TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
......nobody Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
......nobody's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 478
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: April 9th 2014

...... FML - July 31st 2015, 04:39 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I lost my insurance card and I asked my dad, since we were already out, if we could go to my doctor's office and pick up a copy, well, he started yelling "if you wouldn't flash around your card then you wouldn't have this problem." Well of course that ticked me off because I didn't do that, I mean, who would want everyone to know that you have medicaid? Any way, I yelled that I don't, then he got so ticked off he pulled the car over and started screaming and carrying on at me. My grandma and sister were in the car and he had them sobbing. My grandma yelled at him that he didn't need to yell like that and he told her to stay the f*** out of it, and she kept saying "no" to him between tears.

I called my case manager sobbing when I got home, because I really really wanted to hurt myself. Well, she didn't get back to me for two hours when I was at work and she called twice, I think I scared her because I never cry. She promised to call my back today if she couldn't call me later in the evening, so I'm waiting for that call - I hope I don't end up in the hospital again.

Who was in the wrong here? I can't help but feel it was my fault because I yelled first but my grandma and sister insist that it wasn't my fault. I don't know what my case manager thinks as of yet as she hasn't called yet.

Thanks for reading.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Fleetfoot Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Fleetfoot's Avatar
 
Age: 16

Posts: 46
Join Date: July 8th 2015

Re: ...... FML - July 31st 2015, 06:34 PM

Hey it's not your fault. Your dad shouldn't have yelled at you like that. Yeah you lost your card. Big deal. He should get over it. He shouldn't have talked to your grandma like that either. Maybe ask a friend if they can take you to get a copy of the card. Need anything contact me.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Not_here Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
Not_here's Avatar
 
Name: nobody
Gender: Other

Posts: 2,538
Blog Entries: 571
Join Date: October 24th 2011

Re: ...... FML - July 31st 2015, 07:37 PM

Hey Sparrow,
I can definitely relate to situations like this between my dad and myself and almost always feel like hurting myself after. I think that whether you yelled or not in this particular incident is just a symptom to the relationship you have with your dad as a whole. Maybe the tension was rising and you reacted as though he was attacking you before he actually attacked because this has happened so much.

Of course I'm not in your situation and don't know if he does this often but I doubt this was a one time incident that has happened in a vacuum. There must have been a context in which you were repeatedly put down, invalidated etc in some way so this was just the moment where you yelled first. In other words, your reaction is an outcome to the environment you are in.

I think that if you had an excellent relationship with your dad and this was a rare incident in which your dad yelled, you would most likely work it out very quickly after because you would trust him that it was rare and that he didn't mean it. This sounds above all else, a problem with the relationship between the two of you, rather than your personal deficit. Though he could have definitely been kinder since you were already stressed out over losing your insurance card, and that's already something you're dealing with. You didn't deserve someone to rub it in as well.

I don't have much advice for what to do when this happens. I grew up being punished or yelled at for any little mistake I made. I think that giving yourself compassion is important, reminding yourself that losing things happen and you're not bad or wrong or anything like that, but simply human. That you will do what you can to either replace the card or go to the lost in found etc. That this isn't a big deal and easily addressable.
I was often told to ignore these things, but I know how hard it is because you're going to lose things again in the future and you will make mistakes in the future and the same reaction will come from your dad. And so will he make mistakes and lose things. I don't know whether talking to him will help at all, maybe when he is calmer but it is him who should be changing his reaction, regardless if you improve in keeping your things safe or not. I lose my keys often and my family members react similarly to your dad. But being harsh doesn't help me remember where I placed them. I just get even more stressed out as I'm told "Do you have alzheimer's or what?" and things of that nature. I usually end up finding my keys under my bed or something like that, when I'm less stressed and have been doing another activity like looking for something else or cleaning.

I really really hope you haven't hurt yourself and that you're hanging in there. Hopefully you'll be able to speak to your case manager very soon.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount24
Guest
 
DeletedAccount24's Avatar
Edit avatar
 

Posts: n/a

Re: ...... FML - August 1st 2015, 11:12 AM

Hey, Gyro, I am sorry your dad yelled at you. Don't hurt yourself, it's not worth it. He's the one in the wrong and he shouldn't have yelled at you like that. It's hard to keep track of things sometimes and you don't realize you've misplaced something until it's too late and it's actually missing. Your gram and sister were right, you didn't do anything wrong. I hope your case manager have gotten in touch with you, they will tell you the same thing as your gran and sister.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount11
Guest
 
DeletedAccount11's Avatar
Edit avatar
 

Posts: n/a

Re: ...... FML - August 2nd 2015, 08:18 AM

Hey, Sparrow.

I'm so sorry your dad yelled at you like that. From what you wrote, it sounds as he was in the wrong. Apparently he yelled first when he made the statement accusing you of "flashing your medicaid card around". Everyone misplaces things. It doesn't make you irresponsible or in the wrong. I'm sure he's misplaced things as well. He shouldn't have yelled at you like that and then say what he said to your grandma. I am glad she was trying to stick up for you though.

Would it help to talk to him once things have calmed down and in a calm conversation, explain just how badly it hurt when he yelled at you? Hopefully if both of you are able to talk about this and express your feelings towards the argument, then it'll help both you and him to strengthen the relationship between you and your father.

Again, I'm so sorry you were yelled at like this. I can see and understand how it'd be incredibly upsetting and hurtful. I hope you're feeling okay now and that you didn't hurt yourself. You don't deserve to have hurt yourself over his hurtful reaction. You did nothing wrong. You can message me if you need, alright? Take care and stay strong.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
fml

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.