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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Calaer Offline
I have the Millennium Puzzle
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Angry Seasonal Feelings. - December 9th 2015, 06:36 PM

As some of you know, my biological family and I don't really get along. I've not talked to my Father in (going on) 2 years. Well lately I've been having issues with my mother. Normally, I would just roll my eyes and get over anything that she says or does because she is totally nuts, but this time I've just had enough.

Lately I've had a rough time, between this failing pregnancy, my Kitten having heath issues, and the holidays (Which is a very emotional time for me) I just have no idea how to handle everything. My oldest sister is a horrible person (I've posted about her before, so I won't go in to details about her situation here.) and my mother is always lifting her up, and treating her like gold. I'm over here in shambles, and while I have Jordan and his family, I wish I could go to my mother, or that she would be here for me during something like this, but she isn't.

She is ALWAYS tagging me in things about how she is 'proud of me, but is really proud of her other daughters more' and always adds photos. Like the Ultrasound of my sister's, my little sister with her uniform on, ect. It's like I can't escape the shadows. I understand why she would be proud of my little sisters, in fact, I'm proud of them too, but I can't handle being under my older sister. (As bad as that sounds, I stand by it.)

I know that I'm not better than anyone else, and in any other instance, I would believe it, but this time I don't. My sister has stolen hundreds of dollars off of me and other family members, she mooches off people, always high on drugs, abuses her kids, ect. I work so hard! I'm the only grown up one out of us two.

I'm doing some online collage classes to be able to start my career soon. (I'm so close to being done, just one more class and I'm finished totally.) I keep my home clean and drug free. We don't even smoke. Jordan works so hard with two jobs seven days a week. I would like to think I'm a pretty good mother as well. I try and be a good daughter. I do everything my mother asks me to, even though I know I don't have to.

Yet, I'm still on the bottom. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong! Before I quit talking to my father, he said he believed the reason my mother isn't as close to me and doesn't treat me as equally as the other children is because I don't put myself at risk with drugs, and refuse to associate with people who do them.

Maybe he's right. That could be the answer to my every wondering questions, but you would think parents just want what's best for their children, I mean, I know I do with Ava, but I just can't fathom why on earth she treats me so horribly. Then again, I can. She's always so high out of her mind, and she's just like my older sister. They take after each other. My mother only wants to talk with you if you have something she wants. Like the other day I tried to call my mother and tell her what the doctor said, and the entire time she talked over me about her day.

She doesn't even care. The next day I tried to call her again and she had my little sister answer the phone for her. You could hear my mother in the back ground going 'Tell her I'm sick, just tell her I'm sick.' I just can't handle it anymore! I feel so guilty if I block her out of my life now, especially during the holiday season, but what else am I supposed to do? Just allow her to walk all over me like this? I always start feeling guilty about selfish thoughts during the holidays.

I know that I should just do what's best for myself and my family but goodness. I always make myself feel so bad about everything. Anyway, any advice would be great, and thanks for letting me get all of this out of my system.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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Re: Seasonal Feelings. - December 9th 2015, 09:25 PM

I'm really sorry you're struggling so much, especially around the holidays.

I don't want to talk too much about myself but I can relate. My biological extended family is extremely unhealthy and I have taken their rudeness for years. I have always had a questionable relationship with them, but a legal family secret came out. They did not support me and we both eventually disowned each other. That was probably the best thing I've ever done in regards to them. It is incredibly freeing to no longer have to deal with them.

I know you want to be able to go to your mom and I wish she was supportive of you. You mentioned she only talks to you when you have something she wants and she seems to cause more aggravation than anything. I know it can be hard to distance yourself from her, especially around the holidays, but you deserve to enjoy the holidays and if your mom causes more harm than good she doesn't need to be in your life. I understand you not being sure about cutting contact because she is your mother, but I think you will benefit from this in the end. A mother isn't a mother because she has children; she's a mother because she is supportive and caring toward her children and she isn't that way to you. I don't think she's earned that title. I do think it would help for you to have a mother figure whether that's someone in your family or a female counselor if counseling is an option.

If you decide to cut contact I think you should block her on social media or delete your accounts entirely so you can't see anything relating to her. It will be harder for you to work through her behavior toward you if you are still in any kind of contact or if you can see any of her accounts.

You're going through a lot and you do work very hard. I am proud of you and I hope you are proud of yourself too. You're juggling so much and that is quite admirable. Don't let your mother take your successes way from you. These are major successes and even if she isn't proud of you, other people are.

You're more than welcome to PM me if you ever want to talk.

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Calaer Offline
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Re: Seasonal Feelings. - December 10th 2015, 02:07 AM

Thank you so much for the kind words. You have no idea how much I needed that. I agree, maybe I shouldn't see it as pushing my mother out of my life, but pushing the negative out of my life. I've already blocked her from my social media accounts, and I plan on blocking her number from my phone.

Thank you again.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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