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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jess~ Offline
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old friend.. - September 26th 2014, 03:40 AM

last year, we were awesome friends. we sat together one period, and i never loved a class more.
i had always sort of liked him. talking to him made me really happy. but towards the end of the year, my feelings got a lot stronger. i think he might have noticed.
at the end of the year, in one class where we DIDN'T sit next to each other, he randomly asked to see my phone. he had a friend with him, but after we started talking, his friend left.
so i gave him my phone, and he couldn't find the power button, so i said, "it's on the top, dumbass." i was kidding, and when i really like someone (even as a friend) i'll tease them pretty harshly like that. after that, our little conversation ended abruptly, and i think i hurt his feelings.
(i dunno why i wanted to add that, it means nothing now...i just wanted to get it out of my head.)

but this year, he's in a new "clique". the ghetto people, who act like they're cooler than everyone else, just because they have "swag". he's acting like a whole different person. i still really like the old person...and i believe he's still in there.
you can't really change yourself for a group, can you? not entirely, at least.


right now, even though i still really like him, i'm just focusing on becoming his friend again. we didn't really end our friendship or anything...we just stopped talking. i think things got kinda boring towards the end of the year, and he was transitioning groups, so i think that had a lot to do with it.

my question is, how do i get closer to him/talk to him??
i've made a similar thread to this before, but i didn't really get answers. i honestly just really need plain, straightforward advice.
don't even give me that "sometimes friends grow apart" crap. yeah, that might be what happened, but how will i know until i talk to him again??

we have two classes together, PE and History. but in PE, it's nearly impossible to get to where i can talk to him... and in History, we don't sit together. (he sits a full table away from me, and we face each other, but we never make eye contact. i look at him when he's not looking, and i can see him look at me when i'm not looking.)
but how?? just how?? i'm desperate. i really want him back in my life. he made school worth going to...and going to that one class with him made me forget all the bullying that had happened throughout the day.

i'm honestly really scared that we'll never be able to talk again. i'm trying to convince my parents to let me get a facebook, so i can add him, and it'll be easier to talk to him.
but.. yeah, i don't know. i had a really horrible day the other day (i was in tears almost the whole day, just from all the teasing and name-calling.)
i just feel like he can make things better.


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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Re: old friend.. - September 27th 2014, 12:07 AM

I know you don't want to hear it, but sadly it is true: friends DO drift apart, whether you like it or not.

But since that's not what you want to hear, all you can do is go out of your way to talk to him. Don't wait for circumstance to put him in your path, just walk up to him and talk to him... If you can't do that, I guess you have to question why that is so hard, because it shouldn't be hard to talk to someone who should be your friend.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: old friend.. - September 27th 2014, 03:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Always * View Post
I know you don't want to hear it, but sadly it is true: friends DO drift apart, whether you like it or not.

But since that's not what you want to hear, all you can do is go out of your way to talk to him. Don't wait for circumstance to put him in your path, just walk up to him and talk to him... If you can't do that, I guess you have to question why that is so hard, because it shouldn't be hard to talk to someone who should be your friend.
I don't think talking to him would be hard... it's just, talking to him in front of his new friends would.
They sort of intimidate me, and about half of them don't like me. A lot of them think they're better than everyone.

But today, when he was hanging out with his old friends, I almost...almost talked to him, just because he was his old self again, and I love his old friends.


And I know that friends do drift apart, but the only reason I didn't want to hear that was because I'm not looking for a lecture.. that's not the point of my thread. I'm simply asking how to get closer to him, so that I can decide for myself whether we really have drifted apart or not.
So thank you for your suggestions, it means a lot that someone replied.


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Re: old friend.. - September 27th 2014, 06:37 PM

Hi there,
It is your friends loss, if he is just ignoring you. I would recommend moving on. In life, people change. When someone who was a close friend left you it can have a negative impact on you. Many people get depressed over this. I would recommend moving on. OR trying to talk to him and try to get him back into your life. If it doesnt work ignore time. It is his loss Enjoy .
   
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Re: old friend.. - October 3rd 2014, 12:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lordakin View Post
Hi there,
It is your friends loss, if he is just ignoring you. I would recommend moving on. In life, people change. When someone who was a close friend left you it can have a negative impact on you. Many people get depressed over this. I would recommend moving on. OR trying to talk to him and try to get him back into your life. If it doesnt work ignore time. It is his loss Enjoy .
The only thing about that is that it's happened to me.
Multiple times.
I had an extremely close friend in 8th grade, and we fell apart. I had a close friend in 9th, and we became enemies. Now that it's happening again, I'm starting to feel like I'm the problem.
I really can't go through this again...it's especially harder since I have a crush on him.
i effing hate myself. any normal person would just be able to go talk to him.


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Jess~ Offline
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Re: old friend.. - October 14th 2014, 05:26 AM

anyone out there who can help me? i feel like i'm just a lost cause.. no one really responds to my threads hahaha... ha.


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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Re: old friend.. - October 14th 2014, 11:48 AM

Hi there,

Iím sorry that you feel nobody answers your threads. I do remember reading this one a while back, and thought that I had answered it (I read things and then come back to answer once I have thought it through), but I mustíve forgotten. Sorry.

Regarding the incident with the phone, he may not have realised you were joking. I think itís normal to be flirting and teasing if you have feelings for them, even if it means joking. But sometimes others just donít pick up on this, and he may have thought you were being serious.

How did this change happen? No, I donít believe can change your entire self just for a group. You can change your behaviour and looks to Ďfit iní but you canít really change your personality. Iím wondering why he entered a new Ďcliqueí if you two were such good friends? Perhaps, since you stopped talking, maybe he thought the friendship was over and was in search of new friends?

Itís great that you still want to be friends with him and are looking for ways to do this. I believe that with communication you will be able to get there. Since you canít talk to him during P.E, I think History is your best option. I know you donít sit together but perhaps before the lessons starts or just before you leave, you could make an effort to say Ďhií to him and if he notices, ask how he is etc. Just small talk. If he doesnít mind talking to you, then once you both feel comfortable you could talk about common interests? Slowly, over time, it will be easier to talk to him.

I know you donít want to hear it, but sometimes friends grow apart, so keep that in mind when you try to talk to him. If this is the case, do you have any other friends in school you could talk to and hang out with? If not, you could join some clubs and get to know more people so that you arenít relying on just one person. You may be better off moving on and finding other friends, if he doesnít seem to be interested in a friendship.

As for bullying, do your teachers know about it? You shouldnít have to put up with it.

Using Facebook would be a good idea, but I understand your parentsí concerns. If you can find sensible ways of addressing any concerns they may have, then it would make it easier to convince them.

Iím sure you are not the problem. During my time at school, I have seen so many changes to social groups and friendship circles- it is natural for friends to come and go during these years.

Hope I helped a bit


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