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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Jess~ Offline
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Very abusive "friendship" - October 19th 2014, 09:26 PM

I have this one friend...let's call her Mack.
When I first met her, in freshman year, I completely hated her guts. She was just so boring, and I could barely stand to look at her because...let's face it...she really wasn't a pretty sight.
At that time, I was in a group of misfits that accepted everyone and anyone. We were where all the new kids went. They then proceeded to get used to the school, meet more people, and ditch us for the cooler groups. It was just the way of the world.
But some people, who didn't fit in anywhere, still stayed with us. I wanted so badly to fit in -- to get away from this horrible and embarrassing group.

Let's back things up a bit.
Mack joined our school a couple weeks into the first semester, so she was at a pretty hard point. Not only was she the new kid, but the groups had already begun to settle; people had already made friends.
So of course, she came into my group of friends.
Now, remember, I hated her so much. But after awhile of talking to her, I learned that her dad had died when she was pretty young, and her mom had lost her parenting rights, so she lived with her aunt and uncle. And, after she bought me a bracelet, I mean... i can't hate people when they go to such lengths to be nice to me.

So the year moved on. As we both began to realize just how lame the rest of the people in our group were, we decided that we were probably "best friends" I guess... and from that point on, we always stuck together, whenever our other friends got embarrassing or annoying.
I thought we had something great. We had gotten so close, that instead of hugging each other, we would punch each other (playfully) and say, "aye man, cheer up!" or something along those lines. We would wrestle, we would help each other out, and we were really great friends.

But...towards the end of 1st semester, I had a crush on a guy and started to hang out with him and his friends more. After he got kicked out of school, thus breaking us up, I became more...I dunno. I guess I became more reclusive, and not as loud, confident, or funny. I went back to being socially awkward (like i was in 8th grade) and therefore, "boring".
Just in time, too. When I was taking a break from my group of friends, Mack had found herself a new group too.
So when I went back to hanging out with her... and her new, cool, friends.. I was quiet and boring and reclusive. She got bored of me really quickly, and focused on her new friends. I tried making friends with them...and don't get me wrong, I was on good terms with everybody there. It wasn't like they were strangers to me, I just...hadn't really built a friendship with them, yet.
But I just couldn't get my confidence back.
2nd semester was really terrible. I got bullied by mainly three girls, one of them being Mack. They would say all these things about me, and how everything I did was stupid. Nobody ever listened when I was talking, I was too "quiet", I was "boring", "stupid", "pathetic", "retarded", "annoying", and so many other things.

Once, this popular guy was stressing out because he was going to ask me out, and a girl in my group of "friends" said, "idk why he's making such a big deal about this...i mean, it's just her, it's not like she's anything special.."
I fell into this deep hole of...I don't want to say depression, because I still tried. I tried so hard to fit in, and I still had hope. But I was just desperate and sad and...lonely. I wanted so badly to feel like I was wanted by somebody.
Luckily, last year, a close family friend went to school with me. He was honestly my hero. He saw some girls kick me out of their table at lunch and say I couldn't sit there, and proceed to make fun of me and throw my stuff on the floor.
He invited me over to his group of more popular friends, which really risked his reputation, and it was the first time in a long time I actually felt accepted.

Getting back to the point, this year, I wanted a brand new start. A lot of the people who bullied me left the school, but Mack didn't. But it's funny...the entire time she was making fun of me, all last school year, I just blamed it on the fact that, "oh, she's got tough skin, she thinks everyone else does too. she's just kidding around." or "she's been through a lot, i can't blame her."
I always had an excuse for her behavior, and I legitimately thought we had a friendship.

But now, this year, I have real friends. Not a lot, mind you, only two or three. But now I know what a real friendship is, and now I realize that Mack and I do not have a friendship. She hasn't been being my friend...she's been verbally, and sometimes even physically, abusing me.

She...

-always tells me i'm stupid

-almost always tells nearly everyone around us, what i did to make me "stupid" (once, she threw a carrot at someone, and it bounced and hit me in the face. she then proceeded to tell my fucking crush about that and he laughed.)

-she always throws things at me. like, she'll rip up a bunch of leaves, and blow them all over my hair, and my crush almost always sees it.

-she'll hit me with sticks. (now, she throws and hits other people too...but not nearly as much as me, because i don't really react.)

-one time, i did react, saying that if she did that one more time I would fucking beat her ass. I was serious too, but she just hit me again and stepped up close to me, laughing, and said, "oh really? do you really want to go there??"

-she thinks she's so fucking tough and great. like i couldn't take her down. believe me, the hate pumping through my veins could kill her in a heartbeat.

-whenever i tell her about something good that happened to me, she either won't listen to me or she just won't react to me story. but i cling to every word she says when she's telling me about something good that happened to her.

-whenever i tell her about something BAD that happened to me, she laughs and tells other people.

-she's really good at getting other people to gang up on me too. she's like the fricking town crier when it comes to telling people about stupid things i do.

-she always makes sure to let me know, whenever somebody else calls me "lame", "stupid", or "annoying" behind my back.

-half the time, she doesn't really take me seriously.


so...yeah, I don't know.
I'm really, really, really sorry for the long post. I just..I don't know. I'm bad at explaining things, and I want to get it all out.

I just don't know how to end the friendship... I mean, we still have good times. She just treats me like I'm worthless.

Should I even end the friendship? There's not really anyone else I could go to, if she wasn't my friend. Sure, I do have other friends... but they're not my best friends. they're not always around for me to hang out with.
One girl, who I wish was my best friend, always goes off to play sports with the guys. I would play with her, but I'm afraid of getting made fun of...

see? see?!? that's what the fucking bully has done to me. I can't do anything anymore because I don't want anyone to laugh at me.

I don't have anything in common with anyone else. And also, my school is an EXTREMELY small school. there's literally no one else to go to.

...help?


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
haunted by the ghost of you
   
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Re: Very abusive "friendship" - October 19th 2014, 11:11 PM

People who abuse you are not nice at all. You should just ignore her. Continue on. Friends are constantly coming and going. Especially in high school. Ignoring them and moving on is the best solution.
   
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Re: Very abusive "friendship" - October 19th 2014, 11:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lordakin View Post
People who abuse you are not nice at all. You should just ignore her. Continue on. Friends are constantly coming and going. Especially in high school. Ignoring them and moving on is the best solution.
Thanks for the advice.
The only thing is...it can be pretty hard to ignore her. I go to such a small school, and we're in the same group of friends. Plus, she's always talking to me and around me.
Even if I did ignore her and talk to someone else, she would be there to chirp in and make me feel stupid..

I guess I could try distancing myself from her, but still, it'll be pretty hard. Would it help to tell one of my closer friends?


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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Re: Very abusive "friendship" - October 19th 2014, 11:47 PM

It sounds like you have a bunch of other healthier, positive friendships. I would cut this girl off; you shouldn't have to be dependent or reliant on an unhealthy relationship. It's hard to do this if you think the alternative is to have no friends (even though being trapped in an unhealthy relationship should be avoided no matter what), but as you said, you have other friends and choices so there is no reason to keep a bad friendship around.

Toxic people never benefit anyone. If she questions why you cut her off, just simply tell her that you don't like how she treats you and are spending time with other friends.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: Very abusive "friendship" - October 20th 2014, 02:41 AM

It's better to be alone in a crowd, than alone with a friend who hates you.
   
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