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lonely.boy Offline
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Loosing social skills - May 6th 2009, 01:26 AM

So, lately I have been noticing even more how much uncomfortable sometimes i feel around people, because i don't really know what to talk about. I always have been a bit shy, but there was a time that i overcome that, but for some time now, I became more uncomfortable around people, specially the ones i don't know so much, and even the ones i know for some time, i just don't know sometimes what to talk about, or don't know how to act. I think im losing my social skills(I don't even know if it can be called that way), specially for the last years, that i don't have much social life,because people don't talk much to me, mostly because they have their own groups, and i don't believe much in groups, because i like to get well and hang out with everybody and not one specific group of people(maybe that was my problem..) ,and others just make new friends and forget the older ones, and i know that this lack of social life has been affecting me, it affected my self esteem, the way i see the future, and the way i socialize with people.
Am I loosing my "social skills"? How can i overcome this and how should i talk to people, even when we don't have much in common?
Thank you
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Re: Loosing social skills - May 6th 2009, 02:54 PM

Hey there
I don't think your losing your social skills, maybe your hanging around with people who you don't have anything in common with? That would defiantly cause people to go quite, even the most confident friendly people in the world. Ye need to have SOMETHING to talk about but if ye dont have anything in common then finding something to talk about could be difficult.

But if you DO hang around with people like that [ which I do ] find common human intrests like.. Movies... Books... Things that everyone can talk about?
Maybe ask some of them if they would like to join a club with ye have mutual intrest in.. that would give ye something to talk about and something to do together.
Sometimes I find when hanging around with my dancer music and clubbing friends [ Im more of a rocker and concert gal] I juts let the convo flow.. Dont force it, something will come up that you can contribute to?

Let us know how things go for you

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Re: Loosing social skills - May 6th 2009, 03:28 PM

I've gone through many times when I haven't known what to say to people, and so I can understand just how much it affects you. When you don't have that contact from people you can almost feel like you're drifting away from society, and the more you get lost in that cycle the harder it is to re build that bridge. To be honest, I think everyone feels like that from time to time. Even those people who you see constantly laughing and chatting away. It can seem like such a big thing to find that confidence and jump back into socialising, so try and break it down in your mind so you don't panic and back away from it. If you try and get yourself back in smaller stages you'll be able to see your progress and give yourself that motivation to keep going.

I think one of the keys to conversation is enjoyment. If you don't enjoy what you're talking about, then you're obviously going to find it difficult to keep the conversation flowing. Try and find things that you enjoy, and filter those into conversations with others. Tell yourself that if you enjoy the conversation, then it will rub off and others will too and in turn make them talk back. I also think confidence has a lot to do with it too. I don't know whether this is something that you find, but I often feel that people wouldn't be interested in what I have to say, and so don't say anything. If you do feel that way, keep telling yourself that what you have to say is important - because it is - and allow yourself to say what you want, as well as how you feel.
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Re: Loosing social skills - May 8th 2009, 12:41 AM

Hahah wow not gonna lie that's exactly what I'm going through right now. It feels like I'm reading something I wrote.

So, I would try hanging out and branching out with friends you are comfortable with. If you're trying to meet someone new I'd suggest doing it with a friend or group you are comfortable with. And if you don't have that luxury, then try and put yourself in a situation where you'll feel comfortable and confident. If you have trouble thinking of conversation topics, you could always think of things to say beforehand. But if you're comfortable enough, you can find something to talk about that you will be able to talk comfortably.

Not saying this will be easy in the least, as I also have a terrible time with the same exact things you do, and I have a LOT of trouble attempting to do these things. But just try and push yourself to get yourself out there and your situation may improve.

Good luck!

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Re: Loosing social skills - May 8th 2009, 08:55 PM

Thank you for the reply's.
For the last days, i haven't been feeling like that, but I feel like i still want to avoid social situations, like going out and i don't know why, but my first thought is " i don't want to go", wich makes my "improvement of social life and situations" harder...
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