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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
YourGayness Offline
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Name: Andy
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Exclamation Why do my friends hate me?... - July 19th 2017, 08:18 PM

I can't deal with this...
No matter what I try to do, or who I try to hang out with, I have NEVER been in a proper friend group. Everyone else has their little groups.
I'm such an emotional person usually anyways, and I really value close friendships because my family are abusive and friends are how I escape from it all and cope with things.
But the friends I hang around with never invite me anywhere.
Some get frustrated because I'm very depressed and pessimistic, but I've tried to overcome the pessimism and such so I can be bearable.
Nothing has worked.
All of my friends are going on holiday together next summer and they planned everything behind my back.
I love my friends so much, but there's this one person in their friend group who isn't too fond of me, or at least just doesn't want to include me for some reason. No matter what I try, I'm never included.
And I've been crying so much because I can't cope with being so fucking unlovable and so unworthy of being invited anywhere.
They all talk about doing these things WHILE IM THERE what makes me feel worse.
And I KNOW that the one person who especially dislikes me brings it up to make me jealous and to show me that I'm not included in their group. The topic has no relevance sometimes and she'll just bring it up like "okay so the plans for tomorrow are... *explains plans she has already explained before and did not need to explain right there and then*"
I can't cope with it any more. I'm fucking ruining my happiness and sanity over this.
What do I do???
I'm so goddamn lost.
Please help me...
I feel like death.
   
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del677 Offline
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Re: Why do my friends hate me?... - July 20th 2017, 08:01 AM

possibly there's a completely different core of friends elsewhere better suited to your needs. support groups, church groups, mental wellness groups, possibly a counselor knows of some. I just some ideas.
   
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Re: Why do my friends hate me?... - July 30th 2017, 11:25 AM

I don't think they hate you, I think it's more of a reflection on themselves and how they can't seem to accept everyone without having to be shitty. Either way, they are devaluing you as a person, which means they don't respect or care for you as friends should. Which also means that they aren't actually your friends and are just using you for sport.

There is nothing that could possibly justify their treatment of you and I doubt they are going to change any time soon, but you could always just ask them to stop acting like bitches, unless they don't value your friendship. If they don't, then it's not that big of a deal. There are billions of people on the planet that you could befriend and leaving them behind just means you have more space for meeting new people later.

I can understand why you're upset though. I've never had a real friendship yet and I've gotten through high school all by myself without being part of a single friendship group in my school up to this point. I've mainly just been surviving through online friendships and maybe some part of my family, although the family friendship is wavering due to them being as emotionally unreliable as everyone else around me. I never really noticed how fucked up it was until recently, due to suddenly having to gain independence as a teenager, develop a self-reliant frontal lobe and all that. Not that it was all that sudden, considering I kinda already developed that way in order to survive early on. I suppose it's good that I developed emotional detachment at an early stage tho, because it made this stage of my life a lot less difficult to follow through with in general, as I'm not as psychologically invested as the next guy.

Anyway, I'm digressing. The point is, you should only invest your time in people who value you just as much, if not more. Otherwise, it's pointless to beat a dead horse around with a golf-club, because it's skull is still too thick to register how fucked up it's being.

Ahem, right. Yes. So that's my advice.

Fuck 'em. And go find some other, way cooler posse you can chill with.

P.S. It may take a very long time to find that cool posse, but it's goddamn worth its weight in the previous fuckery you had to sift through, I can tell you that much.


"I'm not making any plans. I'm just going to let the universe surprise me."
   
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organizedchaos Offline
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Re: Why do my friends hate me?... - August 1st 2017, 06:34 AM

Andy,

It's horrible you're "friends" are making you feel this way. They clearly aren't real friends if they're treating you like this, but I know how hard it can be to see that and let go. I went through a similar situation a couple years ago. I had 3 girl friends and we were super close, then we started hanging out with this group of guys. Things were fine at first, but after a few years everything started falling apart due to the guys and a lot of horrible timing and bad luck. My life even apart from the group was falling to pieces as the universe threw curveball after curveball at me. These people weren't really my friends though because while all of this was going on they only contributed to the hardships I was dealing with. I never saw their bullshit for what it truly was though because I kept clinging to the good times we'd had at the beginning. That was before everyone grew up more though, and I became an outcast since I didn't fit in with the rest of them. I also went through a period where I couldn't take it anymore and I slowly started pulling away from the group. It was hard and painful but when I finally was able to get out of it I felt so free. The funny thing is I was completely alone with no friends at all then, but I felt less lonely than I did when I was with the group. I finally could see how much of a negative impact they had on my life and am so much happier now that they're out of my life.

I hope you can see this and take yourself out of that negative relationship. Trust me it's not worth hanging onto and you will feel so much better once you let go! Even if you are then left with no friends to hang out with sometimes being alone can help you really analyze your life and where you want to take it from there, I know that helped me a lot anyway

Know that you're never truly alone though, especially with this site there are a ton of amazing and super nice people on here! I wish I had known about TH when I was going through all of this, and I would love to help you get through it! If you ever need to talk or to just know there's someone out there who's gotten through it feel free to reach out to me!

Kay
   
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