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Tips on opening up to mom? - April 15th 2017, 08:40 PM

Hi, guys. I have been on and off TH for a couple of months and the last thread I started here helped me a lot, I started studying musical theatre which is my passion and everything seems so much better now, but there is something bugging me and I really want to get over it, which is opening up to my mom. We were never close, as in talking about stuff, I never got the puberty talk or the drugs talk (that would've been embarrassing honestly I'm happy we didn't lol) because when I reached that age we were already distant. I can't quite remember us talking about stuff much to be honest, I do remember an afternoon when I was 5 and told her I wanted to be an actress and she told me she would sign me up for acting classes (she never did) and that's it, can't remember any other time we sat and talked about something. I do have reasons to believe that's why I grew up to be so closed with my family, mom was always too busy to talk with me, grandma is not here anymore, my uncle is a man and I don't exactly feel comfortable opening up to him about some stuff. When I was a bit younger (let's say something between 10 and 18 years old), I'd miss mom asking me stuff like how was school or what did I think we should have for dinner. That time was one of the hardest times in my life not because she didn't ask me these questions but because of school, and the pressure, and my brother's diagnosis which made me feel so selfish about dreaming the dreams I dream, and the bullying that she only realised was happening when she got a call from school telling her I went to the hospital and I had 3 broken bones and a bunch of bruises that day. Everyone here in TH knows how being a teenager is like, you step over an ant and it feels like you killed a whole species because every little thing is an enormous thing for us and not having my mom to talk about any doubts or fears and not having any friends to distract myself from my mind, it was pretty tough. Being in theatre now is amazing and frustrating at the same time, there are classes I can't let myself out because my mind goes straight to people telling me to swallow it up and I grew used to it, but I'm getting better. I'm not as nervous around too many people anymore, I can make conversation (usually, I'm still weird around older men though, family friends or not), I want to go out more, I'm even planning on going out of state for a couple of weeks for a MT Intensive, but I still can't open up to my mom. I can't sit down and say "so, this happened in class today" or "i'm having so much trouble with this song or piece of choreography" (man, I can't even sing around the house when she's here and I sing in front of about 40 people every week in class) or "what would you do if" and the things that scare me the most are my plans of going out of the country for an education. I'm not scared of going somewhere I've never been before and don't know anyone (though I know the fear will show up if I finally decide to do it), I'm afraid of leaving her and my little brother (who has a fatal and uncurable disease) here and regret it later. I know I have to make my future and can't live just for them, but I also know they won't last forever and that they need me here even if it's just to catch that remote that feel on the floor and my brother can't move to get it and my mom's back is hurting too much that day. I thought of maybe writing a letter but I'm embarrassed to do so. I feel like, maybe if I was able to open up to her about little things like how cool was that commercial I saw on the subway today, I'll eventually be able to talk to her about big stuff like the one I just described above, I mean, I think that's how it's supposed to happen, but I don't know where to start and I'd appreciate a couple of tips.
   
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Re: Tips on opening up to mom? - April 15th 2017, 10:29 PM

Writing your mom a letter might actually be the best thing to do. Explain to her that you'd like to be able to talk openly with her and tell her that you love her. She might feel unappreciated and a note saying that you want to talk to her might make her realize that its time to step up and be a mom. Good luck! I'd love to know how things work out.
   
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Re: Tips on opening up to mom? - April 17th 2017, 04:04 AM

Opening up to someone with smaller things to begin with often makes it easier to talk about larger things later.

Verbalizing things can be difficult, and a lot of people our age like writing letters. It's a way to get things out and giving it to someone makes them responsible for bringing up a conversation, instead of you. You said you're embarrassed to write a letter, do you know why that is? If you can figure out why, you can work on easing your embarrassment so you can eventually give your mom a letter.

What if you write your mom a trial letter? You can write a letter as though you're writing it to her, but don't give it to her just yet. Put whatever you want in it so you can clear your head, and then try writing a similar letter that you'll actually give to her. This will give you the opportunity to express your feelings and then organize them in a way that feels best to you.


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Re: Tips on opening up to mom? - April 21st 2017, 04:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by O2012 View Post
Writing your mom a letter might actually be the best thing to do. Explain to her that you'd like to be able to talk openly with her and tell her that you love her. She might feel unappreciated and a note saying that you want to talk to her might make her realize that its time to step up and be a mom. Good luck! I'd love to know how things work out.
yes I agree with this... Writing a letter would do.
   
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