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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bitesize Offline
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Am I a terrible person for bailing on my friend..?? :/ - April 25th 2014, 10:44 AM

As an extra Christmas present for a friend I booked a voucher for a beauty treatment and we've been trying to make an appointment for it for a while. She eventually booked it for today without checking with me first, which wasn't really convenient as I have a college exam tomorrow morning, but I said I'd try to work around it.

This weekend I started a new job and they put me in for 5 shifts in a row - because I've just started I couldn't really object, but it left me with a LOT of study to do the last couple of days, and I'm so stressed, I realised I just couldn't take 4-5 hours out of today to go to this appointment. It's too late to cancel, but our other friend is going with her instead. I apologised, and I honestly think that's a better arrangement instead of going with me who'll be stressing out the whole time and trying to peek at my notes instead of being social.

However she's pretty annoyed at me and I know they'll be bitching about it the whole time, which is not a nice feeling, and I can't get it off my mind while I try and concentrate on cramming.

Answer honestly - was this a really bad thing for me to do?? :/


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Re: Am I a terrible person for bailing on my friend..?? :/ - April 25th 2014, 11:18 AM

I don't think that it was really a bad thing. It's her fault for not asking you before planning the appointment and I think as long as you told her that you wouldn't be able to come, instead of just not showing up, she should forgive you quickly.
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Re: Am I a terrible person for bailing on my friend..?? :/ - April 25th 2014, 03:08 PM

There is nothing wrong with what you did. Firstly, your friend should have checked with you before making the appointment. I can see that you really wanted to go and did your best to make it work, its just that certain circumstances didn't permit you to take out this time. And you are right, you'd have been stressing over your exam and that way your friend would have enjoyed even less.

I think that you are a great friend for getting her such a lovely Christmas gift! I hope she realizes that. If she doesn't, then well its her loss.

If it makes you feel better, you can take her out for coffee as an apology or spend time doing something else you both enjoy. You explain to her your situation and I am sure that she'll understand you had no control over it and did your best to make it to the appointment.

Keep reminding yourself that you didn't have any bad intentions. It is NOT your fault. Put up a post it note with this written on it if it helps you.

Feeling that you did something wrong can be very overwhelming. You must tell yourself otherwise. And trust me, they won't have time to bitch about you over there. They'll be too engrossed in beauty stuff to think about it and will probably end up thanking you afterwards.

Good luck for your exam!



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Re: Am I a terrible person for bailing on my friend..?? :/ - April 25th 2014, 08:35 PM


Ok, Hold on a minute girl,
You have done nothing wrong here! it was her fault that she didn't ask you if today was convenient. But make sure that you don't start being a b*tch about it though, because if you do you could lose this friend ship! My advice is to be adult about it and just tell her that it was not you fault, you had to go to the exam- but maybe you shouldn't of left it so late that you have to cram
oh well, it's you choice, if she doesn't understand, maybe she is a friend that isn't worth keeping.
Hoped this helped,

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Re: Am I a terrible person for bailing on my friend..?? :/ - April 28th 2014, 01:11 PM

Well the cramming was more hectic because of the shifts in work on sort notice, but the day before an exam is never really a stroll in the park!! Thanks for the reassurance though guys... I think she has a right to feel annoyed, but I also feel like I'm not in the wrong for having to prioritise my exam.
What does annoy me though is her tendency to complain about things like this to all our other friends - I went to drinks with our friends on Saturday and could tell that half of them had been told all about the situation and that I was a terrible friend. I just find this a bit juvenile. Apparently after our let she started trying to bitch to my male friends - fair enough complaining to her friends, but to MY best friends, is a bit low I think - but one of them was having none of it and let her know. I think I'm just not a fan of the bitching-behind-backs.

Anyway, rant over. Thank you.


Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
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I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
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Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
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Re: Am I a terrible person for bailing on my friend..?? :/ - April 29th 2014, 03:33 AM

You're definitely not in the wrong here. She should have checked with you first, and then to talk about you behind your back? Sorry she did that. Maybe you could explain the situation to the people she told (if they're your friends as well), so that they'd understand better and get to hear your side of the story? Hope you get this sorted out.
   
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