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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Lexi23 Offline
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Post Are my friends good friends? - June 7th 2016, 09:44 PM

I have 4 really good friends (or so I think...)
Their problem is that I almost always get better grades than they do. I'm not a nerd but I try to get as good grades as possible to have a bigger chance to a scholarship. If I get an B and they get a C, they get really angry at me if I start complaining about the mostly stupid mistakes I've made. I feel like I can't talk to them about school anymore.
I understand that they might not be happy, but if they're cool with a C and I try to get a A or B, that's their choice, right? Or am I the bad guy here?
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Re: Are my friends good friends? - June 8th 2016, 06:51 AM

Hello there,

You are by no means the bad guy here. You're right that it's your friends' choice as to what kind of grade they want to end up getting. You're not responsible for that; they are. Grades should not be a factor to consider whether or not a true friendship exists. Maybe your friends are doing their best in school, but it's just hard for them because they aren't as quick learners and the information that they are learning takes more time to process in their brain. It could also be that maybe some of your friends are going through hardships right now. Hence, it is why they aren't getting as good grades as they should.

You should consider talking to them about how come they are earning the grades that they do, and ask them if they're planning on doing better. Maybe since you complain about the stupid mistakes you make with the grades you end up with in your classes, it upsets your friends because you are doing better than them, and it makes them feel bad about what they received. It's not so much that you can't talk to them about school, but more like be wise with your choice of words and what you choose to talk to them about. Maybe you can offer to tutor some of your friends if they are struggling with a class that you happen to be an expert in. Something to consider.

I wish you all the best with your situation.

“The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.” - Gary Vaynerchuk

Last edited by CrusadingAvenger; June 8th 2016 at 06:52 AM. Reason: Incomplete Response
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Re: Are my friends good friends? - June 8th 2016, 12:26 PM

Honestly, I understand them not liking it. I used to hate when people complained to me about getting a B or an A- or something while I got a lower grade. If this is the only reason you think they may not be good friends then I would just avoid complaining about grades.

"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
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Re: Are my friends good friends? - June 9th 2016, 06:35 PM

I don't think you're the bad guy. It's not that simple. But if you know they aren't doing as well as you, it might seem insensitive if you're complaining to them about how your grade could have been better. They're probably really not ok with their not so grest grades even if they say they are and it probably just highlights that when you, who is doing better, complain.

You should be able to talk to them about it but I think you should think about how you complain. Like try not to say things that sound entitled ("oh I should have done better") or complain about small things you did wrong. If it comes up, you could try saying "I got a B, which is ok, but I could have done some things better so I'm just going to remember that for the future". That way you still get to bring it up but you're not carrying on because you're being constructive. You cold also talk to different friends who aren't feeling so sensitive about their academic success if you need to blow off steam.

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Re: Are my friends good friends? - June 20th 2016, 04:26 AM

You aren't the bad guy here. You worked hard to get your grades, didn't you? If they give you a hard time, suggest they study harder or help them on the next test. Don't forget that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. You might be good in math and bad at reading, and your friend could be vice versa. Not to mention that everyone has a different skill level. Not everyone can do calculus and get in the honors classes, but that's okay! As long as you work hard and try your very best, that's all you can do. Maybe your friends just can't make that A. Personally, I don't like bringing up grades with my friends. You don't *always* have to tell them what you got. If they keep giving you a problem, then tell them you aren't just going to fail to make them feel better and that you're just trying to have a good chance at a nice career. If they can't understand that, then I wouldn't think they're very good friends.
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Re: Are my friends good friends? - June 30th 2016, 06:30 AM

It seems like they are just jealous of you, which is normal. But too much of jealousy, could also mean that they are not your true friends. Sorry to say but, that's what I think.
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Re: Are my friends good friends? - June 30th 2016, 02:24 PM

I have no the best friends!
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Re: Are my friends good friends? - June 30th 2016, 06:46 PM

Hey Darling, I know how that feels I am the same! I do get good grades but when my friends get lower i used to kind of feel like the bad guy. But in no way are you the bad guy. If they are bringing you down then they are the bad ones. If you follow what they want to do and you don't get a scholarship. They won't be sitting next to you with the college fund saying here you go I can fund your tuition! You know what you want to do in life and you how to make it happen! So you do that because they don't! In ten years they won't even be next to you! They make their choices, you make yours! Don't let anyone bring you down!!
Because you have a plan and a purpose! Don't let anyone try and take it away rom you!!

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