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Help!!!! Mom is so annoying. - September 11th 2017, 02:50 AM

Me and my mom are in a really bad argument. When I was in 5th grade I was given the choice between choir and band. Mom told me I would have to quit piano go do band. At the time I loved piano. So naturally I chose choir. She then changed her mind after I turned the paper in. I hated her for about a week and we didn't speak of it for quite a while. Well this year the school hired a new choir teacher who is really mean. My awesome piano teacher also is not doing private lessons anymore. The new one makes me want to scream for reasons I won't get into. If I had this piano teacher at the time I would of happily chosen band. The one other thing that happened is that the school added a new option, general music. I have decided that general music is for lazy kids and they don't perform. Just to be clear I will not do general music. Ever. All these things happening has brought up the fact that I will never get to be in band all the way though high school due to mom in 5th grade. She will not admit it. I can not get her to admit it's her fault that I will never be in band. She says I "missed my opportunity" and am like yes I did, because of you. They do not let you go in to band after 5th grade. I am 7th. To sum it up, mom ruined school music for me and won't admit it.
   
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Re: Help!!!! Mom is so annoying. - September 13th 2017, 11:23 PM

it is unfortunate that you are not allowed to enter band after fifth grade. That must be difficult and it is understandable for you to be upset with your mom due to this. You said that your piano teacher no longer does lessons; do you think you could find another piano teacher or another instrument you're interested in and do lessons on the side of school?

You said you're not intreseted in general music because you feel that it is for lazy students. You definitely do not have to do it if you don't want to but perhaps you could try to be more open minded towards it. You never know; sometimes things that seem the least fun or interesting end up being surprising in a positive way.

You could stay in choir and cope with the teacher that you find irritating. Unfortunately, there are times when people have to work with other people that they do not like. It is uncomfortable but it happens a lot in life and it can be a great learning experience.

Perhaps you could try talking to your mom about your feelings in a different way, such as using I statements. For instance, you could say "I feel upset when you don't discuss my feelings about band with me," If you use I statements, you can discuss your feelings without placing the blame on your mom.

Best of luck to you.


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Re: Help!!!! Mom is so annoying. - September 16th 2017, 03:24 AM

I am sorry that this happened to you. I think that sometimes parents say or do things that they think might benefit their child more and later on they realize that probably isn't true. The thing about parenting is that no one is given a handbook so it is likely that at some point parents are going to make mistakes.

That being said, you definitely have the right to be upset about this because your mom made a decision that will likely impact you for quite some time. That being said, I do not understand why your school has this particular rule? I know a number of the people in band back at my old high school didn't start until 7th or 8th grade.

The one thing I want to say is that there might be other opportunities for you when you get into high school. They might not be band but they might be things that you will enjoy. I knew a few people in high school who chose to be in color guard because they either didn't want to be in band or they couldn't get into band. That might be something to look into. And, at most high schools there is a decent amount of other activities for the students to participate in. So, while you missed out on band you might get to high school and come upon another opportunity.

As for your mom, you honestly can't force her to accept responsibility or even force her to acknowledge the mistake she made. I think it would definitely be nice if she would but a lot of people aren't super interested in admitting to their mistakes or apologizing. Also, if she doesn't think it is a huge deal she might not feel like she needs to apologize. That being said, I think that talking to her in a calm manner and just explaining how upset and hurt you are by this might be helpful for you. Do it at a time when you don't feel you will explode if she invalidates your feelings. Another thing you could do is write her a letter or email and detail, in a cordial manner, how you are feeling etc. Sometimes writing letters can be a good way to get your feelings across without it turning into an argument. If you do try and discuss this with your mom the best thing to do is not expect an apology or validation when you expect those things it can lead to anger and hurt. Go into the conversation or writing of the letter as a way to express your feelings.

Best of luck and if you would like to talk feel free to message me.


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