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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Friends joke too much. - November 26th 2015, 09:12 AM

Well, the group of friends I've been in for almost 2 years (Although I've known them for 10 years) make too many jokes, and they mostly hit hard as well.

A few weeks ago, they joke about my girlfriend cheating. One of them changed their profile pic to my girlfriend's and jokingly chat that they had sex. I have told them a few times that I don't like them joking very much, but they interpret it as them being too serious or they just want to piss me off. (I bet the latter)

I think that if my life turns for the worst again, they won't support me, they will just fucking mock me. I don't have many serious friends in real life.

I admit, I may have to get a thicker skin at some points, but at some points they go too far. It upsets me so much that I am thinking of leaving the group chat, but I want to know another way to let them know that they shouldn't joke too much with me.


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Re: Friends joke too much. - November 26th 2015, 11:21 AM

Hey, Jordi.

I'm sorry to hear that your friends make jokes like these. I understand why you'd be hurt by it. I think mostly anyone would. What they do as a "joke" regarding your girlfriend is wrong especially since you already struggle with insecurities. Plus, their idea of a joke comes across as simply disrespectful to both you and your girlfriend. Not to mention, what they're doing seems rather immature.

Have you made it clear that their idea of a joke is upsetting you? They may not be hearing you. Let them know how it feels from your point of view and explain that just because they see you as "taking a joke too seriously", that doesn't mean it doesn't upset you. Speaking up is perfectly okay, and if they are real friends then they'll take your feelings into consideration and hopefully not continue their current actions. Lots of things are obviously not okay to do, but sadly some people don't realize that and don't realize the impact it could have. So it may help to make it clear how their actions made you feel. Communication is important, and if that's uneffective then it may be best to distance yourself from them.

Feeling as you don't have any serious friends must be upsetting. Friendship should be strong and one out of the many parts, you should feel as you can count on that friend. Branching out may be a good idea. Are you going to college soon, and/or searching for a job? Hopefully in those two areas you will make good friends whom you become close with. Volunteer work is a good way to meet others and make new friends as well.

You've known these people for a long time but if they aren't true friends by supporting you, not mocking you/making insensitive jokes, and being friends you can count on, it may be a good idea to reconsider your friendship(s) with them. That is, if your efforts to resolve the issues at hand are unsuccessful. I realize that's easier said than done, but at the end of the day, you deserve friends who are actually your friends rather than people who are unsupportive and mock you. True, kind friends are possible to find I believe. Even if it's later on in your life.

I hope this situation with your friends improves. Take care and stay strong. You've got friends here at TeenHelp!
   
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Re: Friends joke too much. - November 26th 2015, 12:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala View Post
Hey, Jordi.

I'm sorry to hear that your friends make jokes like these. I understand why you'd be hurt by it. I think mostly anyone would. What they do as a "joke" regarding your girlfriend is wrong especially since you already struggle with insecurities. Plus, their idea of a joke comes across as simply disrespectful to both you and your girlfriend. Not to mention, what they're doing seems rather immature.

Have you made it clear that their idea of a joke is upsetting you? They may not be hearing you. Let them know how it feels from your point of view and explain that just because they see you as "taking a joke too seriously", that doesn't mean it doesn't upset you. Speaking up is perfectly okay, and if they are real friends then they'll take your feelings into consideration and hopefully not continue their current actions. Lots of things are obviously not okay to do, but sadly some people don't realize that and don't realize the impact it could have. So it may help to make it clear how their actions made you feel. Communication is important, and if that's uneffective then it may be best to distance yourself from them.

Feeling as you don't have any serious friends must be upsetting. Friendship should be strong and one out of the many parts, you should feel as you can count on that friend. Branching out may be a good idea. Are you going to college soon, and/or searching for a job? Hopefully in those two areas you will make good friends whom you become close with. Volunteer work is a good way to meet others and make new friends as well.

You've known these people for a long time but if they aren't true friends by supporting you, not mocking you/making insensitive jokes, and being friends you can count on, it may be a good idea to reconsider your friendship(s) with them. That is, if your efforts to resolve the issues at hand are unsuccessful. I realize that's easier said than done, but at the end of the day, you deserve friends who are actually your friends rather than people who are unsupportive and mock you. True, kind friends are possible to find I believe. Even if it's later on in your life.

