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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Feeling conflicted. - August 16th 2017, 10:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so I know I've posted before about my older sister, and just as a run down, I'm going to post a bit of background info for those of you who don't know about it.

My older sister has five children. She is very abusive, both physically and verbally to all of them except one who lives with an Aunt of ours. My sister is a drug addict, and has been in prison twice because of it. Now I've contacted CPS before because I've seen her abuse her children first hand. A lot of drama went down because of it, and I've since stayed away from my sister, and my birth mother.

Now recently I've talked to one of my little sisters who has a personal relationship with my older sister, and she has talked to me about some pretty horrible things she has witnessed personally. Abby (The only daughter) has lice so badly that if she shakes her head lice will fall out everywhere. Her hair is so matted to her head that it hurts her to touch it. Abby's teeth are also black and rotting out of her jaw. (Now these are Abby's baby teeth, but imagine what's going to happen to her adult teeth if this is how her baby teeth are.)

My oldest sister calls her oldest son a 'fat ass', pushes him around, and often leaves him for nights at a time to watch his younger siblings while his mother goes out to do drugs and have sex with men.

Now as I've said, I've called CPS before. Many of times and nothing ever gets done about it. EVER. My sister recently had to move out of the house she was living in because it was so infested with bed bugs and roaches, that they could be seen crawling around on the walls and there was trash everywhere, piles and piles of it.

Now even if I wanted to call CPS on her, idk where she lives now, and I've not really seen any of the things that are going on right now, only my younger sister has, but she is too afraid to say anything about it. Also, I sorta don't want to be involved. I know that more than likely sounds bad, but I just don't want to get involved with the family. I feel bad for those children, I truly do, but I've tried to do this before and not only does nothing get done about it, but my older sister, my birth mother, and some of my birth mother's family attack me, throwing things at my house, verbally being abusive. It's so stressful, and I'm afraid of putting my daughter in danger of getting hurt because these people are insane.

Now my younger sister, the one who is concerned about these kids, is really asking me to step in and make the call, but I really have no idea how to handle this. I feel guilty about saying no, but I also feel guilty for saying yes, because it puts so much stress on my family. Please give me some advice on what I should do.


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Re: Feeling conflicted. - August 16th 2017, 11:27 PM

You don't need the person's address to file a complaint. I am sure that the address helps but the police can usually find the person just from having their full name and so it's likely that CPS can do the same or can utilize the police resources if need be. I know the detective on my case was able to get all of my mom's information and I didn't supply her with anything other than her name.

That being said, if reporting it would put you and your family in danger I am not 100% certain what you can do. I know you can make anonymous reports but I believe you've done that in the past and still had issues. The thing is, the sister that is asking you to do this is likely just as capable of saying something but is defaulting you.

I think that what you have to do is make a decision about if you can handle not saying anything or will it be something that eats you up and cause your mental health to suffer? Either choice that you make will come with consequences which you have outlined. Is there someone you can talk to about it? Maybe your husband? He might be able to give you better insight since he is there with you and knows your family and the situation.




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Re: Feeling conflicted. - August 17th 2017, 12:33 AM

My husband doesn't really understand how I feel about the situation, and he is the type of person who would rather stand back and stay back, I'm just not sure if I'm willing to put myself in the situation to report her. If that makes sense.


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Re: Feeling conflicted. - August 17th 2017, 04:57 AM

Do you know what school these kids go to? (I'm assuming theyre enrolled in a school) Maybe the school can get involved somehow.

When I was in elementary school my uncle called my school and told a staff there about how he suspects my sisters and I weren't taken proper care of. Mind you, he himself has abused me, and may have had altering motives than looking out for my wellbeing. However, the school did try to step up (they didn't fully understand the issue because like I said the uncle who reported it was/is not someone I can be close to, and the school itself is highly corrupt but the school tried to do something about it in their own little way.
I believe more might come out of this if they're enrolled in a public school rather than a private one.
I think once the school is tipped off and the school counselor tries to reach out to the family, the curtains will start being pulled down a bit? And then the school can file a case instead of you...?
   
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Re: Feeling conflicted. - August 18th 2017, 12:28 AM

I never thought of that before! I'll make sure to take that in to consideration. I've also had someone suggest to me to write an anonymous letter to CPS so I don't have to talk to anyone, or have anyone ask me any questions about it. Just type out all the info I need to get out, and then send the letter in the mail, or well, drop it in a mail drop so it isn't picked up from my house. Does that sound like a stupid idea?


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Re: Feeling conflicted. - August 19th 2017, 07:30 PM

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Originally Posted by Calaer View Post
I never thought of that before! I'll make sure to take that in to consideration. I've also had someone suggest to me to write an anonymous letter to CPS so I don't have to talk to anyone, or have anyone ask me any questions about it. Just type out all the info I need to get out, and then send the letter in the mail, or well, drop it in a mail drop so it isn't picked up from my house. Does that sound like a stupid idea?

No, it doesn't sound like a stupid idea at all. Hopefully CPS will take the letter into consideration and do a home check or something.

I also like the idea of going to the school.


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Re: Feeling conflicted. - August 19th 2017, 08:54 PM

I do as well. I'm going to look in to the possibility of doing both.


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