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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Removing people as "family" on facebook when they aren't even family but your friend is overly sensitive - September 8th 2015, 03:41 PM

Ok, so back a few years ago one of my good friends added me as her "sister" on facebook. What ever, just silly, right? But since then our friendship has changed and I kind of want to make that "go away". I also think that I am 24 and that this kind of thing is super immature at this point - why the hell do I need to have "family members" listed on my Facebook at all, much less people who aren't even related to me?

The problem is that this friend is the kind of person who makes every little thing about herself. If I remove her, there is a super high risk that she will notice and she will automatically assume that my doing such a thing is some kind of awful slam against her. Obviously, a "rational" person would just assume I was removing people from my family list who weren't legitimately related to me, but she's not like that. I could seriously see her going to cry to her partner about what my problem with her is.

This is also why our friendship has changed. It has become super toxic to the point where I am honestly trying to distance myself from her because I can't deal with it any longer. This is largely because of her irrational, super critical and wayyyyy overly sensitive personality and her inability to deal with conflict or anything unsettling in a rational, kind or reasonable way. She purposefully victimizes herself, refuses to accept responsibility for how her own actions contribute to stuff, and so on. Even when she has a legitimate reason to be upset or disappointed, she will lash out inappropriately and cause a situation to be escalated.

The behaviour I described contributes to why I am worried about such a minor little thing. Like I feel like I have to wait until after an event we have together so that if she notices then she won't be fixated on it during the event. And I mean, in all honesty, she might not even give a crap but I don't know because she doesn't act "normally", I have to be sooooo careful about what I say and do around her to the point that even minor things like this cause me a bunch of anxiety because I get so worried about her making something that shouldn't be a big deal into a big dramatic shit-fest.

I am really sick of having to talk her down from minor stuff (there is a lot of stuff she tells me about that had nothing to do with me that I really shouldn't have had to explain to her). I don't really feel like having to justify why I don't want non-family on my family list on Facebook, but obviously I am going to do what I am going to do, and I can't spend the rest of my life worrying that she'll overreact to something that's not even an issue.. So...????




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Re: Removing people as "family" on facebook when they aren't even family but your friend is overly sensitive - September 8th 2015, 09:11 PM

I'd remove her from the list and point her towards TeenHelp She'd probably take offence though. If you aren't enjoying the friendship then I don't really think it is a proper friendship. It sounds like she needs help but maybe from a professional? Don't feel obliged to keep being her friend if you don't want to. You are perfectly within your rights to socialise with however you choose, and avoid others.
   
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Re: Removing people as "family" on facebook when they aren't even family but your friend is overly sensitive - September 8th 2015, 10:04 PM

Just do it to get it over with. If she overreacts, then that's her problem. The best thing for you to do then is unfriend her from Facebook. As you said, the so-called friendship is toxic and toxic things can be fatal; and in this instance, it would be mentally and emotionally damaging. Don't keep yourself in the relationship if it's hurting.
   
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Re: Removing people as "family" on facebook when they aren't even family but your friend is overly sensitive - September 9th 2015, 12:27 AM

Finley, trust me, she needs help, but because of how she victimizes herself she doesn't understand what is wrong with her behaviour and why it hurts her own mental being, as well as others. She's one of those people with problems who refuses to accept the depth of those problems or that they affect everyone around her. Not to mention that we are all too terrified of her reaction and volatile temperment to speak up. She's so fake, she tries so hard to always be wicked nice and sweet to people, but when you get to know her well you realize how dark and twisted she is inside. When she loses friends, I've noticed she never thinks about what she did to contribute to it. I don't want to make it sound like I have a problem with people who have "problems" though. I have "problems", I have anxiety, a bunch of my friends have problems. But we don't consistently allow it to interfere with our relationships and there lies the problem. When she consistently gets into therapy (and that's a big if) I imagine that she'll be a lot better off.

Reminiscence, I don't want to unfriend her, just edit some Facebook settings regarding a family list that she's sure to notice on the "about me" section of my profile. It's not the time, but if it ever becomes opportunistic then I might, but we'll see. I would rather just try to get some distance from her, which hopefully won't be too complicated, and let our friendship drift off more amicably. If I make any sudden moves, things will blow up and I just don't want any unnecessary drama. I think she has her own problems with me, real or perceived so hopefully this will be an easier less tense route.




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