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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Melancholia. Offline
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Feeling abandoned. - February 3rd 2017, 03:03 PM

Next semester is my last semester of college. We also will have to move out of our dorm rooms after this semester and pick a new one with new roommates to live at next semester.

This semester I live with R and S, and last semester I lived with P, R, and S. We also have friends C, J, and B who will factor into this story. Sorry about the abbreviations. I just don't want to give away their names.

One of my former roommates from last semester, P, is living with another roommate, C, this semester. She moved out of my dorm room because she had issues with one of our other roommates, S.

I thought I'd be able to move in with P and C this semester, but it's not actually possible. C needs to have a disability accommodated room because she needs a bed shaker to wake her up in a fire emergency due to her hearing aids Only certain rooms have this. P can share the room with her. But, the other bedroom area in that dorm room would need to stay open due to it being accessible for those with physical disabilities.

I would live with R next semester, but she is thinking about transferring to a different school or becoming an RA, and either of those options would mean I can't live with her.

So I asked B if she'd need a new roommate for next semester and she said she's not sure and is asking her current roommates. But I do NOT want to live with one of her current roommates. She's just not really my type of person and I would not get along with her at all and wouldn't feel comfortable with living there.

Our other friend S is planning on living with J. With the layout of the building they want to live in though, four people would be sharing a single bedroom, which I'm not too fond of but I guess I would in a pinch. I also don't really know J that well and I don't know if I'd actually like living with her.

So I'm feeling really abandoned and might be living with all random roommates next semester, which is something that I am really scared about because my two other experiences with random roommates went TERRIBLY.

Thoughts?

If it doesn't make sense with all of the abbreviations I can clarify further, too.


Let it come and let it be...

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Re: Feeling abandoned. - February 4th 2017, 01:16 AM

It makes sense, I understood all the abbreviations.

I'm not currently in college, and when I do go, I am planning to commute as opposed to living on campus. So my advice may not be super helpful; I hope someone else with more experience than me can help!

But it seems to me like living with P and C is off the table. That would leave R, B, S, and J. It seems like B and R are currently unsure so those options are still up in the air and potentially available. Maybe you can ask both of them to let you know when they've made a decision so you can figure out your living arrangements?

Since your other friends are unsure I think it would help to consider how you feel about living with S, despite not knowing whether or not you'd like living with J. Would you rather live with S even though you risk not liking J, or would you rather live with random roommates? There is also the chance that you'll grow fond of J and you won't mind living with her.

I hope you're able to figure something out.


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Re: Feeling abandoned. - February 4th 2017, 01:26 AM

Hey Dez,
First of all I am really sorry that you are feeling this way. I know how much it sucks when you feel abandoned.
I honestly don't know how dorms work since I do not live in a dorm. I honestly though dorm rooms only had room for two people.

Do you have any other friends in college that are going to be there next semester and are either in the dorms or are going to be in the dorms and doesn't have a roommate for next semester, maybe you could ask them if you could be their roommate.

My other suggestion is that maybe you could get a group of friends and rent a place for next semester. That way you guys could share the rent and you will have roommates you like. I know this is really hard to do but it might solve your problem.

I really hope that this is some type of help.

Your Friend,
Frankie.



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Re: Feeling abandoned. - February 4th 2017, 06:20 PM

Living in the dorms myself, I understand the stress that you're feeling right now. While I am lucky to be able to room with my friend who is an RA, having that disrupted by the fact that you can't room with that person must be really frustrating. I too am kind of in that situation because my current roommate is applying for RA again and might get placed in a dorm where I can't be her roommate, which would really mess things up for me. But you have a few choices. Overall though, you have to weigh the pros and cons of each.

You can puruse the option of living with B and R, and while it might be a little weird living with J, I think the fact that you'd already be living with current friends would help it a bit. You're right that you don't know living with J will go, but I feel like with communication and working on both of your parts you can make it work. When you're roommates with people you don't have to be great friends. You can make it work with mutual respect for each other.

You also have that option of going random. I feel like this is a tricky one especially since you've already had some pretty bad experiences going random. It's a choice, and you never know you might get someone who is really kind and make a great friend through the experience. If you choose to go this route just make sure that you communicate with this person and respect them, while looking out for you too. Of course all of that is dependent on how they act as well though.

I hope this was a least a little helpful and I hope that you find out a good living arrangement soon! Keep us updated!


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