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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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madeofamethyst Offline
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Father - October 18th 2015, 01:13 AM

My relationship with my father is really, really rocky, to say the least. He treats me like crap, honestly. I know he's not at all emotionally abusive, but he makes me feel worse than anyone else I've had to deal with and I honestly don't know what to do about it anymore.
My father is very stubborn, entitled, rude, and gets irrationally angry over the smallest things, just childish in general and no matter what I try to do he never listens to my side of things, just has an attitude of not caring at all... I really don't know how to describe him so I'm just going to give examples of things he's done.
Last winter, I had been going through one of the roughest periods of my life. I was suicidal constantly, etc etc. My grandma was taken to the hospital on Christmas eve, so we were gonna postpone Christmas dinner until she got out. On Christmas day I was feeling probably the worst I'd felt all winter. I was crying all morning and when my dad woke up, I asked if we could just open the presents (I thought it would cheer me up) and he started screaming about me being selfish and telling me that I "wanted my grandmother's last Christmas to be horrible."
One time we ordered takeout and I got a small appetizer with a side, and when it arrived my dad kept picking at the side dish before I tried it. I just asked if he could stop taking some, which eventually resulted in him yelling at me to have a heart attack over the cholesterol in the food and screaming at me.
A few weeks ago, we were walking out of the house to go to a store or something and there were only 2 water bottles left, one cold, one not. My throat was bothering me so I asked if I could take it, he rolled his eyes, got all pissed off and started saying things like "You know, you're just like your brother, he pulls the same fucking shit" (my brother is an adult but has been doing some things that have strained the family recently), all because I calmly asked if I could have the cold water.
I remember one time I was just talking about music with him and I said something about how not all modern music is bad or whatever, and he started yelling at me, telling me that I was "too liberal," getting all offended because he thought I was questioning his intelligence or something. I had never been nasty or raised my voice in the conversation, he just got so pissed out of no where.
These are only 3 things but he does stuff like this literally every day, for as long as I can remember. Some of the things he has said to me are the worst things ANYONE has ever said to me, and no one has ever made me feel as bad as my father has at times. If he's having a bad day, he takes his anger out by screaming at everyone else. If I or anyone else is having a bad day and is just a little on edge, he gets pissed at us.
I've tried calmly and politley talking to him about this stuff, about how he upsets me, and so has my mom, but it just pisses him off more. He treats me so harshly all the time and I honestly don't like him at all, but I'm at a loss for what to do. He makes me so fucking angry and upset almost daily and it is absolutely exhausting.
   
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Re: Father - October 18th 2015, 01:13 AM

Sorry this is worded so poorly, I wrote this right after another big fight with him so I'm still really shaken
   
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Re: Father - October 18th 2015, 04:11 AM

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you tried talking to him about how he makes you feel even if it didn't have the ideal results. It takes strength to do that and you took the initiative and gave it a try which is huge. It doesn't seem like he likes confrontation, and it doesn't seem like he is the type of person to take responsibility for his actions. I'd like to think people can change for the better but I honestly do not know if everyone is capable of change and I think it is in your best interest to avoid your dad whenever you can. He is not a healthy person to be around and you need positive people in your life.

I think it would help if you have no expectations when you're around him. If you're not expecting anything, anything he does will be a bonus but you won't be as disappointed if he does or says anything rude. I know this is hard and I don't know how I was able to do this. But, there was a person in my life like this and over time I told myself that that's how they were, they weren't going to change, and they were going to continue saying and doing things to hurt my feelings. I don't know if that makes sense but once I was able to accept the type of person this person was, I improved a lot mentally.

Is counseling an option for you? I think you'd benefit a lot if you could talk to someone about what you're going through.


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