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Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 02:08 AM

I know my Mom loves me but many times it just seems like I come home from school and I could stay up in my room all night and my Mom wouldn't even care to even check on me. Not even to see if I want to eat dinner or not. I usually come down stairs once Mom gets home from work to interact a bit then it is back up into my room until I know it is near time to eat dinner. She never really asks me how my day goes or really just doesn't seem interested. So I just go back to my bedroom and turn on my music and do my homework or whatever. It really bothers me that she ignores me and I really don't know how to go about telling her how I feel. I don't want to make her upset because I don't think she even realizes she is doing it. So should I tell her or should I just try and initiate more interaction even though that is really hard for me. I am not the one to start conversations very well. I just want to see what you all think. Thank You.


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 09:16 AM

Hi Hanna,

I don't think it's a bad thing to tell your mom how you feel. Assuming that her job keeps her so occupied, she probably just feels so tired and burned out when she comes home. Therefore, all she probably has on her mind is just relaxation and maybe even going straight to bed. You are probably right that your mom probably doesn't realize that she's ignoring you.

Since you did say you're not one to start up conversations very well as you claim, you should just be straightforward with her and tell her how you feel about all this "neglect" she's been giving you. I mean, I'm sure your mom cares about you since it doesn't sound like she's the abusive type or the really neglective type. Your mom probably just feels so burned out after coming home from work, and I'm aware that usually parents who have busy jobs where they work long hours come home exhausted.

I wouldn't take it too personally if I were you, but don't hesitate to tell her how you feel. She's your mother, and like I said, I'm sure she cares about you. It's just probably she's just burned out from work that when she comes home, she doesn't want to think about anything else. Don't get mad at her when you approach her though. Just say what needs to be said, and then just listen to whatever your mom has to say, then just go from there.

I hope this has given you the insight you need as to what to do moving forward. I wish you all the best.

-B




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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 12:12 PM

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Originally Posted by CrusadingAvenger View Post
Hi Hanna,

I don't think it's a bad thing to tell your mom how you feel. Assuming that her job keeps her so occupied, she probably just feels so tired and burned out when she comes home. Therefore, all she probably has on her mind is just relaxation and maybe even going straight to bed. You are probably right that your mom probably doesn't realize that she's ignoring you.

Since you did say you're not one to start up conversations very well as you claim, you should just be straightforward with her and tell her how you feel about all this "neglect" she's been giving you. I mean, I'm sure your mom cares about you since it doesn't sound like she's the abusive type or the really neglective type. Your mom probably just feels so burned out after coming home from work, and I'm aware that usually parents who have busy jobs where they work long hours come home exhausted.

I wouldn't take it too personally if I were you, but don't hesitate to tell her how you feel. She's your mother, and like I said, I'm sure she cares about you. It's just probably she's just burned out from work that when she comes home, she doesn't want to think about anything else. Don't get mad at her when you approach her though. Just say what needs to be said, and then just listen to whatever your mom has to say, then just go from there.

I hope this has given you the insight you need as to what to do moving forward. I wish you all the best.

-B
Thanx, you are probably correct because her job is pretty stressful then she has to come home and start making dinner. She really doesn't get much of a break except on the weekends which really she doesn't pay much attention to me either, but it is a little better than. I think on the weekends she likes to just relax and unwind, but she still knows she has things around the house she has to get done. Your response did help.


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 06:54 PM

Just as I thought. Well, I hope your mom will be understanding of your concerns, and I hope you have a better understanding of where she's coming from too. No problem, glad to hear my advice helped.




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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 07:41 PM

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Just as I thought. Well, I hope your mom will be understanding of your concerns, and I hope you have a better understanding of where she's coming from too. No problem, glad to hear my advice helped.
Thanx, If I get my homework done I may even make an effort to help her with making dinner tonight. That will make it easier to talk about our days while we are doing stuff for dinner.


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 08:53 PM

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Originally Posted by Hanna Banana View Post
I know my Mom loves me but many times it just seems like I come home from school and I could stay up in my room all night and my Mom wouldn't even care to even check on me. Not even to see if I want to eat dinner or not. I usually come down stairs once Mom gets home from work to interact a bit then it is back up into my room until I know it is near time to eat dinner. She never really asks me how my day goes or really just doesn't seem interested. So I just go back to my bedroom and turn on my music and do my homework or whatever. It really bothers me that she ignores me and I really don't know how to go about telling her how I feel. I don't want to make her upset because I don't think she even realizes she is doing it. So should I tell her or should I just try and initiate more interaction even though that is really hard for me. I am not the one to start conversations very well. I just want to see what you all think. Thank You.
try to explain to her that you need more attention and you have to tell her that she should give some of the time to you
   
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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 09:01 PM

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try to explain to her that you need more attention and you have to tell her that she should give some of the time to you
Thanx, I plain on talking to her casually about it tonight when I help her make dinner. I just don't want to make her sad because I honestly don't think she even realizes she is doing it.


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 11:27 PM

Hey there,

Welcome to Teen help

I am sorry you're going through this. It is natural to want to feel loved and listened to. Not just about meeting physical needs but also having a relationship. It sounds like she is so focused on providing food, shelter, clothes etc and keeping up at work, that you're feeling forgotten about.

I'm wondering if she is a single parent and also do you have siblings? Sometimes things get really hard with being a single parent and/or with multiple kids which is understandable to get burntout. That doesn't make it stop hurting that she doesn't talk to you though. And I hope things get better after it is brought to her attention

If you were to ask to talk to her, do you think she would make time for you? If you think talking to her might hrlp, that's probably the first place to start.
Also perhaps you can think of specific things you can do like play board games or watch a movie or TV show together and sees what she says to that. You can try doing a couple of chores like sweeping the floor or taking out the trash, just to set the space a bit to make it more comfortable.

