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WyeOak Offline
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Having a hard time making friends in college - September 29th 2015, 07:42 PM

I hope this is in the correct section.

I'm a first year college student who's living away from home during the week. I'm in a place where I know nobody, with no friends to fall back on it or anything. It's been three weeks and so far I haven't made a single friend. I speak to the people in my course, they're all lovely and we say hello to each other in the hallways and speak occasionally in class but I haven't really clicked with anyone. The clubs and societies have only recently started up and I've been attending but I'm having my doubts that I'll make friends.

My parents ask me how things are going and I'll lie and say I've met a few good friends because I know if they think otherwise they'll probably want me to come home if I'm not enjoying it, which I couldn't do, we're by no means rich and getting here in the first place was an expense, one I know they didn't take lightly, so the last thing I want to do is disappoint them. I actually like the college, and my course, it's one that took a lot of work to get so I'm very happy to be here, it's just disheartening to sit alone for an hour or two at lunch or to be only person in the class sitting by myself.

I like to think I'm not completely unlikable, I have plenty of friends back home and I can hold brief conversations with people here. The problem is I always run out of things to say and I feel as though I give a bad impression, or I come off as boring. It's not as though I haven't been trying hard to fit in or socialize, I'm surprised by how much I'm pushing my own boundaries because socializing is something I'd usually shy away from but I've been going out of my way to try meet people, but so far I haven't gotten anywhere beyond formalities and polite conversations. At most I'd share a coffee for 10 or 15 minutes with one of the older students in my class maybe once a week. It's starting to get somewhat upsetting.
   
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Re: Having a hard time making friends in college - September 30th 2015, 01:39 AM

It can be hard to make close friends in university, especially at first. Don't let this discourage you because it sounds like people are talking to you and being friendly. You just need to take it to the next level (they might think you're unavailable, not shy).

You could also try to join a club or something, it's a good way to meet people and you can always sit quietly in a corner until your comfortable (I am a fan of corners and walls lol). I met a lot of my university friends through tutorials and clubs




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: Having a hard time making friends in college - October 1st 2015, 02:25 AM

Give it a little longer, three weeks is not very long.

I think it's great that you are at least sharing coffees with people. That's a good start.

Perhaps you need to be more forward. Rather than waiting for people to invite you to eat lunch with them, invite yourself. You don't need to literally walk over to their table and sit down with them, you can instead be talking to them about something before lunch and then just "end up" sitting together to eat. That's how I'd do it anyway.

I wouldn't worry about disappointing your parents. I'm sure they're more likely to be upset if you don't achieve academically, than if you don't make lifelong friends within the first month.

If you feel like you run out of things to say, try asking the other person questions. I'm not really one to talk at length about myself, so I find it easier to be the one doing the listening. As long as you don't overdo the questions and occasionally mention something about yourself, it won't feel like an interrogation.


Be kind to yourself.
   
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Re: Having a hard time making friends in college - October 1st 2015, 03:47 PM

Hey there I none of the people you're talking to are taking the first step, you'll have to do that. Once you've been chatting with someone for a while, suggest that you hang out after class or something. Usually these things just happen, even if at first it doesn't seem like it will.

Oh and by the way I really like some of Wye Oak's music (I'm assuming that's why you chose that username..)

Anyway, take care, and put yourself out there.

Skye


"You shall love your crooked neighbour / with your crooked heart."
   
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