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Speaking to my mother - December 5th 2015, 02:44 PM

I've been struggling with some personal issues of myself and at school. I feel like I need to have my mom involved because I hate to always be keeping secrets around her. It makes me feel so guilty and I want to be open about this.
So my question is how should I go about having a better relationship with her and still be understood by her as well. I don't want to get in trouble either by doing things I'm not supposed to do. I feel extremely guilty which has led me to self harm and starving myself. What should I do?
   
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Re: Speaking to my mother - December 5th 2015, 05:33 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, but glad you want to get you mom involved. The best way to do it is to wait until things are calm (you aren't fighting, in trouble, or busy) and you can sit down with her and have the conversation.

You could also write it down and either give it or read it to her, or you can write down a list of what you want to tell her so you don't forget anything. I would not suggest sending her this in a text or email; it may be easier for you, but it's a hard way for a parent to find out.


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Re: Speaking to my mother - December 6th 2015, 06:36 AM

Hey, Cheyenne.

You've been having a hard time lately, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm happy to hear you want to let your mom in on things in your life. I think that could help a lot so you have someone you can talk to honestly, that'll listen and understand rather than having to keep everything to yourself.

Firstly, how about bringing this very topic up to your mom? Let her know you want to feel closer to her and ask her if it's okay to talk to her about things on your mind, not at that moment but just day-to-day thoughts, feelings and events in your life. Then from there on, just include her in what is going on in your life, things you don't normally open up about. Such as if you are stressed about schoolwork, let her know that you are stressed and that's why you haven't been able to focus that day. Or talk to her about issues with friendships for her advice/support. Ease into talking to her about different things by talking about the little things first, and work up from there.

Katie has a great suggestion about talking to her when you two are getting along well and things are calm around the household, as in when she isn't very busy. Writing a note can be an effective alternative as well, because that way you can practice talking to her and think about the best ways to help her understand beforehand.

Something else that may help is to include her in activities such as hobbies, or simple things such as asking her opinion on which clothing will go best, or ideas for a lyrics' line (which would be a subtle way to let her in on how you are feeling, if what you already wrote is centered on your struggles.) Spending more quality time with her to bond with her could help a lot as well. How about finding something for both of you to do together each week? Whether it be a hobby, playing a game, or going to a place to eat that only the two of you go to. Find interests both of you enjoy and talk about it. The simple things can allow you two to become closer and more understanding towards each other.

I hope you are able to establish a closer relationship with your mom. I think that'd be very positive for you. Best of luck.
   
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