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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
iPoetica Offline
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Exclamation Limited. - September 7th 2014, 10:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

5th - Found out my best friend was lying about a pregnancy to me and her cousin a few days before. It used to be the 3 of us. We always went out, had fun, etc. We were close, like sisters. On this day though, I found out that she had been talking about in the most negative form. I kind of "went off" on her, and well, that friendship is over for good between she and I. Plus, someone who I really care for is in a downfall. I'm trying my best to help her and it worries me a bit. So My heart and mind are all over the place.

6th - Everything from the 5th flowed in. I'm an introvert, so I need to be to myself sometimes and think things through. I wasn't angry though, just irritated and a bit confused. I felt pretty shitty. Well, my mom came in my room and said something about cleaning it, I told her it would get done and asked that she leave me to myself. She didn't. Said that she wanted it done right then and there. I told her okay, it'll get done. She points to the living room, saying that I had made a mess (said that it was said that I had made a mess which wasn't true) and I said it'll get done. asked that she leave me to myself.
She was saying something, I don't recall what, but I just closed my door after she left. She came in and opened it. Said that she didn't want any doors closed. So I left it open. By then, she had kinda ticked me off because she kept making side comments, which I didn't really wanna hear. I put my headphones in a couple of times and tuned her out. We got into a mini argument because she kept interfering with me for no reason.. and plus.. I've always done what I was supposed to...... never had to say it twice to me... and I really wanted to be left alone and kept saying it.

when I felt a bit better, I started cleaning. Tossed the laundry bag near the door and it pushed it up a bit. Next thing I know, I heard my name. Something about making her mad. So I went out and asked how. She asked me why I was yelling, [I didn't even know I was], so I kept repeating myself. When she didn't answer, I came back in my room, took a breath and tried to chill out. She came to my door again in a worse way than before. I had a bit of calm in me. So when she said she was talking to everybody, I said, that doesn't answer the question. I did not say that in any crazy form or fashion. She went to yelling and I told her I didn't wanna hear it. I wasn't in the mood for it. Guess that made it worse.
I don't even remember what happened after that point. I just know that it all got out of control. My youngest brother closed my door. She came in, threw it open and started back yelling. soon, I wasn't even thinking.. Just reacting. She was yelling, I was yelling back. Full force. The oldest brother came to the door, he's a year younger than me, and he and my mom were yelling at me together. Even after she left, he stayed, and was looking at me in disgust.. and still yelling . I was so angry.. So over the top frustrated.. I was hurt and enraged. I yelled at him to get out of my door, and I ran and hit him in the face and pushed him into my sister's room. He got up and tempted me to do it again. That's when my mom runs in between us, yells at me that I don't hit anybody.. came in my room.. threw my fan at me and hit me with it.


I threw down my phone out of frustration and anger, and told them to leave me alone. Idk what else I said . I was just reacting. Not thinking by then. I got my stuff, and walked out cursing them all out. Did I care? No. They started yelling, you're so disrespectful. My aunt had followed me when I came back and was in between everybody. The whole time she's trying to calm me down, my mom and brothers are yelling at how crazy and stupid and disrespectful I am. They keep talking about how I cursed them out. But nobody could recall me asking them to leave me to myself.... I just wanted to be left alone.. nobody repeated that... there was something about calling the police, I handed my phone for them to call. I asked if I should call for them. By then I just didn't care. I wanted to leave that house.. I wanted out. Didn't care where I went. We got into it again before then though, and I told them I've been arguing all night. She yells, that's your problem. That stung, because I had already indicated that I was dealing with my problems. And when I was.. she was interfering with me and getting angry about it. I was done with them all.

Soon, they all left. They were all talking and laughing beforehand like nothing happened. Everybody saying how crazy I am. I just stayed to myself. They called. I never answered. I was so .. idk.. messed up.. that I was contemplating either killing myself or cutting myself. . I'm here so, you know the choice.
But.. they came back. She came in trying to talk to me like nothing happened. I paid her no attention. This isn't the first time everything has been thrown on me though. more like the hundredth. This is just the first time I've ever reacted this way.. But every time, I'm sooo crazy. I'm such a problem.

I don't get it. I've been reading and comprehending on a college level since I was in the 1st grade. Never studied for a bio test and never made below a 60. A Cosmetology major.. don't have a book nor workbook to study by.. went in and missed only 2 questions.. My point being.. there was no need for her to keep repeating herself. . I understand the her house her rules thing.. but it wasn't like I wasn't going to follow them.. again.. every time I'm told to do something I do it. . I don't understand why. I just don't. But maybe I am crazy. I don't know.

I just wanted to be left alone... that's all I asked for from the beginning.. I never bother them when they tell me they don't want to be bothered..So I figured that when I needed to be left alone, they would leave me alone. Guess I lied to myself.

[Now, talking to them is totally out of the question. The thing that really upsets me is the fact that she defends them, but never defends me. My brother threw a wooden plank with a nail in it at me before. She didn't jump at him then, and No, I didn't hit him first. My brothers always pick and tease me, sometimes to try and make me look really stupid. She never says anything. She lets them do what they want, always has. I've always had to just defend myself. The hitting and pushing was all out of built up frustration and anger towards him honestly. This was just the last straw for me. Every time something like this happens. It's my fault, and I don't understand how. I'm 19. I never ask for anything. I barely talk to them at all. Now I don't talk to them at all. ]

Last edited by iPoetica; September 7th 2014 at 05:52 PM. Reason: wanted my colors in.
   