I hope this situation with your friends improves. Take care and stay strong. You've got friends here at TeenHelp!
Eey Ellie

Although I heard from my girlfriend that the girlfriend of one of these friends (Also in group of friends) has spoke out about it as well. I haven't asked her about it myself (Whenever I text her, she thinks I am doubting my girlfriend again (Girlfriend told me this but runs to my side.) while I am fighting them more than fucking ever and just want a casual chat with her nowadays...) but I will this Saturday.

I tried communicating, even before the girlfriend cheating joke, but they interpret it like they have to joke more and more. That is why I am sometimes thinking about leaving the group chat if they won't realize it. The women in the group of friends are more supportive, serious and mature though.

I am kind of socially awkward (WORKING ON IT), I am in college already (Dutch school system), I have friends there, but I don't communicate with them nearly as much because I don't know much how to maintain a friendship with everyone. I am applying for a job too, but haven't had a reply to it yet. I do feel that if I leave the chat, I won't have real life friends who I have regular contact with and the downwards spiral of 2013 restarts again...

I do have supportive and serious friends, but either I don't see them as much or I only know them from the internet. In their defence, I wasn't having much contact with them in high school days until exam year, so I don't know how they get so fucking insensitive/joking while they don't know how I got so serious and depressed, and I don't want to bother explaining it because it would be a waste of time anyway.


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Re: Friends joke too much. - November 27th 2015, 07:14 AM

I'm sorry you feel this way. It sounds like you feel stuck in a way, like if you cut off contact with friends who aren't treating you well then you won't have anyone. That must be a tough position to be in. Honestly, I still do suggest distancing yourself from them because being alone until you meet new, true friends is a lot better than sticking with people who don't treat you well and don't make an effort to take your feelings into consideration.

If it is possible, you could maintain contact with the friends who are mature and caring, and distance yourself from the ones who aren't. That may not be possible since it is a group of friends. Just an idea! You may could regularly contact them via text to prevent potentially running into your other friends who aren't very kind to you. No matter what happens, you can always seek support here when you are struggling.

Are you able to pinpoint what you are having trouble with in terms of being able to maintain a friendship with people at your college? I understand you struggle socially at times, and that's okay. It's common, and it's also possible to overcome so don't give up! Perhaps you could make it a goal to socialize with your friends at college more often? You could discuss college-related subjects along with trivial topics such as interests. Texting them every so often and hanging out with them could help you get to know them better as well.
   
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Re: Friends joke too much. - November 27th 2015, 08:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala View Post
I'm sorry you feel this way. It sounds like you feel stuck in a way, like if you cut off contact with friends who aren't treating you well then you won't have anyone. That must be a tough position to be in. Honestly, I still do suggest distancing yourself from them because being alone until you meet new, true friends is a lot better than sticking with people who don't treat you well and don't make an effort to take your feelings into consideration.

If it is possible, you could maintain contact with the friends who are mature and caring, and distance yourself from the ones who aren't. That may not be possible since it is a group of friends. Just an idea! You may could regularly contact them via text to prevent potentially running into your other friends who aren't very kind to you. No matter what happens, you can always seek support here when you are struggling.

Are you able to pinpoint what you are having trouble with in terms of being able to maintain a friendship with people at your college? I understand you struggle socially at times, and that's okay. It's common, and it's also possible to overcome so don't give up! Perhaps you could make it a goal to socialize with your friends at college more often? You could discuss college-related subjects along with trivial topics such as interests. Texting them every so often and hanging out with them could help you get to know them better as well.
Well, I'll be doing something with one of the jokers tomorrow (Triple date to Hunger Games) so after that, I might distance myself from it. Apart from jokes he mostly asks me things about the PS3 (We both own a PS3 and I know how to use the UI like the back of my hand) and such.

Some people at my college are jokers too, I have one friend I sometimes talk to, and is a wrestling fan as well, and a few IT friends, but that's it. They live in places further than I'm used to, so yeah.


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