TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Arron Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Arron's Avatar
 
Name: Arron
Gender: unimportant
Location: a cold place

Posts: 6
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: May 18th 2016

Question Am I a Bad Friend? - May 18th 2016, 05:07 AM

One of my friends, let's call her Ashley, is very emotional. She has anxiety and is doing her best to cope with her parents, who are against her getting medication to help her overcome it and with school difficulties but it's becoming stressful for me as well. I only have three friends including her and neither of the others really want to talk about this stuff.

Ashley has run into my classes crying and literally dragged me out and if I try to go home earlier than her on the train because I have obligations she starts crying and yelling at me that there's "A scheduled". I asked her what that meant and she just sort of said it was none of my business even though it directly effects my life because if I do anything like Get sick or go home early she cries in the middle of the train station and I feel bad for being an insensitive jerk.

She refuses to have a mature conversation and she treats me like a therapist and an emotional crutch, she provides no support for me, she's rude to one of my only other friends so much so that they actually had a fight over the summer while I was on a trip and now she's dragging me into her relationship drama because she keeps shadowing me at lunch instead of talking to her girlfriend, who I find to be a relatively abrasive person, instead of understanding that maybe if she spent time with her they would have a better relationship. I have no access to personal space when I'm around her and I understand that anxiety makes people clingy and worried that people are going to abandon them but she runs through hallways crying if I wont spend lunch hour with her. I am prepared to make sacrifices for friendship but this feels like too much.

Am I selfish for wanting her to take a bit of care of me too, or even just rely on me less? Am I a bad friend for wanting someone who is already emotionally hurt to help me too?

Last edited by Spoons; May 19th 2016 at 01:59 AM. Reason: Merging two posts - a thread should only be posted once in the most appropriate forum. :)
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
06.10

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 10,123
Blog Entries: 1596
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - May 18th 2016, 05:35 AM

You're not a bad friend at all. A friendship should ideally go two ways, but I can understand how it's different when you're friends with someone who has anxiety. It's not bad for you to want her to rely on you less, or take care of you. That's natural.

I am glad you're supporting your friend but you have to make sure you're taking care of yourself, too. You can't help others if you're not taking care of yourself as well. Attachment is common for someone struggling with anxiety, but it is unhealthy. I suggest speaking to your friend about boundaries you'd like her to respect and let her know that boundaries will help her learn to cope with her anxiety on her own (because someone won't always be there). Maybe you can do some research on coping skills and suggest some to her.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016
12.04.19

They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
HardcoreTS Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
HardcoreTS's Avatar
 
Age: 16

Posts: 2
Join Date: May 17th 2016

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - May 18th 2016, 12:07 PM

By no means are you a bad friend. My brother has the same problems and he USED to act that way before he got medication. He has the social disorder ASPERGERS which gives him a hard time. I believe you need to talk to your parents and maybe get them to talk to her parents about it.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Fallingforyou Offline
#radpenguin
Average Joe
***
 
Fallingforyou's Avatar
 
Name: Leonie
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: Behind you

Posts: 127
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: April 17th 2016

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - May 18th 2016, 11:02 PM

I don't think you're a bad friend at all because you have already made a lot of sacrifices for this friendship, but you can't be expected to take care of Ashley at all times. Friends with mental health issues do require more attention than others and they sometimes do things that may seem rude without it being their intention to hurt you. However, you as a friend are no replacement for a therapist and that's why it's okay to feel overwhelmed with the responsibility. She won't be able to overcome her anxiety by constantly depending on you, but she's probably scared to let go because she doesn't seem to have a lot of other people to support her.

Do you know if Ashley has gone to see a therapist before? A therapist would most definitely be able to prescribe medication to help with the anxiety and he might be able to explain the situation to her parents in a way that makes them understand her to some extent.

I hope this helps and please don't feel bad for keeping your own needs in mind
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Elision Offline
Formerly Pan221
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Elision's Avatar
 
Gender: Female (She/Her)
Location: Never Never Land

Posts: 399
Blog Entries: 7
Join Date: April 9th 2016

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - May 19th 2016, 07:36 AM

You certainly aren't a bad friend, you're trying hard to help her out. She needs to accept that and not use you as an emotional crutch, it isn't really fair.