Alternatively, you can ask if she needs a hand with cooking dinner. I personally find collective food prepping to be really social and great for together time. Prepping food together might make dinner more enjoyable and you also learn new skills or practice old skills.

I hope this helps a bit. I understand not every parent is easy to talk to though. I also understand that affection is a basic need and it hurts when a parent doesn't show affection.
   
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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 10th 2017, 11:43 PM

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Originally Posted by Hum View Post
Hey there,

Welcome to Teen help

I am sorry you're going through this. It is natural to want to feel loved and listened to. Not just about meeting physical needs but also having a relationship. It sounds like she is so focused on providing food, shelter, clothes etc and keeping up at work, that you're feeling forgotten about.

I'm wondering if she is a single parent and also do you have siblings? Sometimes things get really hard with being a single parent and/or with multiple kids which is understandable to get burntout. That doesn't make it stop hurting that she doesn't talk to you though. And I hope things get better after it is brought to her attention

If you were to ask to talk to her, do you think she would make time for you? If you think talking to her might hrlp, that's probably the first place to start.
Also perhaps you can think of specific things you can do like play board games or watch a movie or TV show together and sees what she says to that. You can try doing a couple of chores like sweeping the floor or taking out the trash, just to set the space a bit to make it more comfortable.

Alternatively, you can ask if she needs a hand with cooking dinner. I personally find collective food prepping to be really social and great for together time. Prepping food together might make dinner more enjoyable and you also learn new skills or practice old skills.

I hope this helps a bit. I understand not every parent is easy to talk to though. I also understand that affection is a basic need and it hurts when a parent doesn't show affection.
Thanx so much. Yes she is a single Mom but I am an only child. I did offer to help with dinner prep tonight and we talked and I mentioned how I felt and it couldn't have gone any better. She did feel bad, but I told her not to because I know she has a lot on her plate. She is definitely going to make an effort to ask me how school went each day when she gets home and she really liked that I helped with the dinner. We also talked about watching a movie together this weekend. Just Mom/Kid Night which sounds great.

I want to thank everyone for there responses for they all helped.


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 11th 2017, 01:00 AM

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Thanx so much. Yes she is a single Mom but I am an only child. I did offer to help with dinner prep tonight and we talked and I mentioned how I felt and it couldn't have gone any better. She did feel bad, but I told her not to because I know she has a lot on her plate. She is definitely going to make an effort to ask me how school went each day when she gets home and she really liked that I helped with the dinner. We also talked about watching a movie together this weekend. Just Mom/Kid Night which sounds great.

I want to thank everyone for there responses for they all helped.

I'm so happy things worked for the better. I also think it was wonderful you thought of prepping dinner with her on your own, it shows you're taking initiative.

I didn't even realize you mentioned that you were going to do that. Only after I was like wow, our posts are 15 minutes apart, how'd she do it so fast xD

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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 11th 2017, 01:09 AM

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I'm so happy things worked for the better. I also think it was wonderful you thought of prepping dinner with her on your own, it shows you're taking initiative.

I didn't even realize you mentioned that you were going to do that. Only after I was like wow, our posts are 15 minutes apart, how'd she do it so fast xD

If any more issues arises feel free to come back her or make another thread.
I sure will. Tonight was one of the best nights in a long while that I had with my Mom. I am glad I posted here and got the helpful replies that I did.


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 11th 2017, 04:04 PM

Hello,

I am glad that you were able to discuss this with your mom. It seems likely that she probably is just dealing with so much stress that when she gets home she kind of zones out. It is unlikely that she is doing it on purpose. I know that my dad struggles with the same thing. He has a very stressful job and when he comes home he kind of zones out. As a kid, I used to struggle with this a lot. One thing that my dad would try and do is do stuff with us on the weekends. It is definitely important to spend time together and his compromise was spending time with us on the weekends. Maybe you and your mom could work in something like that. You two spend a few hours together during the weekend and, maybe, during the weekdays you two can check in together. If you eat dinner together quite often you could both use that time to check in with one another and spend a bit of time together.

I hope things continue to improve for you and your mom.


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 11th 2017, 04:46 PM

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Hello,

I am glad that you were able to discuss this with your mom. It seems likely that she probably is just dealing with so much stress that when she gets home she kind of zones out. It is unlikely that she is doing it on purpose. I know that my dad struggles with the same thing. He has a very stressful job and when he comes home he kind of zones out. As a kid, I used to struggle with this a lot. One thing that my dad would try and do is do stuff with us on the weekends. It is definitely important to spend time together and his compromise was spending time with us on the weekends. Maybe you and your mom could work in something like that. You two spend a few hours together during the weekend and, maybe, during the weekdays you two can check in together. If you eat dinner together quite often you could both use that time to check in with one another and spend a bit of time together.

I hope things continue to improve for you and your mom.
Yes, Thanx. My Mom was actually upset that she was making me feel this way because she really didn't realize it. We are planning a Mom/Kid weekend night where we will order pizza and ice cream and watch a movie together and just chat.


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 11th 2017, 05:28 PM

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Yes, Thanx. My Mom was actually upset that she was making me feel this way because she really didn't realize it. We are planning a Mom/Kid weekend night where we will order pizza and ice cream and watch a movie together and just chat.

That sounds great! I hope that the two of you end up having a great time. Movie nights can be extremely fun!


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Re: Feeling Ignored - October 11th 2017, 07:50 PM

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That sounds great! I hope that the two of you end up having a great time. Movie nights can be extremely fun!
Thanx so much. I know I am looking forward to it. I am also going to make it a priority of my own to help my Mom out when she gets home with making dinner. Yesterday I did that and it was actually fun and I learned some tips about cooking.


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