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Unhappy Dreading a wedding - November 20th 2017, 10:05 PM

Hi guys,

I'm kind of nervous about posting this, as I know it's not nice to be jealous and unkind but I just need to vent this out.

I'm 21 and I'm going to a wedding this week but I'm absolutely dreading it. Every time I think about it I just want to scream or cry. I'm not very pretty, a bit overweight, have saggy breasts and discoloured teeth. I have a boyfriend but I don't really think he cares for me as much as he should. I certainly don't feel he's passionate or proud of our relationship and I don't think he's really in it for the long haul.

I'm dreading the wedding as it's just going to be horrible being surrounded by pretty women and a gorgeous bride and seeing her so happy and so in love with a man that wants her more than anything in the world will make me want to cry or hit someone. It just reminds that I'm never going to be in her place, because I'm ugly, and whilst I know it's not impossible to find love even if youre not blessed with good looks, I'm never going to be that beautiful, blushing bride even if I do get married and I'm always going to have to look at my husband and know that he'd rather be sleeping with another woman at night (nobody wants to go to bed with a fat, ugly person even if they do love their personality).

I just want to feel special. I just want to made to feel like I'm the only woman in the world by someone. But that's never going to be me and going to a wedding just really brings that home. It doesn't help that it's my boyfriend's sister's wedding too, as everyone naturally compares our relationships and theirs is just obviously so much stronger than ours.

How can I survive this day without completely losing it?

Thanks in advance
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Re: Dreading a wedding - November 20th 2017, 10:31 PM

The thoughts you are having are not true. I know that society makes it seem like the only people that have loving relationships and are desired by their partners are beautiful woman. However, that is false. The thing is that people have different types. Yes, there are going to be people who will not be attracted to you because of some of your features but there will also be plenty of people who will find you attractive.

It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I started to realize this fact. I started hanging out with friend's and I started noticing that they all have types and I also started noticing that the people around me had different types as well. When I was in high school it seemed as if no one was interested in me. Once I started hanging out with friend's I started noticing that people did find me attractive and who flirted with me. I am overweight. I am not considered attractive by societies standards.

I know it's difficult but if you constantly compare yourself to others than you are unlikely to ever realize that you are unique and worthy of finding love. I mean, I have a acquaintance who admits she isn't attractive but she has found a person who is invested in her relationship. You can tell by their interactions that they are a team and that they both are in love and dedicated. It is a misconception that you have to be beautiful to find that.

To find a relationship where both people are dedicated, you have to find a genuinely good person who cares about you and wants to make things last. For some people, good looks are the key to caring, I suppose, but for a lot of other people it is more than that.

I had a conversation with a guy who is very 'vain' about the people he gets with and he said that he felt that everyone is attractive/beautiful to someone. Also, this person admitted that finding someone who had the right personality was so much more important than their looks because looks fade. This was a weird thing to hear this person say because 10-15 years ago they would have never said this.

Lastly, why don't you think your partner is dedicated to your enough? Is this just a feeling you have because of some of your insecurities or has he said or done things to give you that impression. If you are feeling this way about your relationship you should consider talking to your partner about it and see if the two of you can work on it. It is possible that he really does care about you but he isn't good at showing it. Some people show their love and affection in different ways. If, however, your partner truly does not care about you and the relationship you have than it might be best to walk away from the relationship.

Best regards.

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