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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Are these people friends? - February 11th 2016, 05:56 AM

So in my group of friends we tend to roast each other a lot, like really a lot. Everyone jabs at each other from time to time, but it can get out of hand at times. For a while once they made these jokes that I really hated and made me super upset for a long time. Its stopped now though btw but it really got under my skin and they wouldn't stop when I told them to. But on the other hand, they do include me in activities and if I am really sad, they will actually try to help me feel better or show concern and have my back. So I wonder, are these friendships?
   
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Re: Are these people friends? - February 11th 2016, 06:56 AM

Hey,

They do sound like good friends based on your description, most friendship groups occasionally have those times when they pick on each other, me and my friends do it to each other all the time and we don't mean any harm by it. When you told them that you had a problem with it, they may have thought you were joking and thats why they continued. If you have a problem with what they say though, just leave the group for a bit until they have stopped and then come back. You can just try and avoid the roasting if you don't want to be involved in it, I'm sure they will understand that.

Because of them including you in activities, trying to make you feel better and having your back, thats what makes them seem like they are good friends. I know a lot of people who say they are friends with someone but don't care about their feelings or include them in anything, so I think they would be your friends seeing as they are the opposite of that.

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Re: Are these people friends? - February 11th 2016, 10:34 AM

They sound like typical teenage friends.

My group of friends did a similar thing in high school (albeit less severely), and *I* was usually the one who took it too far and accidentally said something mean.

But as we all grew up (I'm still friends with this group of people), we learned to communicate our feelings better. We each learned to say something if the teasing ever goes too far.

It sounds to me like your friends are real friends (e.g. they care about you), but they are also Teenagers. Being a teen is really difficult, so it's easy to accidentally take that out on friends (or family).

If I were you, I would try saying something. Just let them know when their teasing goes too far. You don't have to make a big deal about it, you could even say something casual like, "cool it, guys." No need to make it into a big thing. But I promise you if you start standing up for yourself, they can curb the teasing.

As someone who has often been the one to take teasing too far, let me just tell you that I STOPPED the instant I realized I was actually hurting people.

Use your words! That's my main advice. They most likely don't know they're hurting you.
   
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Re: Are these people friends? - February 24th 2016, 03:18 AM

Hey me and my friend do this a lot. She starts to sing the Little Einstein's theme song I put on a My Little Pony song. We both annoy each other. She started to mess up my hair. I tell her I know her home phone number. We both annoy each. I think your friendships are fine. It's normal for friends to annoy each other.
   
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Re: Are these people friends? - February 25th 2016, 09:43 PM

Hey there,

It sounds like they are probably your friends but they just might not have realized when they have crossed boundaries. For example, my friends and I give each other a hard time but there have been a few times when it was more extreme and someone got their feelings hurt. It took time but my friends slowly started realizing I was more sensitive and certain things bothered me more. The most important thing for you to do is make your boundaries clear and get on them if they don't respect them.

I think the fact that they include you and do what they can to make you feel better when you are upset indicates that they do care about you as a friend. I think, in high school especially, people push boundaries a bit more so as your friends get older you might find that this type of behavior decreases dramatically.

I think it's pretty normal for friends to 'roast' other friends. All the friendships I've witnessed in my life have consisted of this and so I don't think that's the issue. I think the issue is getting them to respect you when you tell them you are really upset by some of the jokes. It seems like they did, eventually, get the picture and stop though.


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