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Re: Limited. - September 7th 2014, 01:49 PM

I'm so so sorry for what happened.
Maybe if your parents ar ein a reasonable mood you could discuss making a door hanger. Than if you need a moment of self reflection you could put on the hanger and they would know you needed some space for a little. And you could also try to discuss with your brothers and your parents that if you have something with your parents or if one of your brothers have something you leave the parents to deal with it and not intervere. But you shouldn't point it like you did this and thsi but you should keep it like an open new rule not laying blame on someone even if you feel like that. And you could also look if you could make a stopword so if any of you get a temper and you know you should reign it first they know that and that person could spent some time ligning in his/her temper in a way he or she needs before continueing the conversation like civelized people.

Now this are all things I would try to use myself too. And you all sound like being somewhat temperamental so I thought maybe it could work for you but that of course totally depends on what your parents are willing to go along with but it does sound pretty reasonable to me.

And maybe you could look out for someplace you could go to cool aff and talk about it for real. But don't finish yourself off. If you truly are as smart as you come across you surely must realise that losing you would indeed be a great loss for the world.

And maybe you could consider telling your mom you love her once in a while if you don't do that already and try to show her how hard you are working for school.
   
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Re: Limited. - September 7th 2014, 05:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by crotia View Post
I'm so so sorry for what happened.
Maybe if your parents ar ein a reasonable mood you could discuss making a door hanger. Than if you need a moment of self reflection you could put on the hanger and they would know you needed some space for a little. And you could also try to discuss with your brothers and your parents that if you have something with your parents or if one of your brothers have something you leave the parents to deal with it and not intervere. But you shouldn't point it like you did this and thsi but you should keep it like an open new rule not laying blame on someone even if you feel like that. And you could also look if you could make a stopword so if any of you get a temper and you know you should reign it first they know that and that person could spent some time ligning in his/her temper in a way he or she needs before continueing the conversation like civelized people.

Now this are all things I would try to use myself too. And you all sound like being somewhat temperamental so I thought maybe it could work for you but that of course totally depends on what your parents are willing to go along with but it does sound pretty reasonable to me.

And maybe you could look out for someplace you could go to cool aff and talk about it for real. But don't finish yourself off. If you truly are as smart as you come across you surely must realise that losing you would indeed be a great loss for the world.

And maybe you could consider telling your mom you love her once in a while if you don't do that already and try to show her how hard you are working for school.
Talking to anybody in this house is totally out of the question. Mostly because this isn't the first time anybody has blamed me. I honestly didn't blame them. At first I just said it was a big misunderstanding, but after I thought about it, it really wasn't. It was simple , I wanted space from them, she felt like I didn't deserve any space just because this is "her house" and "her rules." She didn't have any type of compassion nor understanding of the fact that I needed to be left alone, and decided to accuse me of "taking out my anger" on them. But I wasn't even angry until she kept coming at me. I couldn't handle it and had made it clear in more than one way.

Anger issues. Honestly, no, they don't have temper issues. They only do this to me. They don't even do it to each other. Only me.


If falling in love with someone of the same sex was so evil, I'm sure it wouldn't be possible at all, or we wouldn't have a choice of who we fell in love with.

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Re: Limited. - September 7th 2014, 06:09 PM

I can relate a lot to this. Talking is out of the question in my home too. Its like telling someone to reason with people who just don't care.
I'm thinking instead of sitting in your room, you could take a walk, because that way they can't bother you. Then again, sometimes you just want to be indoors, in your room etc and I'm not sure what to say for that. I don't even know whether you could lock your door either with a built in lock or put something heavy to lean against the door. Or one of this slide in locks that you can add yourself
Just brainstorming here...I can't really lock my room because we have a bathroom connected to my room that you gotta enter my room to get there. But if you have something like that, you can try adding a divider
   
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Re: Limited. - September 7th 2014, 11:59 PM

Hi There,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.
I understand though. I felt like growing up that I was not really able to talk about anything because no one understood me or tried to understand. They just would interject with whatever comments they wanted, tell me I was wrong or yell about things I just did not care about.
I am out of that situation now because I live in the dorm at my college and I applied to a school across state so I am without all of that mess here. It is nice being away.
I know you are in school for cosmetology but would it be possible for you to create a long-term plan for leaving your home?
I'm not sure where you live or what living accommodations exist there, but if you are in school, you could possible get out loans to stay in the dorms or you can stay in housing located near your campus. Then you could choose to go back whenever you wanted/for major holidays etc. You would also receive more freedom.
As to your current situation. If your door locks, try locking it and if it does not lock, you can create a sign and put it on the door (one side saying something about you wanting some time alone and the other side letting people know they can enter (or you can just leave the door open).
Those are all of the ideas I can come up with for now but if I think of anything else, I will add to this post or send you a message.
You do not deserve to be treated like this by your own family.
Something else you can try is showing them how well you are doing with school work and helping around the house when they do not ask. I know this may be hard especially if your mom is telling you that you have to do everything and anything but it is possible.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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