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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lionheart Offline
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Feels like I'm all alone - August 31st 2017, 02:02 PM

I guess its just one big rant but I'm so sick of it.
I feel like when things come down to it, I'm on my own. I can't rely on my family, can't rely on my friends. Especially the ones I'm close to.
The thing with my family is, while we like each other I simply do not fit in. They try to help but they simply don't understand me. Talks with my brother mostly end in arguments and around my parents I have to be carefull what I even say. I can't talk about relationship issues since they still haven't and probably never will rally get over the fact that I'm queer, can't talk about my friends as they don't understand how our friendship works. Can't talk about problems at Uni or with the job because according to them I should have just become and engineer and then I wouln't have any of these problems (studying to become an engineer made my depression escalate and I nearly died but I can't telll them that either since they don't want to talk about mental helath issues). So we do a lot of small talk when i visit them. It's nice, but it's not really helpfull.
I mean, if I was in trouble they would try to help me, since we're family and stuff and we like each other but I will never be able to count on them for emotional support.
My friends are not much better. Most of them life far away and while we are really good friends and can't really talk with them about problems. They are not that kind of friends especially since its really hard for me to open up to anyone and I definitely won't do it over phone. I'm to scared of someone overhearing and stuff.
The friends that live close by are only a handfull and I can't talk to them either. One has so many mental health problems, when we start talking about the issue I'm drowning in her problems and left worring over her on top of my own problems. One just can't deal with it and the others... well they are my childhood friends and we are super close, but they already make fun of me. Everytime I make a mistake, let my composure slip they start making fun of it, giving me stupid remarks and they will rub it in my face even month later. Like, remember that one time Oliver got upset and started crying? It was so hilarios, you're so sensitive....
Stuff like that. It's mostly ok, but sometimes they make fun of things that really aren't funny. Things that actually hurt a lot and I even told one of them to stop once because it isn't funny and she laughed in my face and said "But to me it is".
My best friend is the same. She makes fun of these things eventhough i told her countless times that she should stop and that it hurts. I can never talk to her about anything seriouse. Like when I have trouble at Uni and I say something she starts talking about how she has so much more work to do. When I managed someting like finding out how the printers in the lib work, she gives me that look and says things like "How come you didn't know that" in a way that makes me feel really awfull and stupid and simply horrible. When I try to study she just comes up and talks to me, but when she is studying she doesn't even look up when I have something important to say. She talkes to me when I have my headphones in because I have to concentrate and later she makes fun of me for not remembering what she said. It's thousands of small things that make me feel liek I'm a second class person. Like I wanted to cook with her, so we decided to make lasagne. She doesn't like the things I usually cook. She always says I always cook the same and its disgusting and my cooking stinks (because of the ingerdients not because I cook bad). And I needed to get some stuff for lasagne yesterday but I forgot some and told her. She was groccerv shopping this morning but she didn't even thing of getting the things that were missing for the lasagne. So when i came home from uni and was already upset because things went wrong and she made some remarks that made me feel really bad, I had to leave again to buy the stuff.
It's like she doesn't even care that we wanted to eat together. I was so close to just canceling, but I really want to eat together for once and I already bought the stuff and I don't want to hear even more side remarks. I'm already so close to crying because I basicly have noone to tell this to or ask for advice or just rant to.
I have you guys but its not the same as talking in person and appart from that it feels like I have noone.
I'm in the progress of making friends at Uni, but we're not that close yet and one currently has so many problems (her close friend died and her grandpa and her relationship is dieing).
I just feel like noone even gives a damn about me.
The last person that asked me how I am was someone on the internet I exchange mails with every second week. We don't even know each other. But that girl and anothe rone are the only ones nowaday that even care to ask if I'm alright.
And that just hurts. It hurts so much to know that noone gives a damn as long as you function and everytime I say something about how I'm not ok or when i get angry or upset, people just make fun of me or tell me it's annoying.
A few days ago my friend told me to take my anger out on myself instead of things that have nothing to do with it, because I slammed the door a bit to hard. She doesn't know I have a history with SH (I'm afraid she would just make fun of me) but it still was like a slapp in the face. But I guess I'm just oversensitive.
I've come so far since I left theraphy. I would even say I'm ok. But with things how they are I'm afraid it won't be long till I'm not because I have no support system. Like, none at all. I don't even have anyone I can tell this to because the only two people who would understand me are struggeling so much right now, I can't add to their problems. I simply can't.
The only one who I could ever talk to (beside my therapist) was my ex. She understood and she didn't judge or try to give stupid advice. She never made fun of me. It's been over a year we broke up and I don't miss her usually, but it's moments like this that I really miss her. Not because I love her, but because it feels like she was the only one who ever truly was on my side.
I understand that i need to do things on my own and I am the one who has to feel satisfied with my accomplishments and such, but it just feels so lonely when you have noone to congratulate on actually managing to do something that was hard for me. It hurts to not have anyone to ask for advice or who will just listen to me. It hurts to not be ably to show my friends or family when I'm not ok, because I would only get stupid comments for it or get made fun of.
Sorry this got so long. I'm not even sure this belongs here, but it was the first place that came to mind and I had to say it somewhere. Because right now I just feel so alone and hurt and nobody gives a damn.
Like my friend is on the sofa two meters from me, reading a story and ignoring that I have basicly tears in my eyes. Maybe because she doesn't see, but even if she saw, she doesn't want to deal with my shit, so she might also be just ignoring it. One time I was close to crying she told me to suck it up and not do it, because it makes her uncomfortable. Like, fuck it, it doesn't matter if I'm having a break down or not, all that matters is that she is fucking comfortable....
Or maybe I'm just being overdramativ. Maybe thats how friendships and family are supposed to be. Maybe only having smalltalk with family is normal, and maybe you don't actually expect support from friends. I only started having friends (except my best friend) three years ago. I don't know shit about friendship. So maybe this is actually how things are supposed to be and I've been expecting to much all along.


