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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Haley Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
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Name: Haley
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Hell

Posts: 42
Join Date: January 26th 2009

Angry Honestly? What the hell was that? - May 3rd 2009, 04:06 AM

Let me explain. My parents divorced when I was two. He wanted nothing to do with me until my stepdad came into the picture at age 4. Well, it wore off, and again, he did not emotionally connect with me at all. At the age of fifteen, after a few personal things happened, he decided he wanted to become part of my life again. Too late. I have a father, and that's my stepdad. I try to get along with my dad. Today, I asked him if we could go to lunch and he said "No, I have to fix my truck. I'll just take you home." Home being my mother's house. He turned me down on my birthday for a freaking TRUCK. Then, when my mom discussed how much of an ass he was being with him, he claimed it was because his wife was cooking, and then changed it to he had to fix the truck, and then to he had no money. I get that, okay? I get that money is tight, but honestly? Why make up excuses? I'm seventeen. I'm a big girl. I can take it.
Today, I had to attend solo and ensemble, and after that, he took me to Walmart so that I could get a new camera. He told me, he said "Pick out whatever you want." So I picked out a camera that was a Nikon Cool Pix for $150. He said "Why do you have to cost so much?" Like, really mad, and stormed off! And I followed him because, well, I had no one else to go with and was like, "What did I do? You said get what I wanted! That's CHEAP for a camera." And he started going into this big tyrade about never having money and I take all his money, even though he just bought a pair of two hundred dollar shoes. He was yelling at me in the store to the point that people were stopping and staring. I was crying and he was telling me to shut up and suck it up so I went to the bathroom. It was so bad a woman actually followed me in the bathroom to make sure I was okay. Well, my grandmother lives right down the road from walmart, so she said she would come and get me. When I came out of the bathroom, he was looking at the cameras and said "which one do you want?" And I responded, "I don't want anything from you." And then he started bitching again about how he had to borrow money to buy me a birthday present, again, even though he just bought a pair of two hundred dollar shoes. I asked him if he had to borrow money for those, and he got pissed, and left me standing alone in the store. My grandmother came and got me and my mom met him at Walmart. She told him, she said "You know, you could try and spend quality time with her. It's not just about money." And he said some shit about how he'd been trying to call me for three weeks which, AGAIN, is bullshit. I'm been trying to get up with HIM because he NEVER ANSWERS his fucking phone. So, he gave her the money for the camera to give me. But you know how the camera was $150? The son of a bitch gave her $140.
Is it so wrong of me to decide that he is officially good for nothing other than child support?
What the hell am I supposed to do about this?
..... Great freaking birthday.

Give me something to believe in
a breath from the breathing
so write it down
I don't think that I'll close my eyes
'cause lately I'm not dreaming
so what's the point in sleeping?
it's just that at night
I've got nowhere to hide.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
kimvia Offline
is asleep
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Re: Honestly? What the hell was that? - May 3rd 2009, 07:03 AM

*hug* that really, really sucks, hun... I'm so sorry he treated you this way AND did it in the middle of walmart AND did it on your birthday...
the only thing i can think of is to write him a letter. tell him that you don't want him to spend a bunch of money on you-- you just want some quality time with him.
then you just have to let him take it from there.
I have A LOT of experience with yelling dad's (in public and private) so if you want to pm me go right ahead, ok?
keep your chin up and congrats on turning 17!

PM me any time, ok? I'm always here to help.

What's the second amendment for?
Just in case the government takes away the first.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
erika-snowden Offline
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Re: Honestly? What the hell was that? - May 3rd 2009, 09:35 PM

Hey Hayley *hug* I'm so sorry that your dad is being like this, you do not deserve it at all! And no, it is not bad for you to think that child support is all he is good for, because you have tried right? My dad is like this, only he just does is all behind my back. Pm me anytime if you want to talk


Love Longer.
Laugh Louder.
Hug Harder.
Smile Bigger.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Through-Glass Offline
I've been here a while
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Location: Eastern Tennessee

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Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Honestly? What the hell was that? - May 3rd 2009, 11:02 PM


I know it doesn't fix anything, but I want you to know that I completely understand. In fact, it's almost scary how similar our situations are. My father gives me money, tells me to spend it on whatever I want, and when I do he talks about how poor he is, how expensive I am, blah blah blah. Yet, he has never been around. He has never paid child support, forgets to call at Christmas or my birthday, but he still gives me guilt trips. I really do understand.

Some people just act this way. But, Haley, you didn't deserve one bit of how he treated you. He is the one with the problem, not you. There was no way for you to know to pick something cheap when he said to pick what you want. For emphasis; you did nothing wrong.

You are a very kind and giving daughter for continuing on a relationship with this man who has hurt you so much; but I think you need to hear that you are not obligated to do him any favors. He is to blame for the lack of emotional connection, not you. He is to blame for always being out of reach. You have done far more than many others would have done, worked so much harder than you had to. If you have had enough, there would be no shame in stepping back and letting him do the work. In fact, you do not even have to continue on this relationship, unless that is what you want.

Haley, I really hope things work out for you. I know it can be really tough, but just stay strong, okay? Try to enjoy what's left of your birthday in spite of him. If you would ever like to talk, I would be more than happy to listen. PM me any time, and take care. <3

"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
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hell, honestly

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