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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MWF Offline
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My best friend is totally fake - January 10th 2016, 03:17 AM

So yeah, I just realized my best friend is totally fake. I thought going to college with her and living in her dorm would actually help our friendship develop, but no, thats foolishness. I had been going to a different school until I transferred, and I really thought we would be hanging out a lot. But she has been blowing me off constantly. I understood that she is regularly busy, and she's in a sorority, but she still has time to watch netflix and hang out with basically anyone else. I didn't really get it before watching her hang out with other people though. When she's with other people, she looks like she's having a ton of fun. Not with me, though... when we hang out, we talk about mostly serious things, which I thought was good, but she talks about the same things to all of her friends, then has a better time. I bumped into her while she was hanging out with her friend (in place of me, we were supposed to hang out) who she was just having a great time with, but she seemed genuinely unhappy to see me. I don't understand it, though... she knows she's my only friend here, she knows I'm socially awkward and probably won't find new friends, yet she won't hang out with me. She must be fake.
Sidenote: This is actually a double whammy. I thought I was in love with her (I always force myself to think that if I think I have a chance), and FUCK ME... I don't feel heartbroken, but I feel like theres just a hole in my heart in general. And I am not used to that...


Wish I lived in Canada. UPDATE, NOV. 9th, 2016: This statement has become even more appropriate.
I vow that I will attack this endeavor with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Jim Harbaugh

"Being an adult sucks. The only positives are weed, sex, and cars, and I have none of those right now." -Me

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hatred cannot drive out hatred; only love can do that." -Martin Luther King Jr.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My best friend is totally fake - January 10th 2016, 08:27 AM

Hello Robert!

If she's sorta treating you this way, then there's probably better friends for you out there. Everyone has their own experiences and their own issues, but the best of friends will support you and help you out in their own way unconditionally. If she isn't like that, then you're better off talking to other people.. and mixing around. But something tells me that you've a lot of qualities in you that others will appreciate. If she doesn't appreciate you, then that's too bad for her! Others who really appreciate you will know you for the kind and nice person that you are, and you deserve better than to be taken for granted and treated this way.

Get into more groups, and slowly learn to believe in yourself. There's no reason to doubt yourself because you've your own good qualities. It might be true that you feel that other people are better than you, but at the very same time, you've your advantages over plenty of those people.. be proud of yourself.

The people who appreciate you and like you for who you are will be happy to have fun with you, and will genuinely enjoy your presence. There's someone for everyone, and that holds true for you, too. Your true friends are out there, and the more people you get to meet, the higher the chances of you finding your true friends.

For the record, if you want someone to talk to or just need a friend, I'll be around. You can count on me!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My best friend is totally fake - January 12th 2016, 09:43 PM

Why does this mean she's fake? Let me present what she may be feeling; if she's your only friend, she might have been feeling smothered and it might stress her out when you are getting upset because she spends time with other friends apparently "more" than you and stuff like that; these might not even be the "same" friends. If she has an active social circle, she might hang out with X people one day, Y people another and Z people on a third (and yes, there might be overlap with some people coming to 2 or all of the things...) and then she might hang out with you on the 4th time, and in between she might take days off of socializing to do sorority stuff, homework, go to her job, or just take some personal time (whatever she does). Another thing, if she is extroverted, while you are introverted, and you see her having "tons of fun" with groups of people (it sounded pluralized), it might not be because she thinks your less fun, it might just be the kind of environment where she thrives and gets energized, while she feels more serious or mellow when she is with you. None of this at all means that she is fake, it just means that you depend on her a lot more than she depends on you, and if you've been feeling left out, hurt, etc. by this, she might feel pressured to tell a white lie to you and say she's doing something else instead of spending time with other friends in order not to to cause a problem. Heck, none of this even makes her a bad friend, much less fake.

