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How do I help her? - December 30th 2015, 10:21 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

(I'm not sure if I put this topic in the right place, sorry about that)
My friend at school is currently going through lots of things, this isn't related but we've been friends since last year and she actually moved and came back.
Anyways, I noticed that she often talked about killing herself. I asked her about it and she showed me cuts and scars on her wrist.I later figured out that she actually cuts both wrists. We didn't bring it up for a while.
It's been a couple months now and I'm still not sure about what to do...yes, we act like sisters and are pretty protective of each other, but I don't want to drag her to therapy, I don't want to ignore it, and I don't want to lose her. So I'm really confused...how should I help her?

Last edited by .:Bibliophile:.; December 31st 2015 at 02:06 AM. Reason: Adding a triggering prefix
   
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Re: How do I help her? - December 31st 2015, 12:15 AM

Hey,

Let her know that you are there for her and support her. You said that you were like sisters, and having that bond with someone means it is more likely that she will open up to you when she feels ready. So don't pressure her to tell you anything, but just let her know that if she ever wants to talk you are there for her. You could also try and hang out with her whenever you can, just so you can help take her mind off things. Definitely ask her how you can help her as well, what you can do when she is triggered and in other situations.

You don't have to drag her to therapy, that is never the way to get people to get help. But encourage her to talk to a therapist or psychologist. If she doesn't want to talk to you, or even if she does want to talk to you, the therapist could do a lot more help with supporting her. It also would help if she felt insecure talking to you, I know what its like talking to my best friend about certain topics and sometimes it just makes me feel like our relationship would be different. If that's the case for her, talking to a therapist would get rid of that awkwardness but it would also mean that if she wanted to talk to you she still could. Still be there for her though, she will definitely need your support.

She could also phone some hotlines if she doesn't want to talk face to face. Here are some hotlines that you could mention. Also encourage her to keep a journal or a diary so that way she can release any emotions in a safe way, instead of hurting herself. She could also do some exercise, creative writing, art, music, just as distractions from whenever she wants to self harm as well. Those are definitely safer alternatives.

I think the main thing you can do though, is just constantly remind her that people care about her, including you. You can't really psychically make her do anything, but what you can do is just let her know the options that are available and try and encourage her to do some of those distractions. If you just be the best friend you can be, you're doing the best you can and that will help.

I hope it goes well with her, and don't forget to look after yourself as well.


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Re: How do I help her? - December 31st 2015, 02:12 AM

Hey there,

I would suggest that you talk to her and ask her how you can help her. Does she need someone to talk to when she has an urge? I think, sometimes, people forget to ask the person struggling what would help them.

I would suggest that you encourage her to go to therapy. She might be open to the idea if you suggest it enough. I've been to therapy so there have been a few friends who I have suggested it too and I would just say things like "Therapy really helped me so maybe it could be helpful to you as well." She might be hesitant at first but the more you suggest it the less hesitant she might become. I know my dad's partner has been hesitant about therapy for a long time but they recently opened up to the idea and started going. They really like their therapist as well.

If you would feel comfortable you could suggest that they try out this site. I know that might be difficult but if you don't mind her knowing that you are here then suggest it and see what she thinks.

I want you to know that just by wanting to support her you are being a good friend. But, you can't really help her overcome this. You can definitely support her through this tough time but she has to be the one to help herself. It might take time for her to get there though.

If you ever want to talk feel free to message me.


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Re: How do I help her? - December 31st 2015, 07:47 AM

Hello

What you should do is to first talk to her and let her know that you'll always be around to support her. Ask her questions like " What's wrong? tell me. I'll never judge. " and remember to be as tender and as loving as possible when it comes to this. She's probably in a very sensitive /triggered mood at the moment, and the best way to overcome that and enable her to think positively again is the reminder that there's people out there ready to take care of her and support her. That's you, and the fact that you're making a post on here to support her means that you are willing to go the distance for her.. that's great

Perhaps its time you introduced her to this site, too. It'll help her to overcome her problems and give her another place to rant out her worries.

Also, you should try to get her to experience more distractions and fun stuff, as it'll help to remind her that while life provides its fair share of setbacks, it more than makes up for it by the sheer amount of positive experiences one is likely to experience. Bring her to more activities like hiking, surfing, concerts and other distractions in order to help improve her mood and help her forget the bad experiences or moments she'll most likely have encountered.

Give yourself a pat on the back.. you're a really good friend who is going all out to support another friend and that's a respectable act of compassion. You can count me in this! We'll help her out as much as we can! Update us on the stuff that happens!


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