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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My brothers (hopefully) Ex! - January 30th 2016, 07:50 PM

So about 4 years ago, my brother Austin started dating this girl, we shall call her 'A'. At first everything was fine. My brother is a really chill, and laid back guy. He's a totally geek, with a love for video games and comic books. Now A, she is really bubbly and hyper and screams instead of talking. She is super over emotional. Everything is a big deal with her, and Austin just isn't like that.

Now they got on for a while, but a few weeks ago they got in to an argument and two days ago, A came to me and invited me to the coffee shop since my favorite local band was playing. Of course I said yes! I was a bit early, and was watching the opening band, when A shows up with a totally different guy! (At this point Austin and 'A' hasn't talked about breaking up, but are just not talking for the past few days.)

A told me that she 'was a fan' of this guy she goes to school with, and how he 'has a huge crush on her' and she knew this before she invited him. (Totally not the right thing to do, and until this point, I didn't realize she wasn't talking to Austin.) She then persisted to talk about how my brother physically abuses her and spits on her, verbally abuses her, ect.

I know this isn't true. I've watched Whitney rip up and destroy my brother's art work, his clothes. I've personally watched her try and hit my brother with her car. I've watched her physically smack him and scream at him for WINNING A GAME. I'm not even joking. She will get angry at my brother if he wins a game and she doesn't. She is so destructive towards him.

I've tried really hard over the past four years to be friends with Whitney and while I want to be friends with her, and be supportive towards her, but how can I when she is being spiteful and trying to pit me against my brother?

I really need some advice on this. Thanks.


"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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Re: My brothers (hopefully) Ex! - January 30th 2016, 08:34 PM

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sounds like a difficult situation and I understand where you're coming from (my boyfriends sister has a really destructive girlfriend so I truly understand).

First of all, are you familiar with the signs of an abusive relationship? I had an abusive boyfriend before my current boyfriend and, speaking as someone whose "been there", it's not always easy to recognize it or accept it when it is happening to you. Your brother might not fully be aware about how destructive this relationship is. I think you should google abusive relationships and learn about them before what I am about to suggest (look up emotional, mental and physical). I don't want to pick out the articles for you because I want you to have the chance to get a wider pick.

Second, have you ever tried to talk to your brother? A lot of siblings have a lot of respect for each other, even when they don't express it, so if you tell your brother how you feel about the situation and that your worried about him because you've seen X, Y, and Z happening, then maybe he'll listen. It's true, he might get upset, but that's ok because maybe he'll go away and think about it and realize you're right and start working through it. Bearing in mind that he should probably end the relationship but he might choose to try to "fix things" first. Lots of people try to fix relationships, even though we all know it's doomed, instead of just leaving it, especially long-term relationships, you should just be aware of that, just in case. Also, don't feel like this "isn't any of your business", I've heard it from my boyfriend too when we talk about why he won't confront his sister, but this situation is one where I think you're totally in you're right to confront him because you've been forced to bear witness to behaviour that seems unfaithful and behaviours that are quite abusive sounding.




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