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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Not sure what to do - August 2nd 2015, 09:43 PM

So I have made posts about my parents before and everyone says,' oh they love you,' 'oh you just need to talk to them.' I am sick of these comments. I have talked to my mom many times. She says that she loves me and that she's working on it and that she will get me therapy. I haven't had therapy in six months despite nagging her. Literally nagging.

I have done everything she asks. I have let her throw me and my siblings around like ragdolls and move is everywhere. I have believed her bs and lies and crap she had thrown at me. She has chosen other people many times over us and I have been taking it with a smile. She has loved everyone else besides her own children because what the hell will we do? Nothing. Because we are kids are she can do what she wants.

I have heard of people making peace and forgiving their abusers or making peace with their parents.

What I want to know is, if I turn 18, should I cut her off? I feel like by cutting the relationship completely, it is some form of justice for my childhood self. I feel like I can't get revenge on her like I want but I can have this. But at the same time, I wonder if I can live without her advice. How to get a stain out of here, or should I feed my baby this? Little things. Is it just childish and me holding a grudge?

I saw a quote somewhere and it said don't feel bad about cutting toxic people from your life, is it the same thing? I feel like people who have been abused can forgive their abusers, why can't i? But at the same time, how do I let her be in my life after four years of this? Controlling and manipulative, selfish and hypocritical. I can't tell you how many times I have cried over the things she's said or done to me. This isn't just some crazy parenting this is out of control. She might not hit me or starve me but she manipulates me. She makes me think that it's my fault and that she's innocent. That she loves me and she is trying super hard to get things done.

I went to the dentist in December and was supposed to have braces on by January. It is now obviously august and she hasn't even made an appointment. Yet the second the doctor tells her her knee needs surgery she has that all nice and scheduled. The dentist told me my teeth were so jacked up that I needed to come five years earlier. Yet when she was told this, she went out every night while I made dinner for her children and cleaned the house and her room per her request.

These are just a few examples. I need advice.


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Re: Not sure what to do - August 2nd 2015, 10:51 PM

I don't think it's anyone's place to tell you what to do because you have to live with the decision you make. I will say that you don't deserve abuse and if cutting her out of your life when you turn 18 feels right to you then you can do that. It would be very much cutting a toxic person out of your life, even if it is your mom. Yes, other people have forgiven their abusers, but that doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't mean she has to be in your life. You have to decide what's best for you, just because other people have doesn't mean you have to.


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Re: Not sure what to do - August 4th 2015, 10:12 PM

Hey there,

I don't think that anyone can tell you whether or not to cut your mom out of your life. I think if this is something that feels right to you then maybe you should go ahead and do it. A few years ago I pretty much cut my mom out of my life because she was not healthy to be around. I still have some support from my dad which has helped me deal with the issues I have with my mom. However, if you are going to cut your mom out of your life you might want to work on things like gaining financial independence and working on finding a place to live and things like that. While you have two years before you turn 18 that will creep up on you and if you aren't prepared it might be a bit of a shock.

I hope that this helped and I am wishing you the best of luck.


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Re: Not sure what to do - August 5th 2015, 10:53 PM

As the above posters have stated, it really is nobody else's place to advise one way or the other whether you should cut your mother out of your life. That is your decision and honestly, you are likely the one in the best position to make that call.

Speaking as someone with his own family issues, I would say that if distancing yourself from your mother feels like the right thing to do for you, then it probably is.

You asked if it would be possible to live without her advice. I would say yes, absolutely - you can receive input on certain things from other sources.

Again, however, I am not attempting to sway your decision one way or another - it's simply my input. Best wishes.
   
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