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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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atselzer Offline
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My dad has no respect for my privacy - January 20th 2016, 01:37 AM

My dad has no respect for privacy at all. When he wants to check on me, he will do 1 of 2 things.

A) He will barge in into my room without knocking.

B) slowly open the door so I can't hear him enter and begin to spy ob me.
Several times he has done this while I am naked changing or doing something personal that i would not want him to see. After he does one of theese things, he often turns the light off and closes the door prentending that he has left but really he is just standing by the door spying on me. Most of the time its obvious that he hasnt left the room so i ask him nicely to leave. Other times i dont realise he is spying on me. Just the other day he did this. I was watching a very personal video on male higene and he stood in my room listening for 5 minutes!
This is not it though. He also goes through all of my text messages, looks at my web history, and listens to phone calls between me and my girlfried. I have told him countless times to stop doing theese this but he says "maybe if you didnt do bad things then i wouldnt need to spy on you." But i literally do nothing against the rules! I don't do drugs or have sex or do anything sketchy. I have absolutely nothing to hide. He has been doing this for some time now and i am begginig to get a growing anger twards him. Sometimes I am hanging out with my girlfriend and i am afraid to have a private conversation because i am worried my dad might be somewhere spying on me. I no longer want to spend time with him or be around with him at all. I have talked to my therapist and he is clueless as to why my dad does this. I have also talked to my mom about this and she takes my side but my dad still will not listen. Any advice? Thanks.
   
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Re: My dad has no respect for my privacy - January 20th 2016, 08:12 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry you're going through that with your father. It can be difficult. Have you asked your father why he does those things?
Maybe if you could sit down with him, and maybe have your mom mediate between you two, you could talk with them both and see what is going on. See why he thinks he should spy on you instead of just asking you about your day.
If you've done nothing wrong and haven't had any problems with them previously nothing comes to mind as to why he would spy on you, or just barge into your room to see what you're doing.
Have you asked your mom to talk with him? Maybe she could ask him why he's doing those things and she could help you get to the bottom of it.


Revenge is a poison meant for others that we end up swallowing ourselves.
Vengeance is a dark light that blinds all who seek it.
The untroubled soul knows there is no justice in revenge.
The untroubled soul knows that to seek vengeance, is to seek destruction.
   
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Re: My dad has no respect for my privacy - January 21st 2016, 02:09 AM

Change your passwords, that might help. But like Ron said, trying to calmly talk to your dad about why he thinks he has need to spy, and letting him know why you don't think it's needed might go a long way. Perhaps you can write down a few things that you feel like would be more reasonable privacy boundaries - keeping in mind your desire to have privacy and his to spy and pry. If you can find a way to strike a middle ground, that might make a huge difference because it'll show that you respect your dad's wish to know what you're doing while still maintaining boundaries. He might not be willing to change though, which is why I suggest securing your devices with new passwords so that he can't keep prying.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: My dad has no respect for my privacy - January 23rd 2016, 12:22 AM

buy a new door knob with a lock on it. Parents can be really nosy. When I was a teenager, my mom snooped around my room all the time. I know how frustrating it can be. That being said, if you have anything in your room you don't want him to see, find a good hiding place for it. Also, regarding him listening in on the videos you watch - buy some earbuds. They're only about $10.
For him looking at your browsing history - clear out your browsing history after every time you get off your computer. If you have the ability to password protect your computer, I'd suggest you also do that.
As for your cell phone - keep you inbox and sent times deleted. After you respond to a text message, delete it. When the person responds to your text, reply and then delete. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I know that you probably don't want to hear this: be grateful that you have family members who actually give a shit about you. I know of a lot of people who grew up in broken homes where their parents didn't care about them, beat them, abuse them, etc. Instead of focusing on the things that irritate you about your family, focus on the good things and what you're grateful for.
   
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