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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Twisted Offline
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Does this make me a bad friend? - May 9th 2009, 10:43 PM

Last night a few of my friends were going to this club/bar that we go to pretty much every Friday, it was planned from pretty much the start of the week and from the start i said that i wasn't coming because i just didn't feel like dressing up, i don't have very much money at the moment and i wasn't in the mood for being amongst crowds of people with loud music, i'm not entirely sure why.

Well i did actually plan to have a quiet night in, but then one of my other friends from a different group of people that i hang out with invited me to come round his flat with some other people, i was feeling pretty bored so i decided to go over, i didn't even have to worry about getting home because they let me stop over so all i have to do is drive over. And minimal money is required plus there would be no crowds or dressing up to deal with.

So yeah it was a last minute decision and it's not like i had planned to go round there in the first place without lying to my friends or whatever. But i was speaking to my best friend earlier and she asked me if i ended up doing anything last night and i told her i went round my friends flat and she was like "i knew you would, are we not good enough for you anymore?" she said it in quite a jokey way but whenever someone says something like that i can't help but think that they meant it in a way even if they clearly are joking.

I just feel like i bagged my friends off for other people which really isn't the case, at least i don't think it is. They kept trying to persuade me to come out with them but i just didn't feel like it. I don't know, i really care about all of my friends and i think i just need second opinions on this, so any responses will be appreciated, no matter how honest they are because i really don't know if i'm a bad friend for hanging out with other people when i told my other friends i was staying in.
   
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Re: Does this make me a bad friend? - May 9th 2009, 11:03 PM

No this does not make you a bad friend whatsoever. It seems like you and your friends go out every weekend and you do the same thing. You might have just been needing something different than the every weekend norm. It doesn't make you a bad friend, it just makes you human. I'm sure your friend truly meant it in a joking manner but if it is bothering you, you could always talk to her about it. There is no harm in that whatsoever.


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Re: Does this make me a bad friend? - May 10th 2009, 02:16 AM

Hey Nat,

You're not a bad friend at all for spending time somewhere else. If you didn't feel like spending time at a bar, there's nothing wrong with that. Some nights the idea of loud music and noise just isn't appealing, and you shouldn't be forced to do anything you don't want to do. And, if you'd rather save your money rather than spend it at a bar - well, again, there's nothing wrong with that, it's a personal decision.

To be honest, I think if your friends don't understand your decision, then they're the bad friends - not you. If they're truly you're friends, they'd understand that for one thing, no, you didn't plan things with your other friends in advance. They should have understood that being somewhere quiet instead of loud and noisy was something you preferred, and they should have been ok with that. If they don't understand that, you need to think about whether they're truly your friends. Your friends should respect your decisions no matter what, and not pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do.



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Re: Does this make me a bad friend? - May 10th 2009, 02:18 AM

Nope, if you cant go out because of money what do you do? You go with friends somewhere you wont have to spend money! So you've done nothing out of the ordinary.

Its fine, do not think your a bad friend at all, thats nonsense!

Just fancied something different thats all, no harm in that!!
   
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Re: Does this make me a bad friend? - May 10th 2009, 08:24 PM

it's just a case of miscommunication i.e. the "unsaid". You told your friends that you didn't feel like going out which isn't really a reason as much as an excuse. If you had said the reasons for it then they'd be able to understand and emphathise but cos they didn't know your rationale they simply thought you were fobbing them off for someone else. Just explain - it's not unreasonable to want a night away from big crowds etc and to conserve money in this financial climate.
   
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Re: Does this make me a bad friend? - May 10th 2009, 09:00 PM

I did tell them the reasons for not going out because when i said i wasn't coming with them they asked why and i said the reasons i stated in the first post i.e i couldn't afford it and i didn't feel like being at a bar. It's just that i got a call in the evening from another friend and i decided i may as well considering it's a lot cheaper i was kinda bored and i would be in the sort of environment which i felt like being in that night.

I think it's fine with me and my friends, i'm just being a little paranoid and feeling a little guilty for some reason but yeah. I'm seeing them all tomorrow so i guess i'll find out then, pretty sure it's just me being a worrier as usual.
   
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