That said, none of this changes what I am about to tell you; you need to expand your social circle. If you do, it won't matter os much when she spends time with other people or whatever. You can go ahead and hate on other people as much as you want, I'm just anticipating a possible "but I don't want other friends reply", because that's ok, even if you don't want other friends, it sounds like you need it. Making friends can be hard, it can make you feel insecure, it can be annoying and so on and so forth. But just do it. Maybe don't try to get other friends, maybe just try to socialize more at your new college, god knows that helped me and many others (even the socially awkward ones!). There are places for the socially awkward - for me, it was in a Harry Potter club, for others it's in math clubs, history clubs, on curling teams, in video game clubs, on LGBTQ+ groups and so on, colleges always seem to have an endless supply of groups you can join and to identify with. They hold events and meetings you can go to and, trust me, it makes a huge difference. Try it.




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Re: My best friend is totally fake - January 13th 2016, 12:51 PM

You should forget about her, she is totally bad! she is fake friend(
You also shouldn't be scared when you have conversations with others, and you must find new friends!!!
You can join a club, go to school, or go to church but you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. By the same token, you don't have to be involved with an organization to be social, and any time you talk to someone, you have a chance at making a lasting friend. You can talk to anybody: the clerk at the video store, the person sitting next to you on the bus, or the person in front of you in the lunch line. Don't be too picky. Most conversations will be a dead-end of sorts, when you may never talk to that person again, or you just remain acquaintances—but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.
   
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Re: My best friend is totally fake - January 16th 2016, 03:11 AM

Well, yeah, I gotta go out more. But I'm gonna worry about this less now... I saw that same friend of hers after a few days of not talking to her, and she hadn't talked to him in a few days either. He said she's just like that.
I shouldn't make a conflict out of this, I really freaked out. In fact, for someone who prides himself on being level-headed all the time, my reaction to this was alarming. But I can learn from it. Besides... I'm gonna be living with her this summer and school after that, along with three of her friends, all girls. So, I'll just collect myself and revel in the fact that I'll be a sausage in a donut shop for two years.
But she is dating a soon-to-be professional football player by the way, so... yeah, thats done for the time being.


Wish I lived in Canada. UPDATE, NOV. 9th, 2016: This statement has become even more appropriate.
I vow that I will attack this endeavor with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Jim Harbaugh

"Being an adult sucks. The only positives are weed, sex, and cars, and I have none of those right now." -Me

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hatred cannot drive out hatred; only love can do that." -Martin Luther King Jr.
   
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Re: My best friend is totally fake - January 16th 2016, 02:01 PM

I hope everything will work out and I am sorry if I sounded harsh before, I was only trying to present a possible alternative to hopefully help you with another perspective. I hope that takes my a step back will help you to clear your mind and feel better. I'm sure everything will work out for the best.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: My best friend is totally fake - January 16th 2016, 03:13 PM

Hey Robert,

I can understand why you're feeling like this. Your friend seems to be too busy to make any time for you. As hard as it might be, I think you need to try and branch out and meet some new people because she obviously isn't as good a friend as you thought she was. Are there any clubs or societies you can join, it could help you to meet other like minded people. Maybe you could try to get talking to some of the people on your course. I think it must be hard not knowing anyone but this one friend, but she clearly doesn't make time for you.

I think you are much better off forgetting about this friend and doing your own thing. She doesn't sound like she's really all that bothered about hanging out with you, so she isn't worth your time or energy.

I wish you the best of luck.
Paige


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My best friend is totally fake - January 16th 2016, 07:12 PM

Maybe this friend of yours is just easily distracted by whats going on at the moment, but the way she's been treating you isn't too good either. What i think should happen is that you should concentrate less on her, and think more about the other people you could meet. However, you'll be staying with her, then maybe it might be a chance to get her more personally and find out why she's behaving this way. Perhaps there's something .. or a part of her, a hurt part she might not want you to know about.

Most of all, be strong, and remember that if she takes you for granted for no reason, then she might not really be that good of a friend after all.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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