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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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epaw0731 Offline
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Unhappy Abusive Friend - March 22nd 2017, 02:01 AM

So i have this friend that is what i guess you could say is my best friend. The big thing here though is she is abusive. I get slapped, punched,kicked,scratched, and one time she threatened to bite me.I have been slapped so hard once it left a red mark on my thigh and she threatens to slap me every day if she hasnt already done it.I have told her multiple time to stop and i have not giggled or laughed ether.I feel like she is just not getting the point and to be honest it is really starting to tear our friendship apart. I am so close to yelling and i know i should end the friend ship but i dont know how. She sits next to me in one of my classes and i cant move, we have a 12 hour long field trip and she wants to sit next to me... I just dont know how to end this nightmare ... PLEASE HELP!
   
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Re: Abusive Friend - March 22nd 2017, 04:28 AM

Hey there.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of this, I had a similar experience when I was in middle school with a friend of mine. Friendships can already be stressful without all of this on top of it, but from what you're saying, it doesn't sound like she's a true friend to you. Relationships have to be built around trust and understanding, not fear or intimidation (which is what it sounds like she's using against you). You mentioned that you've asked her to stop harming you but she hasn't listened; have you told anyone else what's going on? I know that telling someone that this is happening is scary, and it might make her angry, but your safety and well being is worth it.

If there is anything that I can help you with, please let me know.

- Erin


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you're not too far
lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
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Re: Abusive Friend - March 22nd 2017, 10:40 AM

I think everything can be solved by talking to each other. Try to clarify to your friend the main point of the problem.
   
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Re: Abusive Friend - March 22nd 2017, 09:16 PM

Thank you! This is great advice, i have a much better friend who is a bit older who might help me out. My only question would be how do i end the friendship or does it even need to be ended?
   
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Re: Abusive Friend - March 22nd 2017, 09:36 PM

Hi there!

I'm really sorry you are going through this. You shouldn't have to deal with abusive behavior from anyone, much less a girl who is your best friend; the person who is supposed to stand up for you if someone treats you this way. As Erin said, relationships are supposed to be built on trust rather than fear.

Considering you have told her numerous times to stop, and have not showed any sign that you are enjoying her behavior towards you but it isn't helping at all, it may be best to end the friendship with her because it seems like your trust in her will be broken from how she has treated you. If you are afraid of how she'll react when you end the friendship, you can do it in a fairly open and public area. Or leave a note for her to read. You can be short and simple, just explain that you have asked her to stop hitting and slapping you among other things but she isn't listening and you feel it will be best to end the friendship.

You said she wants to sit next to you on the field trip? I'm wondering if it's possible to wait for her to pick her seat, then choose to sit somewhere else? I wouldn't want for you to be put into a situation in which you have to deal with her behavior for 12 hours straight. Sitting next to her in class must be tense. If she gets abusive to you during class, you can always notify the teacher since she is the one causing the disturbance. I think it is important she meets the consequences for her actions to realize it isn't okay to slap, punch, kick nor scratch someone. I am wondering why she began acting out this way, if she is experiencing difficulties at home which is why it'd be a good idea to notify a trusted adult at school to both help you, and hopefully her. As Erin said, telling someone may be scary but it is important for your own safety. You can talk to a teacher, principal, school guidance counselor and your parents. Opening up to the friend who is older than you may be helpful for sure.

Hope this helps and that things look up for you soon! Let us know how it goes for you. Stay strong and stay safe, take care!


For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
~ John 3:16 (KJV)
   
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Re: Abusive Friend - March 23rd 2017, 01:54 AM

Thank you so much! I am a bit scared as i do not know how she will react but i need to toughen up and realize i would rather lose a bad friend then be slapped again. Thanks agian for your advice! Its very helpful!
   
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