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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Dad... - April 24th 2016, 12:23 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, my dad has been giving me an extremely hard time lately, about getting a job. I've been busting my ass off trying to find one, yet he still thinks I'm not trying hard enough. The other day set me over the edge.

I do not have a car because my car has gone to shit and it's going to cost a lot to fix. So, my parents were talking about a security guard job a few towns over. I asked them, in a normal voice, how I would get there and get the job without a car. My dad started screaming and yelling that I've been making excuses so I couldn't get a job. Wtf?

I've been trying my hardest to get a job, I've been pounding the pavement, going to all of the stores and handing them my resume, following up with the stores, and have even had a few interviews that I got turned down at. You'd think that he would see that I have been trying my hardest to get a job.

UGH! I hate my life. This whole situation makes me want to break my three month self harm free streak. I am fighting the urges, as hard as possible.


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Re: Dad... - April 24th 2016, 01:54 AM

Hey there,

This would be difficult to deal with but I don't think you can change your fathers reaction. The best thing you can do is figure out ways to cope with his behavior.

The fact is that you know that you are trying to get a job and you know you are putting in a lot of effort and that should be all that matters. If your dad doesn't think you are putting in enough effort than that is his issue to deal with and not yours.


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Re: Dad... - April 26th 2016, 04:57 AM

I agree with what's been said. You can't control your father and if he doesn't think you're putting enough effort into finding employment, then that's on him. From what you've written I can tell you're putting plenty of effort into getting a job and I do hope you're able to find one soon.

Keep fighting those self-harm urges. You can do it. What have you been doing to avoid self-harming? Continue using your favorite distractions, but look for some new ones, too. Have you thought about writing a letter to your dad to express your feelings, and then finding a way to destroy it so you don't read over it again? That could help.


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Re: Dad... - April 26th 2016, 11:35 AM

Your experience isn't uncommon, sadly, because many of our parents just don't seem to have any idea what it's really like for people our age. My parents also acted like I was obviously doing nothing and not trying hard enough. They'd get mad if they thought I didn't apply to enough jobs because they didn't understand how much time it takes to apply to just 1 job and they didn't understand why I wasn't willing to commute 45+ minutes one way to a different city for just any ol' random job and they didn't understand why I wasn't applying to jobs that required 5+ years experience because I was obviously under qualified and my life didn't revolve around resumes and I don't believe my time should be wasted on hopeless resumes/covers, they didn't understand I was trying, they didn't understand that even if I threw myself as legit whoever like some kind of resume whore that it wouldn't get me hired because so many companies hire for fit as well as skill so having 0 standards would make it suuuuuper obvious that I just didn't give a fuck about the job.

The list runs on. I tell you this because I don't want you to feel alone.

What helped me was to clearly tell my mom (the worst aggressor of my parents) exactly what I was doing. I didn't do it when she was in some mood about it, I waited to bring it up another time. I thought it should be obvious I was trying but I think that some parents just seriously do not get it even if they're generally smart observant people. Clearly telling my mom that I spent a few hours every day looking job boards such as indeed, minicipal job boards, university job boards, and tech job boards and that my goal was to apply to at least 2 field related jobs a week because that's legit all I could find in my skill level at the time (I was able to get 4-5 a few months later when more jobs went up). I clearly explained I was volunteering to develop my skills and trying to network (because knowing people is a biiiiig deal) and so on. Telling her how hard it was and using examples of friends who also struggled helped a lot. She was still occasionally a little passive aggressive after that and I got sick of her asking me every time she phoned if I had applied to more jobs, but for me it really helped to clearly explain things and explain my actions at a point when I wasn't ready to scream at her for her passive aggressive actions.

The reality is that a lot of people our parents age will try to help us. They don't understand how hard things are for people our age because more people have higher education than ever before and baby boomers aren't retiring quick enough because *money* so there aren't as many jobs opening up in skilled areas when compared to the number of people qualified for them. I also think the recovering economy doesn't help. Like yes older people get laid off too and that sucks especially if they have kids, a mortgage etc, but that's different because they've already had their first break, they've for kids to offer whereas we haven't had our first big job and have less on our resume.

Summary: talk to him.




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Re: Dad... - April 28th 2016, 04:42 PM

What I know about your dad confirms my thoughts : He's pushy and doesn't listen to what you say or take whatever you do into account. Best to just ignore his remarks: and not let him discourage you. You know that you're making an effort and that's what matters.

Keep trying and talking to companies, and they'll definitely see your commitment and desire to work soon : Any company would be lucky to have you in their workforce!


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Re: Dad... - April 28th 2016, 05:45 PM

Thanks for you kind replies

I have been ignoring what he says negatively about me, and I didn't self harm myself - thank goodness.

Also, you should know, pretty sure I landed a job!


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Re: Dad... - April 29th 2016, 04:32 AM

I'm glad to hear you haven't harmed yourself. I know it can be difficult sometimes, but I'm proud of you for fighting this! And I'm really happy to hear about your job. Congrats!


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Re: Dad... - April 29th 2016, 05:18 AM

Your dad sounds exactly like mine, nothing's ever good enough, if you don't have a job you need one and when you find one, it should be a better one etc. it helps that he lives across the country from me so he's easier to ignore. Especially after losing grad school/dream career left me completely crushed and basically collapsed my life, I was hoping he'd be a little more understanding, it's hard for him, but he did try after my mom told him that I didn't want to talk to him because he was making me feel worse than I already did. I FINALLY (after 13 months) found one, at least temporarily, and let him know in a quick message.

Your best is all you can do, you can't change him, don't let him lead you harm yourself. You WILL eventually find something.


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