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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Nonoka Offline
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My Dad won't talk to me - May 17th 2017, 03:29 AM

When I told my Dad I was pregnant he got so mad he kicked me out and won't talk to me. My daughter is 6 months old now and he still refuses to have anything to do with us. My Dad is very religious and strict but I never thought he would be so mad that he would go over a year without talking to me or that he would want nothing to do with my baby. I know I'm young and made a stupid mistake when I got pregnant but I've been working hard to go to school and raise my daughter. At first I thought he would come around but now I am not so sure anymore and it's really killing me.
   
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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 17th 2017, 06:47 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry your dad has reacted so negatively about you having a baby. What have you tried so far to get him to speak to you? Have you tried sending him some pictures of your little one? Maybe birthday cards from you and her too? He's upset and that's ok, but it obviously means a lot to you that he's still involved. I know I've seen in your other post that you live with your grandma, so would she be able to help you get through to him? Perhaps you and her could organise a family dinner or reunion and invite him over. It may take time but at least he can see you're really trying, and he will be able to see what a wonderful job you're doing as a mum.

I hope it goes ok for you.


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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 18th 2017, 12:31 AM

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Originally Posted by Everglow. View Post
Hey,

I'm sorry your dad has reacted so negatively about you having a baby. What have you tried so far to get him to speak to you? Have you tried sending him some pictures of your little one? Maybe birthday cards from you and her too? He's upset and that's ok, but it obviously means a lot to you that he's still involved. I know I've seen in your other post that you live with your grandma, so would she be able to help you get through to him? Perhaps you and her could organise a family dinner or reunion and invite him over. It may take time but at least he can see you're really trying, and he will be able to see what a wonderful job you're doing as a mum.

I hope it goes ok for you.
Yes I am living with my Grandma on my Mom's side. My Mom is still with my Dad and she talks to me and visits with us but my Dad still refuses. When we have family get togethers he doesn't go at all because I might be there and I'm not allowed to go home to their house. My Mom doesn't agree with him but she refuses to get in an argument with him about it. We have sent Christmas and birthday cards and pictures my Mom says they have a picture of my daughter on the fridge. I feel like I've tried everything to get him to talk to me again and am out of ideas but to wait and give him time. I'm not sure anymore that he will ever come around. I'm mad at him too for shunning us for so long I feel like he hates me and maybe he does but I still wish we could work things out.
   
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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 18th 2017, 09:06 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that your dad hasn't been supportive of you since giving birth to your child. Sometimes the best thing that you can do is to give a person time to come around. It's possible that he just needs to process things on his own time and accept the fact that he has a grandchild sooner than he anticipated.

You've definitely made it clear that it's important to you to have him involved in your life and in your daughter's life. I'm sure he sees the effort that you're making, even if he hasn't acknowledged it yet. Since it sounds like he isn't ready to spend face-to-face time with you yet, perhaps you could consider writing him a letter. Let him know that you miss him and would like the opportunity to sit down and talk through things with him when he is ready. Remind him that you still respect him as your father and that, while you wish things were different, you do understand that he's upset about you having a baby. You can also use part of the letter to fill him in on how you and your daughter have been doing to show him that you do want him to know what is going on in your life. Finally, remind him that you love him and that you hope he comes around soon.

Best of luck! I really hope your dad comes around soon.

Take care,
Sammi


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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 18th 2017, 02:21 PM

I never really thought about writing a letter before. I just don't think I did something horrible enough to deserve for him to be this mad at me which makes me mad at him too. Family is important, how can you go so long without talking to them? What if something had happened before we made up. I can't imagine ever not talking to my daughter for any reason. I've never been really close to my dad he's always been pretty strict but still I don't want us to regret this one day. It's hard for me to think of what I would write in a letter but I can give that a try. Thank you for the suggestion.
   
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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 18th 2017, 06:28 PM

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Originally Posted by Nonoka View Post
I never really thought about writing a letter before. I just don't think I did something horrible enough to deserve for him to be this mad at me which makes me mad at him too. Family is important, how can you go so long without talking to them? What if something had happened before we made up. I can't imagine ever not talking to my daughter for any reason. I've never been really close to my dad he's always been pretty strict but still I don't want us to regret this one day. It's hard for me to think of what I would write in a letter but I can give that a try. Thank you for the suggestion.
I definitely understand your frustration. Even without having a close relationship to your dad in the past, it makes perfect sense that you want to have him as a part of your life. In the letter, you can just write how you're thinking or feeling. It's really just a way to give him a small window into your world.

You can talk about how you miss him and how you hope you'll be able to repair your relationship one day. You can tell him little things about how your life is going and fill him in on your daughter's growth. If you haven't sent them an updated photo recently, you can even include one of those. You can end the letter by telling him that you love him and, when he is ready to see you, you would love that opportunity.


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she had a gypsy soul
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-d. marie
   
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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 22nd 2017, 02:23 AM

Yesterday I wrote a letter for my Dad as suggested and gave it to my Mom to pass on for me. She gave it back and told me she wasn't going to give it to him that she thought but would be better if we could talk in person. She talked to him about it all for me again and I was completely shocked when she called earlier to tell me that this time my Dad agreed to have me and my daughter over for dinner tomorrow. I don't know what has suddenly changed his mind but I really hope we can set things right tomorrow. I'm really nervous and worried about how it will go.
   
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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 22nd 2017, 02:35 PM

Even if your mom didn't pass the letter onto your dad, hopefully writing it helped you. Sometimes it helps to write as though you're writing to the person even if that person doesn't see it. It's a good way to release your feelings.

It is definitely understandable to be nervous about how the dinner will go. Maybe you can bring your letter, or write down some bullet points of things you'd like to discuss so you can look to that if you forget or feel nervous. Hopefully the dinner goes well.


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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 23rd 2017, 02:48 AM

I went to my parents house for dinner today with my daughter. My Dad was oddly formal and polite as though he was just meeting me. We didn't talk much but there was no yelling or arguing at least. My Dad was surprisingly good with my daughter which was a huge relief and made me really happy to see. I have a feeling it's going to take a while to get back to normal with him but it's a start I guess.
   
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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 23rd 2017, 07:42 PM

It's great to hear that your dad interacted well with your daughter! He may have been a bit formal, but that's probably because he's still trying to figure out how to act and how to repair your relationship. It definitely sounds like he's making an effort though. I'm sure he'll come around soon!


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Re: My Dad won't talk to me - May 23rd 2017, 09:53 PM

I am very happy to hear that all went well with your Father. Yes things will take time but at least things are starting to get better. I wish the best for you and you are such an inspiring person! Stay strong.
   
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