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
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Re: Feels like I'm all alone - September 3rd 2017, 01:59 PM

Hey Oliver,

Apologies for the delayed reply.

You're not over sensitive. You're going through a lot right now and you can't help how you feel. It must be incredibly difficult trying to do it all without a support system.

How long ago did you leave therapy? Do you think you could go back? Even if you aren't working on anything in particular, talking to your therapist at a set time every so often can be really helpful. Your therapist could be a valuable part of your support system and it is nice to have that if it is available to you.

You said you went to your ex when you needed someone to talk to as well. It may be difficult since you are broken up, but what was your state of the relationship at the end? Would you feel comfortable possibly keeping a friendship with your ex? If you do become friends with her, you could lean on her in the way that you used to and it could be nice to have a friend that does not make fun of you or make you feel bad.

Are you in any clubs at school? You could see if your school has an LGBTQ support group. You could also look into other clubs so you can meet people with similar interests.

I know that even though it is nice to have people on here, it is hard to be solely online and be unable to see these people in person. Despite that, though, TeenHelp will always be here for you.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Lionheart Offline
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Re: Feels like I'm all alone - September 6th 2017, 12:29 PM

Thanks for your reply Cassado

I left theraphy over a year ago and going back will be difficult if not impossible. My therapist moved away so i would have to get a new one and where I life that means half a year on the waiting list, another three month to get an appointment and if they don't finde something in the first three sessions they can write my inssurance I'm kind of out as they wouldn't gte paid oherwise.(And to be fair it's to much stress for me to find someone new and go to an appointment ever other week, so I don't really want to put my energy into this).

The thing with my ex is complicated. We were friends after we broke up. Then tehre was a really big fight between me, her and my bf. We didn't talk for half a year and a few weeks ago I did some small step by saying hi, when I saw her, instead of ignoring her (and her ignoring me) when we saw each other. But I can't see us even getting on friendly terms again (and my bf would probably kill me, if I betrayed her by becoming friend with my ex again (the fight between those two was much worse than mine with her)).

That's actually a really good idea. I've thought about joining a group at Uni, but up till now I haven't worked up my courage to go there and ask them if I can join. But maybe I will try that once semesterbreak is over.

Thanks again for your reply even if it's 'just' online, it help a lot to know, that I'm not as alone as I sometimes feel.


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
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Re: Feels like I'm all alone - September 6th 2017, 11:45 PM

It is difficult when your therapist moves, especially if you had a good therapeutic relationship with them. It is especially hard to try to start new and try to develop a similar healing relationship. Does your university offer counseling services? Perhaps that could be a little bit of a different system as opposed to seeing someone outside of school? I am not sure how that all works but if you do decide you are interested in returning to therapy it may be worth a try.

Definitely try to join a group at your school if you can. That could open the door to new friends and you may be able to vent about how you're feeling as well.

Feel free to keep us updated!


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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