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BoyLukeBoy Offline
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Grounded for smoking - November 7th 2017, 08:41 PM

I'm grounded for 2 months because my mom found a packet of cigarettes in my room when she was cleaning my room. I know and i understand my mom does not wish for me to smoke but what happened that got me punished was kinda unfair. See what happened was i told some of my friends that i self harm and i get stressed and i was missing my gf who dumped me recent and never gave me another chance, so they said try smoking it will help so they gave me some cigarettes and i paid them for the packet and i went to the park and tried some and i did not even like them! So i was going to throw them in the bin but i dunno why but i took them back home and put them in my room and i was gonna get rid of them but i kept them and i forgot to hide them properly and my mom found them and now she has punished me with 2 months grounded. I feel that it is not entirely fair because i only tried a few and i didn't like it and i wasn't going to have anymore, if i had got rid of them in the bin my mom would never have even found out about it, i honest do not know how i can explain why i kept them, i am just an idiot

Is it fair i got grounded for 2 months over this? I tried to explain about it and mom refused to listen and she tell me if i keep on complaining she will make my grounding even longer
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Re: Grounded for smoking - November 8th 2017, 12:28 PM

We can't really say whether it's fair that you got grounded for 2 months, since it depends on your mom's reasons, and how you feel about it.

Even though you only smoked the once, didn't like it and planned to throw them away, it was the fact that you had the cigarettes that got you punished. Even if you threw them in the bin, there was still the risk of your mom finding out.

I understand that you are stressed and have been missing your girlfriend, and it's great that you have opened up to your friends about all of this, including the self-harm. But sometimes friends might give advice that isn't necessarily helpful, or advice that works for them, but not necessarily for you. Maybe some of your friends smoke, but as you have learnt, it's not for you and not only that, but now you have been grounded too. Friends can encourage us to try things, and this is often known as peer pressure where we feel we have to give in and do things because it's our friends that are convincing us to do something. Maybe if you find yourself in this position in the future, take a moment to think about what you want to do and whether or not what your friends are suggesting is a good idea or not. You don't have to do things just because your friends are suggesting them.

When feelings get overwhelming, we can definitely look for things to help us de-stress. Sometimes these things are healthy, and other times they are unhealthy (like self-harm). I'm wondering if you can think of other healthy ways of de-stressing? What do you enjoy doing that helps to take your mind off things?

I'm sorry to hear that you tried to explain to your mom and that she refused to listen. I'm wondering if she knows about your self harm, or whether you are getting any professional support like counselling? It can help to let others know how we are feeling, especially when we are struggling with stress and self-harm.

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Re: Grounded for smoking - November 8th 2017, 12:34 PM

As it has been said we can’t say whether or not it was fair for you to be grounded for two months. Even though you got into trouble for having the cigarettes it is good that you did not like them and were planning to properly dispose of them. There are healthier ways to cope with self-harm and you and your body deserve those healthier ways. Perhaps you can find ways to express your feelings such as through writing or talking to someone you trust, or using distractions before you self-harm.

Holly made a lovely point about how sometimes friends can give advice about things that work for them but not necessarily for you. Next time your friends give you advice, maybe you can stop and think it through to figure out how you feel about trying it before you give it a try.

It must be difficult that your mom has not listened to you but she is probably a little upset right now. Maybe you could give her some time to cool down before explaining things to her, or you could write her a note instead so she can read it when she’s ready?

Feel free to keep us updated.

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