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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Clutter & Boyfriend - October 17th 2014, 06:54 PM

Hey everyone!

I need some helpful idea's and suggestions or maybe an opinion on what you would do in this situation yourself.

I have a bit of an issue with clutter around me, where I am unable to work or focus. I end up very anxious and stressed over clutter. I do my best to have my space clean and up to my "standards" as what feels comfortable for me. See, this problem has been going on for a very long time. I made efforts to improve this by getting rid of things. Things that I really don't need anymore, basically junk (old stuff).

Here is the bigger issue that I am having trouble with. We are (boyfriend) getting a roommate to fill the other bedroom for more income and lesson our monthly expenses (my expenses monthly as a student are nearly a grand each month alone). The problem is, that room was for my boyfriend for his use, because he has a lot of things. When I mean a lot of things, it's like endless crap.

My desk and everything is in the living area, and his desk now sits next to mine with a gap between because of a storage self. Since, he has found places for his things (in weird spots as well) I am concerned his things will push into my space causing me to panic. This is a huge problem. The simplest solution is to well communicate. I've communicated with him on this, multiple times about my anxiety around clutter and unable to focus.

In the past we've discussed many different things on a variety of topics, sometimes they end in him being frustrated and irritated and basically it goes horrible. As much as I am calm sometimes what I say he doesn't like it, when I ask him what his opinion is on it. For instance, the roommate, we discussed and he didn't like it, went off the wall. One day looking at my expenses found out there is no other way around this. Went behind his back and enlisted a room for sale online. I told him once he got home, that day was the most stressful day that could even come for me. In the end he finally agreed to a roommate after pushing him.

He is very stubborn, I mean extremely stubborn and if I make a recommendation about something and ask his opinion, he still get irritated and frustrated. Now, I feel cluttered because he is next to me. I am starting to feel regret on enlisting this room. But it wouldn't make a difference cause that room was a complete and utter mess.

It's like I am "training" him to be clean. I don't have time for that kind of thing. We set out simple tasks that we each can do but it seems he doesn't want to follow it or do anything about it. He has becoming more aware of it. I just can't live like that, cluttered. I like clean shelves, I like clean floors, I can't stand mess on the counter, even more than 2-3 tabs opened on the web I get anxious about, and I'm starting to feel very paranoid over mess and clutter because I see it as something that shouldn't be there. I am not to the point what I touch needs to go through some cleaning agent before using it, or everything needs to be in straight lines.

What would you do in this situation? That is basically I am really asking/looking for. If you have any advice or suggestions that too would also be helpful for me.

Thank You,
Chantal


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Re: Clutter & Boyfriend - October 18th 2014, 04:18 AM

Hey there,

This sounds like a difficult situation to be in because it sounds like you and your boyfriend have different views on how to run a household. I think the two of you need to work together on trying to resolve this issue. You need to come together and decide how you can manage this. You also need to work on compromising a bit. If there is a bit of clutter you need to work on being okay with it. And, he needs to work on trying to recognize that he is being cluttered and change it. I think that things like this take time to overcome but it can happen. Basically, the best thing the two of you can do is communicate. It might cause some tension but if you continue to communicate you can slowly work on figuring this out and getting it worked out.

I know this isn't the best advice but it is all I have to offer. I hope it helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to message me.


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