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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
alli_ Offline
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Angry My Mom... - August 29th 2015, 02:04 PM

I've been having problems with my mom on and off for a few years now and recently it's gotten worse. I've always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and not think anything negative about her but I can't keep running from the truth. To sum her up, here's a list of her qualities/behaviors:

-Short bursts of anger
-Bipolar (?)
-Miscalculating and judging others & their intentions
-Invading the privacy of others
-Suspicion and paranoia
-Major trust issues
-Low self esteem, insecure
-Manipulative/deceitful (favorite method: emotional blackmail)
-False sense of superiority
-Attention seeker
-Over thinker—creates previously nonexistent problems
-Immature/impulsive behavior leads to arguments, misunderstandings, and mistrust
-Pits family against each other
-Overreacts to anything said about her
-Pessimist—finds flaws in everything and everyone (except herself)
-Refuses to apologize for her mistakes/misunderstandings (acts like nothing happened after an argument)

I come from a fairly conservative Muslim family so I don't date or do anything of that sort. Since I was about 13, my mom has accused me multiple times of being intimate with some guy or having secret flings (including my 45 yr old neighbor). She once even searched my room at 3AM and raised hell when she found a perfume bottle and instantly assumed it was from my "boyfriend". It was a gift from one of her friends that I received IN FRONT OF HER. Despite knowing that she was wrong and falsely accusing me, she didn't even bother to apologize. The next morning, she just pretended like nothing had happened. She also blames me for the fact that both of my brothers (22 & 23 yrs old) don't speak with her much anymore. She says I drove them away from her by telling them lies and filling their ears with bad things about her. They don't talk to her because they know how backwards she is, not because I did anything. When she's not going off at me for that stuff, she's as sweet as honey.

I don't know how to deal with it anymore. It's suffocating and there are days where I want to do nothing but cry until I can't breathe and then days when I am completely numb. All this is just a small part of what else happens on a daily basis. Can anyone give me some suggestions as to what I should do? Talking to her doesn't work because she doesn't listen. I can't move out when I'm 18 because that's not how Pakistani families work. Any suggestions besides those?
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Everglow. Offline
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Re: My Mom... - August 29th 2015, 02:26 PM

Hey there,

Unfortunately I haven't dealt with this so I'm not sure hw much help I can be, but might it be worth talking to your dad/other family member about it? If you're worried about her - especially since you put bipolar on the list - alerting people of her behaviour and just how upset it makes you might help, and maybe they can help you find something to help her. Otherwise, you could try spending some time with her, maybe go out for the day and just enjoy it. Try not to think too much about the negatives and maybe give her something else to focus on.

Alternatively if she wont listen and you do want to talk to her, you could try writing her a letter, or mayve making her dinner one night and explaining it over food so that she's sitting down with you and has no choice but to listen.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, and I wish you the best. Good luck.

❤ Nana ❤

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

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L4Y Offline
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Location: Ontario, Canada

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Re: My Mom... - August 30th 2015, 04:55 PM

I'm sorry to hear about the troubles in your relationship with your mother. I can somewhat relate to your situation, as my own mother suffers from severe mental illness which shows itself in many ways, including pathological lying and other issues.

I'm not sure I can offer much in the way of a solution to your problem except to suggest that you perhaps explore another living option with a friend or family member if you feel it is necessary or maybe involve other members of your family as a way to try and get your mother the help she appears to need. Best wishes with everything.
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desperate, mom, suffocating, suspicion, tired

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