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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My best friends a complete bitch - October 3rd 2015, 10:41 PM

A couple days ago, I made a thread about my best friend asking who's more selfish, with a story to go along with it. I'm reclusive and I need me-time even when its apparent that I should socialize more. He's the opposite and needs some one around all the time regardless of who has bigger priorities. Anyway, I definitely found out who's more selfish today; I have two exams for two hard classes coming up, and two papers, and he has to go shopping for clothes for college coming up in the winter. First off, I hate nothing, NOTHING AT ALL, more than I hate clothes shopping. And he knows that. Even if I didn't have an enormous workload, I would just say that I picked up an extra shift to avoid it. Regardless, he's bitching and telling me to suck a dick, acting like fucking bro-time spent shopping for Goddamn clothes is more important than me potentially wasting thousands of dollars on failed classes. I am well aware that he's an idiot. But holy shit, I really think he's turning into the most selfish bitch-ass motherfucker I've ever met.
I've been friends with him for 16 years. I'm not gonna be the one to break off my friendship with him under any circumstances, so its all on him if something happened. Still though, I would be alone with nobody to hang out with if that happened, which suddenly... sounds kinda nice.


Wish I lived in Canada. UPDATE, NOV. 9th, 2016: This statement has become even more appropriate.
I vow that I will attack this endeavor with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Jim Harbaugh

"Being an adult sucks. The only positives are weed, sex, and cars, and I have none of those right now." -Me

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Re: My best friends a complete bitch - October 4th 2015, 06:35 AM

Hey, Robert.

What he has done sounds frustrating to no end. I'm sorry he has said such hurtful things especially when you had valid reasoning not to take him shopping. Can his parents help him shop for clothes that he needs for college? Is he fully aware of what you needed to be doing and what's at stake if you don't pass these exams? If so, it is incredibly unfair on his part to ask you to do this when he knows how busy you are with such an important task.

Has he reached out for help for his issues? If not, I suggest encouraging him to seek help such as therapy to help him handle his problems in a healthy way. Approaching his parents about all of this could be a good idea as well so they could support him and encourage more healthy ways of handling his frustrations.

I understand and acknowledge that he deals with a lot as well and his issues most likely play into how he treats others but as I said, it still doesn't make it okay for you to be treated like that. As long as you calmly explained you could not take him shopping due to an enormous amount of work you need to be doing then such a rude, disrespectful response from him is wrong. Regardless, even if he didn't know that he at least owed you the chance to share your side of the story.

The fact that you two have been friends for so long can understandably make breaking off the friendship very difficult. But it seems as this friendship has become toxic to both of you. He is inconsiderate of important things you need to do and is dependent on you therefore acts out when you aren't able to follow through. When he acts out, you feel frustrated and angry. Honestly, ending the friendship might be the best solution for both of you.

I believe in treating others how you'd like to be treated. So whatever you decide, if you do end the friendship or you approach him about your frustrations; my tip is to be as kind as possible. Acknowledge that you know he deals with issues that makes his life harder on personal levels but you really don't appreciate him saying such rude things and not respecting your need to be alone sometimes. Along with when you have important things to get done. If you want to have another try at the friendship, maybe you could set boundaries on hanging out with him with a compromise of if he is willing to put effort into improving how he treats you as a person. Make plans with him rather than a spur of the moment thing and ask to spend time with him on days that you're less busy with school.

Compromises, communication and effort on both sides could improve this friendship but if things continue this way, remember he is supposed to be your friend and friends shouldn't treat each other so rudely. You shouldn't have to simply deal with this, so if nothing can fix these issues then walking away may be best as hard as that may be.
   
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Re: My best friends a complete bitch - October 4th 2015, 05:37 PM

Yeah, thats the thing. He has both parents but doesn't listen to a word they say. He has a therapist who sounds like a complete idiot; all I ever hear is how cool he is, talking about snorting cocaine in college. He's on medication, which is a double ended sword; he doesn't take them a lot of the time. I told him pretty calmly and rationally (well... bluntly) about how he's acting selfish, and then he calls me a self-concerned douche. One problem is, once someone tells him he's wrong, he stops listening. The name-calling doesn't bother me. We're dudes, we call each other terrible things during peace time.
The reason our friendship always worked is because I'm usually so relaxed and patient that when he's doing his usual bullshit, I can shrug it off no problem. The difference now is that he's acting completely whiny, too, like a child. He's gotta learn to act his age and actually listen to constructive criticism.


Wish I lived in Canada. UPDATE, NOV. 9th, 2016: This statement has become even more appropriate.
I vow that I will attack this endeavor with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Jim Harbaugh

"Being an adult sucks. The only positives are weed, sex, and cars, and I have none of those right now." -Me

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hatred cannot drive out hatred; only love can do that." -Martin Luther King Jr.
   
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Re: My best friends a complete bitch - October 5th 2015, 09:23 PM

If I were you, I'd think that he's not your friend anymore.
I know that it pains you to read this. It pains me to write it too. Times change, as do people.
My best suggestion would be to at least make him sit down and listen. If he won't, then...
Worst case scenario, you're not friends anymore.
All I can think of, good luck my friend.
   
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Re: My best friends a complete bitch - October 6th 2015, 02:46 AM

It sounds like this guy isn't a great friend. I know that you don't want to cut ties, but it sounds like that should be something you should consider. Your tone is really angry sounding and you seem to be be harbouring a lot of negativity to him. My question to you is this: do you really want to be maintaining a friendship that is so toxic? I've had my fair share of toxic friendships and it is very freeing when you finally say or think to yourself that "enough is enough". There is no sense is hanging onto a friendship that doesn't make you feel positive and fulfilled. You can always make new friends. And no one said you have to cut ties to the extent that you never speak to him again. You can just reevaluate the friendship and step back and "cut ties" to the extent that allows you to have a healthier relationship with him.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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