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Grounded.... - December 3rd 2015, 01:25 AM

Hi i'm Josh, 17 year old boy. I came here for a bit of advice. My parents are very strict and 1 month ago my younger bro of 13 was smoking weed in the garden while they were out and i caught him and confiscated it and yelled at him for being so silly.

The trouble was one of our neighbours had been in their garden and smelt it, reported it to my parents. After i took his weed i did not throw it away right away i sort of put it in my room to get rid of later and parents searched room and found it.

Well they didn't believe me when i said it was bro's weed and i got grounded for 6 months and i have done already one month and its driving me round the twist and dunno if i can deal with another 5 months grounded!

Bro won't own up he did it, i have begged him so many times but he refuses, what can i do? This punishment is driving me nuts and is unfair cos i never did it I can't keep begging bro it gets embarrassing and i know he finds it funny cos he laughs when i beg him to get me off this long grounding. This punishment is proper harsh, straight home from school and up to my room every night, not allowed out weekends or christmas break. Yikes!!

What would you do? I can't make bro own up. Also i am a bit worried he will carry on smoking it in future, he just laughs when i ask him not to do it again. I love him and worry bout him even after what he did and got me grounded so long.

The punishment sucks but i still care for bro too
   
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Re: Grounded.... - December 3rd 2015, 05:14 AM

Hey, Josh.

That sounds frustrating to be punished for something you didn't even do and having your brother refuse to admit it to your parents. I'm sorry this happened.

You're a good brother for still having such concern for your brother despite taking the fall for one of his actions without choice. He's lucky to have you as his brother. The thing is, not only should he be the one being punished because it was his weed, but also because it could serve as a wake-up call to him. In this situation, he was planning on smoking weed yet suffers no consequences from parents. Whereas he could have suffered much worse consequences legally speaking. He most likely needs to hear that from his parents to take it seriously. I'd hope he'll take it seriously.

Ask your parents to trust you. You can make it clear that you are not telling them it was your brother's weed for the sole purpose of getting out of the punishment, but because you are worried about your brother. Reassure them you are being completely honest and ask them if they can talk to your brother about the risks and dangers. In the meantime, do your best to not give them a reason not to trust you. Continue being honest and respectful, and state that it was your brother instead of you.

Wishing you the best of luck. I hope your brother eventually comes clean and is given support to help him overcome the need to smoke in the first place.
   
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Re: Grounded.... - December 3rd 2015, 06:34 AM

Hi, many thanks for the reply

My parents, particularly my dad, are very stubborn and once they decide something they won't seem to listen and try and accept it could be wrong. I kept protesting my innocence so much that at one point my dad said if it carried on i would not be allowed to sit and eat at the dinner table with them or spend anytime sitting downstairs with them as they allow me to spend a short bit of time in the lounge each evening and this makes it a bit more bearable as it breaks up the room time a little. So to make this punishment less of a nightmare i no longer protest my innocence. I don't say it was my weed but i don't deny it either. i just say nothing and dad seems to accept this.

They did sit with Bro, when it first happened and they found the weed in my room. I was sent to stand facing the wall while they talked to bro for about an hour and warned him of the dangers and even asked him if it was his and if i was telling the truth. He denied it. They asked a few times and he kept on denying it, they believed him and i got grounded. Life just isn't fair is it?

I get that bro is scared to own up but if the situation was reversed i would own up and not let my bro do 6 months grounded, honestly i'd feel guilty not to. I am far from a saint myself, don't get me wrong but i always own up my mistakes and face the consequences. Thats where Bro and i are so different...but i still love my bro and care for him.
   
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Re: Grounded.... - December 3rd 2015, 07:02 AM

You're welcome! Welcome to TeenHelp, by the way.

That must be quite frustrating that your parents don't believe you despite being honest about past mistakes. You don't deserve to be punished for what you did not do. Does your neighbor know anything further? Has your neighbor seen your brother in the garden to be able to clarify that to your parents?

Could it be beneficial to have another conversation with your brother? Explain you care about him but so does his parents, and it's good to be honest to establish trust between child and parent. Him coming clean could be a moment where his parents are proud of him for coming clean, and then trust him more because his past actions proved he is an honest person. This time you don't have to practically beg him to come clean, but instead explain the potential benefits - that it could get a lot off his conscious to be honest. Even if he doesn't feel guilty at the time, he might later.
   
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Re: Grounded.... - December 3rd 2015, 07:12 AM

I was very unlucky because the neighbour only saw me out there at that time. I am taller than bro and wear a baseball cap that everyone knows i wear cos i wear it most times when i am out and about and well he didn't hear the yelling because he went back inside before that. So this only made it all even worse for me i have to grin because if i don't i just get mad instead

I have tried all sorts to get bro to own up. I think i will carry on trying, i have 5 months to try and persuade him

The thing is i know hes a good kid really, but he has been mixing with some boys who are bad news and since he started hanging with them he started doing the things like the weed. All he says when i lecture him is ''its cool'' and tells me i'm boring
   
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Re: Grounded.... - December 3rd 2015, 03:48 PM

It can be hard sticking up for a younger sibling. Just talk to your brother. Explain to him it's not humerous and its important to be accountable for your actions.
Tell him you won't be there next time he comes asking for your help - I'm sure he wouldn't enjoy you laughing in his face if he needed you again.
   
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Re: Grounded.... - December 3rd 2015, 04:33 PM

im sorry to say this but if i was you i slaped the shit out off him 4 real i think you need to say to him that your going to snitch about his secrets to ur parents if i doesn't be fair to ur parents


it takes a strong man to deny whats right in front of him and if the truth is undeniable you create your own
   
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