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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Archerygirl Offline
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Question Should I forgive an old friend? - June 11th 2016, 06:13 AM

I had a friend that's a grade older than me, and I can't remember when we became friends but it could have been as early as kindergarten. Our neighborhoods were right next to each other and we never knew it. This sounds like the beginning of a teenage love story like in the movies. Right? Well than life decided that it would never happen. We were friends for most of elementary but when I went into 4th grade he started attending middle school. For about 2 years we didn't really acknowledge each other, but then I joined my school's archery team that he was on. Meanwhile in his life, his parents got divorced, he moved away, somehow was taken away from his parent that had custody over him, and moved in with his aunt. After I joined the team we quickly become friends again and he developed a crush on me that would last for a half a year. After a successful season we qualified for Nationals that was in another state. Except I didn't qualify and he did. Each team can bring 24 archers, and I was 25th. He was 24th, and I was devastated about it. I told him about it and suddenly a few days later he dropped off the team. People said it was because his mom wouldn't let him go even though his aunt had custody over him. I don't know if he dropped off the team for me but if he did I never got to say thank you. I went to Nationals and the thought that he might have given it up for me, never crossed my mind. We didn't see each other over the summer and when school started he wasn't the same person. Maybe he really realized that his life was crap and decided to take it out on everything, everyone, and himself. He was very angry, depressed, and more immature than he had been in 4th grade. Then he disappeared for 2 weeks and when he came back there were rumors that he tried to kill his mom. I didn't know what to believe, I didn't even know if I could believe his word. Every year there is a mini dance marathon and you have to attend. I talked to him a little bit during it and he said something that seems simple and meaningless, but it hurt so much I can't tell anyone what he said, not even on here. But little did I know that would be the last time I ever spoke to him. Afterwards we were leaving the gym, and I looked over at him. At the same time a bunch of stuff fell out of his pocket, including a lighter. I remember the moment perfectly, it fell out of his pocket, he walked for a few steps, we both looked at it, we looked up, made eye contact, he grabbed it, and ran away into the crowd. A few days later he was taken away to juvie, and I haven't seen him since. When he comes back I just don't know if I can be friends(maybe more) with him. I just want opinions on this, I don't know what to do.
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BayernManiac3 Offline
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Re: Should I forgive an old friend? - June 11th 2016, 06:19 AM

Personally, someone with all these problems at such a young age should not be someone you are looking to date until all his problems are sorted out. Once that happens then maybe. But when he gets back, be pleasant but keep your distance until you see that he has improved.
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Re: Should I forgive an old friend? - June 14th 2016, 12:36 AM

Hey there,

It sounds like this has been a complicated friendship, so it's understandable that you wouldn't be sure how to proceed from here. There are a few things you need to consider if you're going to make an informed decision on whether you want to try to befriend this person again.

First of all, if you do become friends again, will you be able to forgive him for what he said, and for how he acted? If you go into it expecting an apology, or hoping for things to be the way they were before, or still carrying resentment over what happened previously, you're likely setting yourself up for disappointment. However, if you do think you can forgive him, or at the very least overlook the way he acted in light of the kind of friend he's been, then it might not be such a bad idea.

Second, are you able to separate your life from his problems? What I mean is, do you think that if he comes into the friendship with "baggage", you'll be able to be friends with him while not letting his issues become yours? Friends are meant to help each other, of course, but if you feel like you're going to take on too much responsibility (trying to "save" him, for example), then it might not be in your best interests to befriend him again.

Finally, are you in compatible places at the moment? It sounds like you two had very different lifestyles, which may not lend themselves easily to a friendship. If you want to make friends with him because you used to be friends, it might be good to consider how much he's changed, and whether you're both in places where it would make sense to be friends. It's possible that you're in two different stages of your lives, in which case there might not be much foundation for a friendship at this point. Given the way you left things off with him, I wouldn't recommend looking for something more than friendship with him, at least until you figure out where you both stand and whether you can be friends.

Ultimately it's up to you as to whether you decide to be friends with him, but remember that if you do decide to try it, you don't have to become as close as you were before, especially not right away. You can test the waters a bit and see if it's going to be worthwhile, and if not, you're more than welcome to walk away for the moment.

I hope this helped a bit, and I wish you all the best!

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forgive, friend

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