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Angry She is a compulsive liar - October 27th 2015, 11:27 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My mother seriously is getting worse, she keeps lying and lying about more and more stuff. Today all I said was I wouldn't be able to afford to buy my Aunty and my cousin this year as I am struggling with money, but no she had to make a big argument. Her family always have to come first before the rest of us, but as far as I am concerned my Dad and little brother is more important. She kept going on about the presents for my Aunty and cousin, three times of getting on at me in one day was just beyond a joke, yet she lied straight to my dad's face and said she didn't. Why would I even make lies up about her? Then I got onto her about her forcing me to buy every one on her side of the family for Christmas and then telling me to lie to my dad each year and say I haven't bought them (which obviously I didn't lie to him) and she tried to say this morning that she never forced me to buy them yet you could see in her face she was lying. I dunno what her problem is with me, but she just seems to try and make me the bad person when actually its her. I have self harmed because of it, cut my arm thanks to her causing an argument and making me cry.
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Re: She is a compulsive liar - October 27th 2015, 10:53 PM

Hi, Michaela.

Being around your mother and knowing that she is lying to your dad, lying to others around you and also lying to you sounds extremely upsetting especially since she's your mother; someone you should be able to trust. I'm sorry your mother lies and makes you seem as a bad person.

Isn't your dad aware of her compulsive lying? If so, maybe you can talk to your dad and explain which ways she makes you out to be a bad person even though it's not true. As long as your close family such as your dad and your brother is aware of the way she lies then it could help preserve your relationship with them.

Gift shopping can be stressful financially so I understand why you would want to buy gifts for those you're closest to if you aren't able to buy gifts for everyone. That's understandable and something I'd think the majority of people would do when shopping for gifts on a budget. You're caring and considerate for thinking of your family in the first place because you don't have to buy gifts for your dad and brother, you want to despite not having lots of money and that's very thoughtful.

You were understandably upset due to the arguments and lies which caused you to self-harm. I'm sorry it made you turn to self-harm. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you but would it help to try other coping techniques before self-harming when you're frustrated with your mother? Since she triggers you, do you have a way to get away from arguments and frustrations like going for a walk or immersing yourself in music? Perhaps you could keep a journal to vent in so you'll have a way to express yourself.

Would your mother listen if you were to confront her about this? Do you think she would seek professional help such as a psychologist to help her with this? She may not show it but many who are compulsive liars feel guilty and feel as they can't control what they do, hence 'compulsive' and some may not even admit they have a problem, even to themselves. Perhaps you could tell your mom she can come clean to you right when she lies and let her know you'll stay calm and be proud of her for telling you. If she'd comply to that agreement then it might help her overcome the compulsive need to lie if she knows she'll be confessing right afterwards. She may begin to 'catch' herself before she is dishonest.

Hope this has helped in someway. I know it must be really frustrating and upsetting dealing with her ways so often but just remember that you're handling this very well by simply not giving in to her requests - you aren't lying to your dad and becoming more like her, you're being you despite the pressure she's putting you under; kind, caring and honest. Honesty is important and you're pretty strong for standing your ground. Stay strong and take care.
   
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Re: She is a compulsive liar - October 28th 2015, 03:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala View Post
Hi, Michaela.

Being around your mother and knowing that she is lying to your dad, lying to others around you and also lying to you sounds extremely upsetting especially since she's your mother; someone you should be able to trust. I'm sorry your mother lies and makes you seem as a bad person.

Isn't your dad aware of her compulsive lying? If so, maybe you can talk to your dad and explain which ways she makes you out to be a bad person even though it's not true. As long as your close family such as your dad and your brother is aware of the way she lies then it could help preserve your relationship with them.

Gift shopping can be stressful financially so I understand why you would want to buy gifts for those you're closest to if you aren't able to buy gifts for everyone. That's understandable and something I'd think the majority of people would do when shopping for gifts on a budget. You're caring and considerate for thinking of your family in the first place because you don't have to buy gifts for your dad and brother, you want to despite not having lots of money and that's very thoughtful.

You were understandably upset due to the arguments and lies which caused you to self-harm. I'm sorry it made you turn to self-harm. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you but would it help to try other coping techniques before self-harming when you're frustrated with your mother? Since she triggers you, do you have a way to get away from arguments and frustrations like going for a walk or immersing yourself in music? Perhaps you could keep a journal to vent in so you'll have a way to express yourself.

Would your mother listen if you were to confront her about this? Do you think she would seek professional help such as a psychologist to help her with this? She may not show it but many who are compulsive liars feel guilty and feel as they can't control what they do, hence 'compulsive' and some may not even admit they have a problem, even to themselves. Perhaps you could tell your mom she can come clean to you right when she lies and let her know you'll stay calm and be proud of her for telling you. If she'd comply to that agreement then it might help her overcome the compulsive need to lie if she knows she'll be confessing right afterwards. She may begin to 'catch' herself before she is dishonest.

Hope this has helped in someway. I know it must be really frustrating and upsetting dealing with her ways so often but just remember that you're handling this very well by simply not giving in to her requests - you aren't lying to your dad and becoming more like her, you're being you despite the pressure she's putting you under; kind, caring and honest. Honesty is important and you're pretty strong for standing your ground. Stay strong and take care.
My dad knows about the way she is and he has even spoken to her about getting help but when she says she will she just doesn't bother. She doesn't realise how much its affecting the family and its tearing this family apart. I nearly left because of her and it caused a big argument between my mum and dad. He said he has depression because of all of it but he said he is on depression tablets and doing more exercise to try and get back to the person who he used to be. But my mum just seems to be making no effort. Also another thing that really got to me today, my cousin's girlfriend nearly had a miscarriage and my mum was devastated (don't get me wrong so was I) but when I lost my little girl to still birth she didn't give a flying crap. She never wanted me to have little Rosalie and her wish came true and I lost her. Just seems all of her family comes before the 3 of us, she never used to be like this but when I hit 13 it all went downhill between me and my mum and it did between my mum and dad's relationship as well. It just hurts when we are trying to fix things and she is making no effort, not meeting us halfway or anything. I'm sick of fighting for a mum and daughter relationship that just doesn't exist anymore but I'm the type of person who never gives up. But its getting too exhausting and the more I try, the worse it just seems to get for me. I never want to get up on a morning, when my friends want to meet up with me I tell them am poorly so I can just shut myself away. This is what she is doing to this family, she is making us fall apart and even though we are trying, she isn't. Is there any point fighting for something that just isn't there anymore?
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