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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy Emotionally abused by a "friend" - February 2nd 2015, 01:21 AM

Has anyone else been emotionally or verbally abused by someone they considered a friend?
I'm not looking for advice for posting this, I just want to share experiences with one another.
I guess I'll share my story first:

Currently it's my junior year of high school, and it's been the roughest school year for me yet. Last semester I had a 3.14 the first have and managed to pull off a 3.7 as my final grade after exams. This kinda hurt, due to the fact that out of the two Bs I got, I had expected one to be an A.
Anyways, as the semester progressed, I ended up getting terrible anxiety and panic attacks. I volunteer almost every weekend, and usually for different events (I have to do hours for my school's national honor society and YHSC). Even more so, there's a specific college that I want to go to; UW-Madison, and I know that I have a pretty good chance of getting in and yet I feel like I've accomplished nothing that has made me stand out to be accepted. So a lot of my anxiety is about getting the grades I need to be accepted into that college (so far my cumulative is a 3.82).
So I have a "friend" (let's call her R), who has been stuck on her high-horse a lot. She had a 4.00 before she got a B in the class I thought I would get at A in. Here's the thing--she got poor grades on most of her work (because she really didn't give a da*n) and only got a B because her parents complained a lot to the school. Then she begged to get switched out of that class and that ended up working out That class is probably the hardest in the school, due to the fact that the teacher is an impossible grader, and apparently I had an A going into the exam, but since I got a B on the exam I got a B in the class -__-.
Anyways, R and I belong in a group of friends who we went to middle school with. There's five of us total, and two of them go to different schools. They've made plans to hang out with the rest of us, but they usually make these plans on Saturdays, which are incredibly busy for me (for volunteering events). Anyways, early January, on a group chat with these friends, R told be that she felt as if I've been spending too much time volunteering and that it was like I wasn't trying to hang out with them anymore. Which is untrue (I even asked a week before if anyone wanted to hang out the next weekend but everyone else was busy). I told her that I was busy with school and sports (I have wrestling practice after school everyday and futsol games Friday nights) plus volunteering on the weekend. Also that I was going through some stuff (referring to my anxiety and panic attacks). She went on to say something along the lines of "Well I manage to get my homework done every night, still play in sports and study, while making time for my friends because my friends are important to me." Then she said something like "Well I'm sorry we'd be a waste of your precious time" to which I told her that I'd prefer not to make an argument about this, then she said "Well I guess I'd prefer not to continue this friendship anymore." And didn't speak to me for a while.
Anyways I ended up restoring our "friendship" yesterday. I told her that I was having difficulties and had to see a therapist to talk about my anxiety, and am soon getting medication for my panic attacks. She then went on to say how I've been treating my friendships like sh*t (which, I asked one of my friends, and they disagreed with that statement). The correct line was "Your friends are part of your f****** personal life and if you treat them like s*** without a legitamate reason then that's unacceptable." She also said that I was too stuck in my own head to think about others, and she was essentially attacking me after I continued to apologize to her. (I'm trying to make this story as unbiased as possible ). So she said that in order to restore the friendship, I had to tell my other friends who were in the group that I was taking medication and seeing a therapist, to which I first objected. I told her that saying that "I'm going through some rough stuff" would be enough for them to understand (because those friends are pretty understanding) and she said that I had to tell them in order to make things better.
And so I told them.
And now I feel violated. I wanted to tell them on my own terms, and with this "friend" I just feel like I'm some sort of abused victim. I can't stand up to her, because she'll just "attack" me. Everything I've done is wrong, according to her, and everything she's done is right. I told my friends this on Friday, and since then I've felt like crying every time I think about it.
A few other hurtful things she's done.
1. She was having trouble in a class the first part of last semester. I told her that after fall, the teacher could tutor her (because he won't have to coach the tennis team anymore) and she said "Why would I do that? Tutoring is for stupid people."
Even though she knows I go to tutoring
2. I wanted to join the volleyball team at school this past fall. It's pretty competitive, but I'd consider myself to be a rather extremely athletic person and I've done pretty well playing volleyball during gym class before. She said "Oh no, you should defiantly not do that, you wouldn't make the team." Even though she made varsity this year, yet was pretty much a bench warmer.
3. She overall just a rather mean person. She can be nice at times yet if you were having an argument with her, she can be extremely hurtful. When she and another one of my friends went on a school trip over the summer, they got into a fight. The other friend is (I don't know how to put this) what some may considered "heavy" and R took a picture of one of her legs and showed it to me and a group of friends saying stuff about how this other girl was fat, etc. One of my friends said "R, you're so mean!" in sort of a kidding way, and R just laughed and said "Yeah, I know"
4. Last year she was having difficulties with another girl over a guy. I was there for R, and listened to her and tried giving her the best advice that I could. She went on the say "Mads (but said my actual name :P) you're such a great friend." and yeah.

Anyone else have similar stories? Again, I'm not looking for advice, that's what my therapist is for aha. But I'm just looking if there's anything similar anyone else as gone through.

"Don't tell me you're not beautiful. You're the kind of beautiful the blind would see if we could figure out some way to give them three seconds of sight." -- Shane Koyczan
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
~One Skittles Minion~

Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Holly
Age: 28
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Join Date: June 16th 2009

Re: Emotionally abused by a "friend" - February 4th 2015, 06:42 PM

I think many people have experience similar things, either by someone they don't really know or someone who may be considered close to them.

I've had some friends talk about me behind my back, and one other friend has a habit of talking down to me. In fact, my ex-boyfriend was emotionally abusive towards me.

I know you said you aren't seeking advice, but I'm wondering if it would be helpful for you to start distancing yourself from this friend of yours- at least it should minimise your stress. She had absolutely no right to force you to disclose your mental health to your other friends, and it is very understandable that you would feel violated because of this.

Take care

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abused, emotionally, friend

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