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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 12th 2014, 07:35 AM

My teacher is like a mom to me sometimes. It's like she makes an effort to make sure I'm comfortable in doing certain things and I'm recovering from anxiety right now, she was the person who helped me begin to get over it in 7 th grade. She does a ton of stuff that makes us obviously have a really good teacher-student relationship because I had her for two years teaching me, last year I had a different french teacher but I'll hopefully have her for the next three years ans I definitely have her this year. This past year she always came and talked to me outside class and told me she thought my work was "magic", she joked around with me because I had my earphones in when she came up to me and I had a hoodie on (some teachers get annoyed by it bc we have a uniform) and I get really anxious so I'm pretty quiet around her but she still made an effort with me even though I wasn't in her class and teachers at my school almost never do that.

I love having this kind of relationship with her and it's like we connect really well but last year I was getting really anxious and everytime she came to talk to me it would make my week because she's my favorite teacher too but I feel like I got really dependent on her and now I still have that dependency on her. I don't know what to do; I love the relationship we have but I want to be able to talk to her confidently??

Also, when I say I have/had anxiety its been pretty longterm, I'm 15 and I had an anxiety disorder called selective mutism for about 8 years, she helped me begin to talk without me realizing she was doing it because we weren't this close back then (I actually hated her hahahah) and for the past 2 years I've had social anxiety so.
   
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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 12th 2014, 07:49 PM

I've moved this over to Friends and Family because you are asking about your friendship with your teacher and not an education problem.
It's pretty common for some students to develop a close bond with a teacher. My boyfriend stays in touch with his English teacher from junior year of high school. He would spend lunches in her room playing music together.
I'm glad that your teacher has been so kind to you and has been a good friend.


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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 12th 2014, 09:59 PM

Yeah it's definitely normal. I was like that with my art teacher. I actually dropped out of her art class though ahah. I'd just go during lunch/before/after school or during my spares to chit chat, vent, consult etc. She was always very understanding and very supportive. There's nothing wrong with confiding in a teacher/student friendship as you have done. I know plenty of students from my class who keep in contact with one teacher or another here and there.


   
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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 12th 2014, 11:13 PM

It's definitely normal. When I was in high school, I had a friendship with an English teacher that I had my sophomore year. At the end of the day, teachers are just people. They want to connect with their students and, as with any relationship, they end up forming greater connections with some than with others. If you had met this teacher under different circumstances, there's a good chance you would probably still be friends. Honestly, I think it's great that she has helped you with your anxiety and has provided you with a lot of support!


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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 17th 2014, 02:00 PM

Your relationship is totally normal. I have the same thing with my music teacher. I will always stop by and just talk (well he did most of the talking as i have pretty bad anxiety) but i definately depend on him a lot to help fix problems but its ok because that way its like i have a friend who i can talk to anytime! I hope this reply made you feel a bit better about your relationship
   
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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 17th 2014, 05:51 PM

Yeah that's normal my brother has 2 teachers he is really close with he calls them his "School Moms", and I have a favorite teacher, who is gamer so we play games on steam quite a bit! You're fine don't worry!


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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 18th 2014, 12:37 PM

Seems like really good pastoral care from your teacher


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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 18th 2014, 06:58 PM

Thank you all
   
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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 18th 2014, 08:32 PM

This is pretty normal. I had a teacher in middle/high school that I still keep in contact with on a regular basis. She helped me through a lot (even if she never really knew everything), she was able to help me with what she knew and just by being caring and listening.


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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 19th 2014, 02:29 PM

Hey,

I know this thread has had lots of replies already, but I just wanted to add my thoughts

Is it normal? Completely. When I was in primary school, I became really attached to a certain teacher, who I also saw as a mother figure. I never really talked to her much because I was shy (though now I learn I have symptoms of anxiety). But she was always there for me, always willing to listen and helped me with a bullying situation even though I was no longer in primary school. I am now 21 and I have kept in touch with this teacher for 10 years!

In terms of anxiety and wanting to talk to her confidently, I am still trying to figure that part out myself! I met up with my teacher last summer, and the term "star struck" comes to mind! Not only did I nearly end up with a panic attack, but it was very difficult for me to talk to her and when I did talk and I felt her looking at me, I could feel my cheeks burning up too From my experience, I think this is a result of general anxiety (I don't hold conversations well, not even with friends), low self esteem (if we think we aren't very good people, and we can't impress, then we feel that others are judging us, when really it's all in our heads) and also because we really admire these teachers, we forget that they are human. They make mistakes and have regrets too. I think it helps to try to remember that. As for social anxiety, I've heard that forcing yourself to make conversations can help (I'm not too sure on that though).

As for being dependent on her....no, I don't think you are. As you are still in school, that's what teachers are there for! She is just doing her job (and a very good one if that!). As long as you don't end up obsessing over her (as I used to), then relax and enjoy the relationship
   
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Re: is it normal to have a relationship like this with a teacher? - August 20th 2014, 06:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
Hey,

I know this thread has had lots of replies already, but I just wanted to add my thoughts

Is it normal? Completely. When I was in primary school, I became really attached to a certain teacher, who I also saw as a mother figure. I never really talked to her much because I was shy (though now I learn I have symptoms of anxiety). But she was always there for me, always willing to listen and helped me with a bullying situation even though I was no longer in primary school. I am now 21 and I have kept in touch with this teacher for 10 years!

In terms of anxiety and wanting to talk to her confidently, I am still trying to figure that part out myself! I met up with my teacher last summer, and the term "star struck" comes to mind! Not only did I nearly end up with a panic attack, but it was very difficult for me to talk to her and when I did talk and I felt her looking at me, I could feel my cheeks burning up too From my experience, I think this is a result of general anxiety (I don't hold conversations well, not even with friends), low self esteem (if we think we aren't very good people, and we can't impress, then we feel that others are judging us, when really it's all in our heads) and also because we really admire these teachers, we forget that they are human. They make mistakes and have regrets too. I think it helps to try to remember that. As for social anxiety, I've heard that forcing yourself to make conversations can help (I'm not too sure on that though).

As for being dependent on her....no, I don't think you are. As you are still in school, that's what teachers are there for! She is just doing her job (and a very good one if that!). As long as you don't end up obsessing over her (as I used to), then relax and enjoy the relationship
This totally describes me and our relationship so thank you for that! I guess I knew it was normal but I didn't want to end up depending on her all the time. Also, I just realised you're from Wales which is pretty cool;-)
   
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