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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I feel so paranoid in my own home! - November 19th 2015, 05:26 PM

My uncle has been staying with us for the last year due to problems at home. I love him, he's my uncle. It may sound strange but I'm so paranoid it's unreal. Earlier today I mentioned I was taking one of my little cousins out on Sunday and asked if my mum and him wanted to come, and I just said that maybe he wanted to bring his granddaughter and my mum said it would be nice. He declined which is fair enough, I was just thinking it could be nice if a few of us went. So I just said 'well I thought I'd ask' and he responded 'well I've just said' and to me it just came across so blunt and it could just me over thinking things but I don't know if it was meant in a jokey way or not. But to me it was just something so trivial I don't see what the big deal is, he doesn't want to come out that's fine. When his daughters are round I don't know where to put myself, they're my cousins too but I feel like I'm treading on toes by wandering around the house and doing what I want to. When his granddaughter wants to be around me and my sister I feel like I am taking their time away together but I can't stop her from coming into the other room, if I go upstairs she will come and find me, she's 6 she doesn't understand. I feel like I'm in the way in my own home! I feel like he's always talking behind my back. I've never heard him saying anything but I feel he might be anyway. I feel like he talks about my boyfriend behind his back and although he never says anything to me I think he makes him feel uncomfortable at times. I could be wrong though. I spend half the week at my house and half the week at my boyfriend's and I feel like when I'm leaving to go he is judging me or my parents for the arrangement I have. Sometimes we will spend two nights at one's house and two at the other's and my uncle has made a comment about he hasn't seen me. I feel like I'm being judged constantly and in my own home to top it off.

I've never felt so uncomfortable and so uneasy in my own home. But then if I'm not here at all comments are made.
Am I being paranoid and over analysing or am I right to feel like this?


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Re: I feel so paranoid in my own home! - November 19th 2015, 10:52 PM

Hey, Paige.

To answer your question, no, it doesn't seem as you are over analyzing or being paranoid. He does seem rather blunt when he answers a question of yours, and I can understand why that would cause tension. Does he only answer your questions that way or does he behave to same with with the rest of your family? He may not be talking behind your back, and it might be just the way he is - he puts things bluntly and straight to the point. Some people are like that and it's nothing personal.

As for when your cousins and his granddaughter is around, I doubt you are imposing on any quality time. It is their choice to come see you, it isn't like you pulled them away. They seem to want to spend time with you and that's wonderful actually. And it is your own home so just remind yourself of that, that you can't possibly be in the way.

I do understand why you'd feel uncomfortable, though. I most likely would as well in your position. I am sorry you feel uncomfortable in your own home with him around. I hope the two of you are able to sort things out, talk a little and get on better terms with each other. Perhaps the more time you spend with him the more comfortable you will become. You care for your uncle but it seems like things are uncomfortable between the two of you. Is there a way the two of you could spend more quality time together to see if that'll change anything in a positive way?
   
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Re: I feel so paranoid in my own home! - November 23rd 2015, 05:01 PM

Hey Ellie,

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I'm definitely going to try tot take your advice on board.

Thank you again!!

Paige


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