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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Calaer Offline
I have the Millennium Puzzle
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Name: Calaer
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Added Stress. - April 16th 2016, 07:15 PM

So, to make a long story short, I feel as though Jordan and I are at odds with each other all the time.

My brother recently moved in with us, pending trouble at home. (He is my older brother.) He has no job, and has only applied for one since he has been here. (He has been here almost a month now.) I'm stressed, because he doesn't mind using our things up, but doesn't take in consideration that he may need to help us in return.

He never cleans up after himself, and all he does all day is sit around and complain about Ava wanting to run around and play. Now before anyone says to have a talk with him and/or Jordan about it, I have. We've been over it, more than once, and still no change.

That being said, I've been super stressed lately, and it doesn't help that Jordan seems to see it as a 'party' night every night than a normal night with the family. I'll give you an example of what I mean. Last night, I went to bed at around 11. We had a long day after having Ava's Birthday yesterday that by the time we came home, we were all ready for bed, or so I thought.

Ava woke up at 2:30am crying her eyes out saying over the monitor that it was too loud. I had no idea what could have been too loud other than maybe someone taking a shower. (There is a bathroom right next to her room.)

I heard Jordan walk in and try to console her, and nothing was working, she wanted me, so when I got up, grabbed my robe, and walked out of my room, you could imagine my surprise when my house was full of people. Six people were there, and when I went to sleep there were only two. Not only that, but they were listening to music, smoking in my house, drinking beer, and all talking over each other.

I was livid. Jordan had work the next morning, and I was ready for bed, and they were not only disrespecting my rules (that they all know very well) but they were waking up Ava, knowing she needed sleep. When I talked to Jordan about it, he said he just wanted to hangout with people.

I finally got Ava back to sleep, and made everyone leave. Jordan came to bed and things were peaceful for the rest of the night. This morning Jordan seemed to be in a good mood. He left for work and everything was fine, then a few hours later, he called Sam (my brother) and asked him to gather some things for him that he left at the house. (D&D things, so nothing really important.) He had told Sam to ask me if I would bring it to him, but Jordan has the only car we own, and I was confused as to how I was supposed to get it to him.

I called him back, and asked him about it, and his response was that I was supposed to call my other brother Eric, ask him to drive to my house, even though he doesn't have a license, then ask him to drive me to Jordan to bring him this stuff. I told Jordan I didn't think that was very thoughtful of us to ask Eric to put himself at risk like that, and then Jordan instantly got angry, and said he was 'fucking sorry that he asked for one favor.'

Jordan normally isn't this angry, nor does he normally lash out like this, but he has been doing this since Sam started staying with us. Clearly, both of us are under some added stress, but I'm not really sure how to address the situation, nor do I know how to resolve it. Jordan and I barely have time for each other these days, between him working and then wanting to do nothing but hangout with Tyler, and then me having to keep the house clean, and take care of Ava.

I am, however, afraid that if we don't a solution to this, Jordan and I will only continue to be at odds, and things will be miserable around the house. I really don't want things to get worse, but at the same time, I don't know what to do. I just feel so stuck.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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cynefin Offline
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Re: Added Stress. - April 17th 2016, 05:07 AM

This sounds incredibly stressful. I can imagine your surprise when you found all of those people in your house.

I find it unfair that your brother complains about Ava wanting to run around and play, given the fact that he is in your house and Ava is in her own home. Ava should be able to do as she pleases in her home without being complained about. I know you said you've talked to Jordan and Sam, and there hasn't been a change. I think you might benefit if you become stern with Sam. Maybe you can tell him that you know he's struggling, but he's a guest in your house and he needs to continue applying for work if he wants to stay. I know that kicking him out would be rough, but I feel like that might be the way to get him to start taking some responsibility. You could even give him a date for applying, and for getting a job, and tell him that he will no longer be welcome in your home if he doesn't try to find work.

I think Jordan saying he was, 'sorry for asking for one fucking favor' was manipulative and I think he was trying to guilt trip you into feeling sorry for him. From what you've written it seems like it is hard to find time to spend with Jordan, but maybe you can plan something. It doesn't have to be big, but some time to yourselves for a while might be nice. Maybe Sam can watch Ava if you are comfortable with that, so the two of you can go out to dinner. Or you can see if Sam is interested in going out for a while, so you and Jordan can pop some popcorn and watch a movie after Ava goes to sleep.

I really hope you're able to work something out.

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Calaer Offline
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Re: Added Stress. - April 18th 2016, 04:01 PM

Thank you. I'll try and work something out for this week.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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