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Not_here Offline
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how to apologize to soneone who hurt me a million times more often - August 2nd 2015, 02:03 AM

Hi all,
I've reacted very wrongly and hurtful towards someone who has been hurting me for many years. I want to apologize for that particular incident in which I reacted wrongly and of which I feel ashamed about. I want to write a letter because she is not only giving me silent treatment but she also continues to behave subtly hostile towards me in passive aggressive ways. I want to write a letter because I'm scared of speaking to her. I usually end up crying during these types of things and she tends to make fun of me for being a "crybaby"


I don't want to mix bags and talk about the many years of hurt I had to endure from her or even the incident itself that led me to such high emotions in the first place. Quite frankly she couldn't care less. And maybe that's her right because after all I was the one who spiraled out of control and however much she hurt me she still didn't deserve what I did in response. I want to get straight to the point in a sincere and genuine way without making it all about me because in this letter I want it to be about how I'm so so sorry for what I did.

But at the same time I continue to suffer in silence over what she has done in the past and continues to do and I keep replaying things and it hurts and I want her to know while my reaction wasn't appropriate and even in the heat of the moment I should have not resorted to using my hands (getting physical) I wish she would know how much she triggers me, how much she had torn me down emotionally and verbally and behaviorally.How her behavior has been toxic all along and I fell for it.
The fact that she shoved me with her elbow and though what I did wasn't self defense because she just shoved me and walked away, that was the turning point for me that triggered me to go physical and up until that point, she had the controlling, manipulative, vengeful, guilty tripping behavior. But at the same time, even though I was triggered I shouldn't have done what I did and I understand that.

I don't know what to do. Please help? This incident happened two months ago and every time I sit down to write the letter I replay all the hurt I have been through.

Last edited by Not_here; August 2nd 2015 at 12:16 PM.
   
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Re: how to apologize to soneone who hurt me a million times more often - August 2nd 2015, 05:14 PM

I think you should consider writing two letters, so you have two opportunities to get things out. First, write the letter that explains why you got physical with this person. Talk about what led up to feeling this way and how this person makes you feel when they act certain ways. Try to focus on releasing everything you're replaying through your head. Whether or not you send this letter is up to you, but I think you should use it as a release.

Once you've gotten everything else out, maybe you can write the second letter to apologize. You can explain your behavior in a way that still makes you genuine and apologetic. You can say that you were going through a lot and you didn't think. And that caused you to use your hands on her in the heat of the moment. Maybe you can explain how long you've been trying to write the letter and put this into words so she understands how sorry you are.

I hope this helps a little.


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Re: how to apologize to soneone who hurt me a million times more often - August 15th 2015, 02:51 AM

I haven't written it yet but reading your response was helpful. I was a lot closer to writing it.I keep procrastinating it and time is running about because it has been nearly 3 months. I'm going to try to get it done by Sunday evening. Once and for all. Thanks for the advice, Iwill definitely have to write two letters but probably not send one about why I'm upset to her. I did write a few sentences of the apology letter but have been a bit blocked and numb.
   
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Re: how to apologize to soneone who hurt me a million times more often - August 17th 2015, 06:52 PM

I also think you should consider writing 2 letters why and apologizing or just a letter explaining why then apologizing. I think writing a letter will be a good way to release how you are feeling and why you are feeling the way you are its a good way to express your emotions and why your feeling how you feel the way you do. And it will make you feel better I am sure. Please keep us posted how everything goes. I wish you the best of luck.


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Re: how to apologize to soneone who hurt me a million times more often - August 26th 2015, 02:13 PM

Thank you Carly. I wrote the letter 3 days ago. I put it on her bed while she wasn't home...it was only an apology without mixing any of the stuff about why I'm hurt. I may write a second one for myself and not give it to her. She is still ignoring me but isn't making fun of me anymore since 3 days ago. I don't know what that's supposed to mean but I haven't gotten any response from her regarding the letter.
I pushed myself to writing the letter for her because I know 3 months is way too long. But writing the letter for myself is going to take long or may not even do it at all because I tend to brush my needs to the side.
Well thank you both for replying. I think this thread can be closed since I wrote the letter and that's done.
   
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