Try communicating to her how you feel, and she may see your side and ease off a bit. I would also recommend talking to someone at school, a teacher or counsellor, and just letting them know she is experiencing problems.

Best of luck!


I am inimitable, I am an original

If you cannot reach me to fly, teach me to sing
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Arron Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Arron's Avatar
 
Name: Arron
Gender: unimportant
Location: a cold place

Posts: 6
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: May 18th 2016

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - May 20th 2016, 04:01 PM

Thanks for the replies.
I don't want to lose her as a friend but any attempt to create boundaries makes her mad at me. She's never happy for me when things are going well for me and if I'm excited about something, say, a good mark on a test, she makes me feel guilty for being excited because she makes me feel like I'm bragging just to make her feel bad.

She also hates one of my other friends and whenever I make plans with the other friend she acts like shes "fine" with it but in that way that says "You better not do that." I don't know if I can keep doing this. Her girlfriend already hates me and so do her gf's friends and If I upset "Ashley" people are going to think I'm a shitty person.

I don't want to lose the friends I have and make it harder to make friends with anyone else. Thank you all so much for the support, I feel a lot better t know that there are people who are supportive of this mess.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
06.10

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 10,123
Blog Entries: 1596
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - May 20th 2016, 04:36 PM

I can see how making boundaries can make her upset, because her anxiety probably has her over analyzing it and getting more anxious about it. You have to put yourself first, though. Do you think you can talk to a school counselor or someone you trust about this to get support? A school counselor or someone at school can probably have a meeting with the two of you separately and together and work as a mediator.

Would you consider stepping away from your friend for a few days? It could be a trial run of sorts, so you can see how it makes you feel. And if you feel better about things, you can consider ending your friendship with Ashley. I know you don't want to lose her as a friend, but it might help to start making boundaries on your own (like stepping back a little) as opposed to telling her about them. It's unfortunate that your attempt to make boundaries upsets her, but it can be a learning experience on how to cope with her anxiety in a healthy way.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016
12.04.19

They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Arron Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Arron's Avatar
 
Name: Arron
Gender: unimportant
Location: a cold place

Posts: 6
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: May 18th 2016

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - May 20th 2016, 05:08 PM

I don't trust the school councilors, they've let me down before and they don't respect the boundaries of the student and try to make them talk about stuff they aren't comfortable sharing and if someone is upset they make them come into the councilors office even if that person says that they don't want to go. I can't step away from her because she refuses to leave me alone, I've told her I need space and not to follow me but she does it anyway. She walks me to classes even though I've said it was completely unnecessary. She has been suspended for dragging me out of classes and she still wont give me space.

I don't want to lose her as a friend but honestly I feel so stressed when she is around and so annoyed. I hate being around her but she refuses to leave me alone and runs out of class to cry in the halls if I ask her to be quiet while I'm trying to work. I can't keep doing this but I feel bad because I'm one of her only friends and she hates being alone. How do I tell her to leave me alone without hurting her?
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
06.10

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 10,123
Blog Entries: 1596
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - May 22nd 2016, 05:14 PM

Being stressed and annoyed in her presence is a sign that your friendship is becoming a little unhealthy. I don't know if there's any way to ask for some space without hurting her feelings, however, you can try I statements so you don't sound accusatory. An I statement goes something like, "I feel [insert feeling] when you [insert action]." You could say, "I feel stressed out when you do not give me enough space." Saying that might make things seem softer as opposed to saying, "You make me feel..." Maybe after that you can ask her if she can help you feel less stressed by giving you a little more space, and you can provide examples as well so she knows what you need (or don't need) from her.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016
12.04.19

They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Arron Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Arron's Avatar
 
Name: Arron
Gender: unimportant
Location: a cold place

Posts: 6
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: May 18th 2016

Re: Am I a Bad Friend? - June 5th 2016, 06:30 PM

Thanks. I'll try my best.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
asaphelp, bad, emotional problems, friend, friends, friendship, help asap, please answer, please help, please help asap, stressed out

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2020, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.