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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Stephe Offline
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All of my friends are changing - February 27th 2016, 10:30 PM

I am so fucking fed up with my friends changing. In 6th grade, which was 3 years ago, everything was great, we were all best friends, then something changed. We all used to be a close group of 6 or 7 people, then everyone but me started to turn on me. They started changing their hair, caring more about how they looked, and it seems like they fucking think that they are god damn kings! It drives me insane. I feel like all my friends are slipping into the teenage coma that they are so clearly oblivious of. I don't want to wait because by the time they do change, we will have graduated and hundreds of miles from each other. They have gone into this transformation that I hate!!! I want them to be my friends again so I don't feel lonely, but I know they are too far gone. This has been their transformation so far:

Changing their hair: Parted, like a football jock part, hair sticking up like Justin Biebers old hair cut, and adult cuts like pompadours.

Cutting me off- They barely ever talk to me, they treat me like I am not there. They always cheat in our past time, which I use to relieve stress, four square. They always cheat and when I do, they don't even try to say that I'm in, if anything they want to get me out of the game ASAP.

Being assholes- They tend to hang out with the more "popular kids" and not so much of the people like me who are innocent and nice.

The way they talk- The used to talk nice, sophisticated, and in a mature state, now they have stopped that. All of their sentences go "YEP, BOI" or "Swag man, sometimes "That's so gay haha", which hurts me since I am gay. I am too scared to do anything, I don't want to fully lose them, but I think I'll send one of them a text about this soon.

I don't know if it is me changing, or them. I tend to think much deeper than most people, and I realize when someone is trying to manipulate me, I won't let them. I have two close friends who think like me, who help me a lot.
   
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Re: All of my friends are changing - February 28th 2016, 12:46 AM

Hey,
Changing is a part of life, specially at your age, I believe 14 is just starting high school? Growing up and changing is what your friends are doing, they might just be trying to reach out and learn more and get into different things in life. Lots of people like different things as they grow up, you probably loved playing with toys as a kid that you don;t like playing with now, its kind of the same thing, its part of growing.

Its not easy to lose a friend or more, but a lot of the time entering high school its bound to happen. Friends go different ways, they grow, they meet new people. They take different paths in life, It is okay to do that.
I remember when I was 14 I lost friends, they started hanging out with other people, changing there lifestyle, wanting to do different things, because they thought it was cooler to do those things than things they thought were for "babies" as people would say if they thought they were to old for something they use to do. Which is okay, its going to happen.

Its confusing I know. Change is a big part of life, you will change too. Some people just change faster and grow up faster than others. They might learn to like different things, or want to be around other people. Its not something everyone likes, and its surely not something you can stop from happening.
Talk to them first, I am sure they will understand. Just remember that its nothing to do with your friendship, or you, personally. Its just a part of growing up. If nothing else, you will make new friends, and want to do different things, play other games, learn new things.

I hope that this helped a little if nothing else, just know you are not alone in this, this is part of being a young adult.


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Re: All of my friends are changing - February 28th 2016, 12:51 AM

Hey,

You can only control yourself, you can't control other people. If your friends want to change their hair style, their word choices, or if they want to increase the amount of people they hang out with, that's their choice. I know they've changed in regards to your friendships, but a person is so much more than their appearance or their word choices. They're the ones who have to like it since they're living with it and as long as they're happy and comfortable, that's what matters. People do change in good and bad ways, and as uncomfortable as it is, sometimes there's no way around it.

I do see where you're coming from about feeling like you're being cut off and that must feel tough. I like the idea of talking to your friends about it but I think you should do it in person instead of through text. Tone is so difficult to tell if you don't talk in person and you have a higher risk of taking something the wrong way and feeling more hurt than you felt before. I think you should talk in person, or write a note and give it to them, or write a note and have that as a guide so you know what you want to talk about. You can also consider seeing the school counselor for additional support.


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Stephe Offline
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Re: All of my friends are changing - February 28th 2016, 01:33 AM

Thanks for the advice
   
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Re: All of my friends are changing - March 5th 2016, 10:03 PM

Two-faaced people are basicly that part of your life. Mine stared changing in 5th grade. But the diference is they became popular and I was left out. And then came the forming of groups. Lovely time truly (note the sarcasm).

It was like they couldn't decide who was with who and it just became downright ugly. It became 2 groups in the end. The 'poplar' and the rest. And those who were in between sometimes.

I was in the not so popular group. But we had fun, most of the time. There were a lot of people making fun of me, especially the guys and one of my... well frenemies is the best word for it. It got to the point where a girl from another class asked me if I knew they talked behind my back.

Which I did.

So we're still friends, but we keep drifting apart and heck, my best friend now is a girl that kinda hated me for no reason at that time.

But they also all changed, I am still a girl that just couldn't care less about her looks or what was in or cool now.

Which became a problem in my first grade in High school. All posers and fakers there.

Made me fall a grade (besides other reasons).
So yeah, sometimes some friend drift apart, some were never really your friends some surprise you and some you get to keep.

But trough it all you have to belive in yourself and show the world you don't care what it trows at you because you can take it on.

And If you can't pretend you can, or it will eat you alive.

Try to find someone you can trust and stick to them.
Don't change for someone else. You are you and you should be happy that you are the way you are. And I'm sure that at least one of them is just someone who couldn't take on the pressure and changed to fit in.

Besides, even If you don't keep them, a new part of your life is beginning soon and maybe there you can find true friends there.

Or you can talk to people here, on the internet.
It's funny that way, how sometimes total strangers care more.
But we do, so if you need advice or just someone to talk to, we'll always be here
   
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