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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Trouble with a Coach - May 22nd 2014, 10:31 PM

At my sports practice, I have this coach who is usually very fond of me and supportive. However, he has suddenly taken a total 180 and now finds every excuse to call me out in front of the class. Whenever we do technical drills, which are often very complex, he goes to me to demonstrate, like usual. However, nowadays, he gives me one shot and if it isn't exactly perfect he shakes his head and asks this girl he knows I kind of hate to do it and gives her multiple tries to get it right.
My best friend, who is often there when this happens, says he is just trying to motivate me to work harder by using this girl I dislike to motivate me. Mostly it just embarasses me and makes me not want to come back to class. I can't really talk to my coach about it though.
What do you think and what should I do?
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Re: Trouble with a Coach - May 23rd 2014, 12:24 AM

It's pretty unfair for him to be treating you this way, but there's a couple possibilities - Your friend might be right, or close to right. The coach could just be expecting you to nail the drills the first time through, maybe because he knows you're good at the class or because you're good at similar drills.

Even if one of those is actually true, it can't be fun to have put up with this. Do you have a different coach you could talk to about it? If the coach asks you to demonstrate a drill, you could say you don't understand it or don't want to.

Hope that helped a little.

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Re: Trouble with a Coach - May 24th 2014, 03:26 PM

I would talk to your guidance counselor about this, and ask for their help in approaching the coach. Say that you're not sure what's going on or why this is happening, and go to the coach together with your counselor. That way you have someone there to back you up, and you won't be intimidated to express to the coach how you are feeling. Perhaps the Coach is taking a "tough love" stance and doesn't realize the love isn't being received very well? As guys, I know it's hard with our dealing with women (especially younger women) and realizing they aren't men and we can't treat them the same ways we would treat our guy friends or our younger guys. Perhaps it's just not something he's thought about?

Let me know how it goes!

- Neil
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Re: Trouble with a Coach - May 28th 2014, 02:26 AM

This isn't a school coach, so I couldn't go to him with a counselor, but he ended up bringing up the issue first. You were right about the tough love thing. He says I have a lot of potential and with a big competition in a month he wants to really push me.
I think you're right about the guy-girl thing, cuz I got upset when he told me I wasn't trying hard enough (which I don't think anyone has told me in YEARS because I'm an over-achiever in about everything) and he didn't really notice. I think things will be fine though if this is just him not knowing how to talk to girls. Any tips on how to communicate when he upsets me that will make sense to him without being overboard?
Thanks a ton for your help!
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Re: Trouble with a Coach - May 29th 2014, 01:15 AM

Hi could you discuss this with brothers or sisters or other family members about this situation
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Re: Trouble with a Coach - May 29th 2014, 02:29 AM

I tried to tell my parents, but they see him as working for my best interests, so they don't want to do anything. Actually, they're trying to increase my time with him "since he's taking me so seriously." I recognize that he's trying to make me better, so I have a hard time communicating to my parents the emotional tax of working with him so much.
Ideas on how to convey that without creating drama?
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