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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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JessicaTt Offline
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Unhappy My best friend hates me - October 20th 2017, 01:01 AM

My name is Jessica and I don't know what to do so i figured i would write in here. My best friend hates me...well she isn't my friend anymore but a year ago she was like a sister for me. We've always been friends as long as i can remember. One day, she stopped answering my texts and she would always cancel me. She started hanging out with another friend and they became best friend. She became mean with me and became to lie to me. I don't really talk to her anymore but I feel so alone. I don't have a lot of friends and I feel like all of my friends don't care about me. I always see my ex-bestfriend at school and she talks to me like nothing's wrong. This summer, she canceled me and said it was because she was sick but i discovered it was because she made plans wih her new best friend. I have never feel more alone in my entire life. I don' know what to do
   
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Re: My best friend hates me - October 20th 2017, 01:45 AM

First and foremost, know your worth, alright? It's good to maintain strong relationships and find out what's wrong, but you shouldn't be vying for this person's attention if she's giving you the cold shoulder. That said, you noted she had another friend. You might want to find out more about who she's hanging out with and check for two main things:

1. Does she have a lot in common with your ex-bestie, even more than you do?
2. Is she the kind of person that might do something underhanded that could change your friend's opinion of you? Because even if #1 is true, it doesn't make sense that your friend would start being mean to you rather than just splitting time if anything.

Outside of that important information, I suggest not trying too hard to be joined with this person at the hip. It sounds like you're inviting her to hang out quite a bit and if she's cancelling or cold, then it could be best to stop trying to take up as much time as you used to. For damage control if that's what you've been doing, talk to her and let her know that your opinion of her won't change if she simply tells you the truth about why she hasn't been as close as before. That you'd be wholly accepting if she had new friends are just found other interests. That all you want is to know why rather than to force any kind of change(sometimes besties feel too much pressure when trying to branch out in their social life, so trying to alleviate this can help).

Finally, try looking back on your relationship before that point. Sometimes there's a darker part that goes unnoticed. Was everything between you two joint decisions? Did you both respect each other's opinions and feelings? Was there anything that could be considered unfair, or any banter that one of you two didn't notice could be hurtful? In long-lasting relationships, sometimes we get comfortable enough to get selfish and take things for granted, overlooking transgressions made against those we find precious.

Alright, let's recap.

1. Gather info about your ex-bestie's new bestie and learn just what about this new girl could cause your friend to either dislike you or simply like her better.

2. Confront your friend and make sure to let her know you know she's been lying, but that you're accepting anyway. Alleviate any fears or doubts she has that might have convinced her to be unforthcoming. Accept that she might not to be best-of-best friends so that you can still maintain a friendship with trust and openness.

3. Make sure to take a cold hard look at your relationship before everything went wrong. Because of how sudden it feels, it may seem unfathomable, but just make sure to take a step back and look at your past conversations objectively. You might discover something to apologize to her about and repair that can allow you to be friendly once again.

4. If despite everything, it doesn't work out, make sure you value yourself, Jessica. Don't make the mistake of letting how much other people like you being the sole measure of your worth as a person. You said that you've never felt so alone, and I get that, but you can always bounce back. The phrase "fish in the sea" applies even moreso to friendship than to intimate relationship, you can always find other people who can appreciate who you are!

Best of luck, Jessica!
   
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Re: My best friend hates me - October 20th 2017, 02:33 AM

Hello and welcome to teenhelp we are so glad that you have joined.
I am so sorry that you are having a hard time right now. When you become friends with someone and then the two of you are really close and you are like sisters that's a great thing to have. And then when she doesn't want to text you back anymore, she is being mean to you and than the two of you are not friends anymore. I'm sorry that happened to you. That is really hard to go through because the two of you were friends for a while. I know that you are upset about this and I wish you were not. When you are in you're classes at school can you try talking to the other people around you and see if they would like to do something with you. Can you try and make new friends? I know it's hard at first talking with people you don't know, but the more you do this the easier it will get for you. You can also talk to you're ex friend too if you want to try being friends again with her. Tell her how you are feeling and everything that is going on. But it's up to you.

I hope that you will be ok, if you can do something to try to pick up you're mood. For example put on a funny movie or TV show to help. Or you can go for a walk or put music on. And you can post more when you need. Lots of Hugs.
   
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Re: My best friend hates me - October 20th 2017, 03:04 AM

I've became a close friend of my ex-bestfriend actually. She is nice to me but everytime I talk to her, i get the feeling that she's playing me (I know I might be imagining things :/) , Her and my ex-bestie used to play me and be mean all the time... Not anymore though.. Like I said, I don't talk to her anymore but I'm not good to make friends. :\
   
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