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Greenie Offline
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Name: Amy
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Moving out of home - August 6th 2014, 03:24 AM

Hey guys. It's been awhile since I've been on forums! Wow. Anywho. I've made it this far in life and am not doing terribly! I'm 19 now and at university, and lot of the issues I used to come to TeenHelp for have not been recent issues, and I pray they will stay that way.

Although, an issue I have been on TH for a lot in the last few years have been my parents. Well as I guessed, the situation hasn't changed. I'm still living at home because at the moment the benefits outweigh the risks of leaving home. It's annoying- I am finally feeling like I'm mature enough to handle the stress of living out of home. And I also worked out that I'll be able to survive financially, as well. Key word: survive. But it will be worth not having the luxuries of living at home if it means I don't have to put up with my unpredictable and incredibly stressful family.

The thing is, I cannot drive, as my parents refused to teach me any more. And because of where I live, it's impossible to transport anywhere without a car. I've joined a competitive dance team and they rehearse in an outer suburb until 9.15pm at night once a week, where I rely on my dad to pick me up from. There is a bus that can take me home at that time of night, but even though I live in a pretty safe city, it is advised that young girls do not travel by themselves at night, because waiting at bus stops with not many people around may be potentially dangerous.

My issue is, if I moved out of home, I don't know how I would get home from rehearsals each week. I cannot quit this year as it is competitive but if I have to wait til next year to move out, I would not want to quit next year anyway because this particular dance team has helped me so much with recovery from both mental and physical health issues. I've tried other dance teams before but this team is perfect for me. I wouldn't mind catching the bus home at night, but I don't want to be taking a risk each week, either. Taxis are far too expensive. I'm not going to be able to afford driving lessons when I'm on my own and won't get my licence until I'm 21.

I don't really like any of my options:

1. Move out now and get the bus at night by myself, possible safety risk, although I don't know how much more than it is in daylight (I'm terrible at risk assessment)
2. Move out at the start of next year and not do dance, and also put up with my family's insults, lack of compassion and unpredictability (which as someone with anxiety and adhd I cannot stand) for longer.

Any ideas? Things I should consider before making this big decision that doesn't necessarily have to do with transport? That's the only big issue I see at the moment... anything is appreciated!


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Re: Moving out of home - August 14th 2014, 02:58 PM

Hello Amy,

Do you know anyone at your rehearsals that can give you a ride home or if some of them take the bus home? You could ask if someone could give you a ride, or if someone at rehearsals takes the bus home you could pair up together and travel together. Traveling on public transit at night can be safe, it can be safe because you protect yourself. What I mean is, if you carry a cell phone you can program the local police into your cell phone, you can also carry some pepper spray. Some things that you shouldn't do while traveling on public transit is listening to music, being alert of your surroundings keeps you aware of what is going on around you. While waiting for public transit stay in lighted area's only. You can also find out if your bus route has cameras at some of the bus stops (shelters) and you can always talk with the operator of the bus. You could even request the operator to drop you off at a closer area near your home on the same bus route.

Do you have any family friends who could offer you some time to teach you to drive? They may be willing to help you out if you offer something in return like, driving them to a grocery store and help bring the groceries back to the car and to their home. Something to think about.

You can keep yourself safe if and when you do decide to move out of your parents home and into your home place. You can look for a area that has a lot of lights on the street, good area, friendly neighborhood and if that area is Neighborhood Watched (linked with the local police which your neighbors keep the area safe and work with the local police). You could always move in with a good friend to save money and make sure each other gets home at night. If you have a cell phone, sending a message saying, "Hey, I left X store and should be home around X time." that way the roommate/friend knows when to expect you back.

You don't have to rush into a decision right away, think about it and look at all your options.


Take Care,
Chantal


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Greenie Offline
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Re: Moving out of home - August 16th 2014, 01:25 AM

Thanks so much for your reply Chantal!! I really appreciate it. I'll let my future flatmate know when I am meant to be expected home.

(Though just for the purpose of any Australians reading this, carrying pepper spray or ANY other type of weapon in Australia for self defence purposes is highly illegal, and I looked up that an alternative is to carry a very loud whistle).


Be like the turtle;
at ease in your own shell.
   
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