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This socialization thing is hard - August 27th 2015, 01:24 AM

I have never been able to socialize in groups. When people are talking in groups I just can't get in with them. I just end up feeling like a lurker/creeper who hovers over people. I've tried to go to different social groups to make friends but it doesn't seem to work. I always seem to "work out" how I will meet people- but it doesn't actually work out in practice. I just end up going there -trying to start conversations with people, and eventually leave hoping that they didn't think I was some weirdo.

This issue has been around my entire life. Other people can do it , and it seems like its always me who can't integrate with any group. I can do one on one just fine- as long as the person is dedicated to talking to me long enough to break through the awkwardness (like a therapist, a really nice person, or a professor). Because of this - I have never really had an active social life. It seems like other people have so much more vibrant social lives. Like I am worse than 98 percent of people when it comes to this. I've never really dated either. I'd like to have a girlfriend and a close group of friends- but I just don't seem capable of interacting with people in a more than professional sense. I definitely can't flirt at all and I always worry that I am going to be perceived as weird or creepy due to socializing not coming natural at all.


My "social life" is something like this: I go to events or classes and can talk to people a little bit(ask how they are , what their name is,etc.) --but as soon as its time to actually socialize freely - everyone ends up socializing with each other in groups and I end up creepily hovering over people or standing there by myself (or hiding some place where others can't see me being by myself- if a place like that is available).
   
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Re: This socialization thing is hard - August 27th 2015, 01:50 AM

Hey,

I absolutely get what you mean. I've had the same trouble for as long as I can remember too. Socialising is hard! I find that making friends through other friends somewhat makes it easier though, because you have already kind of broken the ice a bit having a mutual friend. If theres someone you're particularly close with, maybe see if they can help you arrange a get together where you can meet some of their friends. That's actually how I met my closest friends!

Otherwise, you could try social media as a way to meet people. A site like this could be a good idea - try heading into the chat room and talking to people there! It's not in person, so it's not quite the same, but online making friends can seem easier because you have time to consider what you say and correct yourself is something does come out wrong. Be careful of course, but it's an option, right?

If you're at university/school, you could also try joining some clubs or societies, or even joining a group in your class that you wouldn't usually join. That way you have your topic of conversation already so part of the work is done for you! Clubs can be a really good way to meet people with similar interests as well, and you'll find that other people will be understanding and probably won't think the worst of you anyway. Chances are, people are too busy thinking about other things, or just enjoying the chat to worry about whether you seem like a lurker/creeper. Throw yourself in there with a witty story or come back, laugh at their jokes, ask them what they like to do and how their day was.

As I say, this stuff is really hard for me too. I still struggle, and I work in retail. Sometimes you'll feel like kicking yourself because of something you said or the way you said it - but it's important to remember that everyone has trouble sometimes. Keep at it and don't be afraid to keep trying.

I hope that helped a bit! Feel free to message me if you need anything.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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Re: This socialization thing is hard - August 27th 2015, 01:36 PM

Hello - I completely understand what you are speaking of and much of your post here reminded me of my own situation. Your line that "Other people can do it" was so relatable to me. Socializing seems to come easily for other people and it's frustrating.

Honestly, as I haven't really discovered a solution to my own social troubles, I'm not sure I can offer any real suggestions. If there is a club or league in your community or school which is tailored to your interests that you feel you would enjoy, perhaps you could join, as this may provide a more comfortable atmosphere in which to try and get to know people. Best of luck.
   
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